Mid-January; about two months since I last posted.
I've read, but retreated inside my shell; kind of like a dead clam.
Thanksgiving- parents wanted me to visit but I could not. I had already heard how I have damaged my life, how my looks are fading (fast) and that I'd better "bring it" before I had nothing to bring.
December brought my birthday, my husband's birthday, his father's birthday, and to top it off, the birthday of the man I was involved with; off and on for three years shortly before I met my husband.
Just so I would not have an easy life I am also dealing with finances, (civil) litagation with another financial matter, and facing how, if I live until the general standard I have at least thirty years alone.
Well, I am either going to post this or delete it so I just want to say how wonderful I think you all are.
I am so glad you did not delete it abby*, as much as I hate to hear of how tough your life is, it is just good to hear from you. I toast you, I use to love B & B, Benedictine and Brandy.
Please stick around. Happy late Birthday, Christmas and New years.
abby...we have missed you....as the saying goes..."this too will pass". Take care of yourself and really nice to hear from you and hope we can cheer you up a little. Compared to most of us you still have a lot of living left to do so you are a very fortunate person even though you may not think so at this time. Maybe the "best" is yet to come. As my mom use to say...you got to pick yourself up by the boot straps and carry on. Please keep us posted
Hang in there, Abby! I avoid looking in the mirror myself. After all we have been through, it is no wonder we look like hell. It is a helluva battle everyday and people outside our world just cannot comprehend. Don't worry about things you have no control over and enjoy being alone for a little while. Get to know and like yourself. Have a little wine. Buy yourself flowers. Thirty years is a long time to be alone, but things can happen to change that. Just don't be in any hurry and don't feel desperate. Being a caregiver is desperate enough. {{{Hugs}}}
Abby,so sorry you are having such a tough time. Follow Linda Mc's good advice. And I feel we are never alone, God is always with us.You do have a lot of living to do, go for it.
Abby*--so relieved to see your post. Some of us have been worried about you. Linda Mc's advice is good--you need to be kinder to yourself. Life for us here has been hard, but I found that it can also bring happy surprises. As to your looks, we live in an age when practically anything can be "fixed" if we so desire. The main thing is that now you can focus on healing and making a new life for yourself.
Abby...no disrespect meant toward your folks, but they don't strike me as exactly the go-to people when it comes to surviving the Alz journey.
It is impossible to even plumb the depths of exactly what this process does to our souls, and we all just have to treat ourselves with every kindness. But along with allowing ourselves to be messes, there's some self-therapy steps that we generally need to march ourselves into, and it's usually stuff like picking activities, picking things we can do, and doing them. One at a time. And let the recovery be as slow as it needs to be. Just don't stop taking steps.
Oh abby*, I am so glad (and relieved) to see your post...I was becoming VERY concerned about you. Happy belated birthday and happy new year! I agree with emily's remark about your parents and I don't mean any offense. Right now you need to be kind to yourself, take the time you need to recover from your years of caregiving and sudden loss and get at the support you can! There are many here who care deeply about you and support you, if you will let us. Glad you didn't delete your post, my friend.
Abby, Take care...this group of members understands where you are coming from and where you are going. Please continue to post as people here really care!
Abby, sending my best wishes to you and the hope that you can feel the love and friendship sent by all of us. You are a precious soul and deserving of love and peace. Be good to yourself.
How in the world have you damaged your life? If I read you right, I could be your mom, and trust me, all our looks fade--so do the men. Big freakin' deal! So I dye my hair and each day (when I remember) I put a collagen moisturizer on and usually a night cream. It makes me feel better about myself, altho I really don't mind being elderly, it's kind of an adventure--haven't been here before. I don't use high priced elite brands, lots of good stuff in the drug store, try a few, see what's best for your skin. I don't use make-up, just skin care, keep my face moisturized, learned that from my Mom. If you're in your little clam shell -- so be it. You'll tire of it when the time is right. You posted your feelings, good for you. You're reaching out. 30 yrs is a long time, but that's still a lot of living to do--maybe alone, maybe not, but you still have a lot to give others and sometimes life has a way of giving back. As for finances--it was a mess of a mess when my DH died, and I thought I'd had most of it all prepared beforehand. I was furious about the whole thing, but eventually I got thru it. No litigation tho. Keep posting - don't be a stranger - you're among the understanding here.