Well, my DH officially turned in his driver's license today. This was one of the moments I had been dreading, but it turned out to be a non-event. He had received his renewal notice in December and at that time I had mentioned to him that I thought it would be best to get a state ID instead. He was agreeable but I wanted to wait until after the holidays. So we went today and I was the one who started to choke up as we went through the process. He was very apathetic and didn't protest at all. Although we don't discuss it, I believe he realizes deep down that he would get lost and it has been two years since he has driven. He had to sign a form that he was invalidating his license and then I witnessed it. It's our responsibility to send back his license and the form (we live in Illinois -- the state everyone wants to leave). He had his photo taken for the ID, it was issued on the spot and that was that.
So another chapter closes. I see everyday how dependent he is on me and how that is increasing.
Although it is always sad when they lose another ability, you are extremely lucky that he did not give you any trouble. Be thankful you did not have to endure the Hell I went through for 2 years over the "driving issue". It is well documented in my blogs and in the driving discussions on this board - http://thealzheimerspouse.com/vanillaforum/comments.php?DiscussionID=21&page=13#Item_5
I was another extremely lucky one. When Claude's old truck died in 1997, he voluntarily decided to quit driving. He still kept his license and when we moved to Texas in 2000, he got an ID card. He told them he didn't want a license.
He never really liked to drive and only did because he had to. I did most of the driving. Our son is the same way. He waited until he was 19 to get his license and only got it then because he needed to get to school.
She impulsively drove from our house to my parent's one night and did not want to drive home when she got there. Dad brought her back and she never drove again. THANKFULLY it was not a fight. We kept her license until renewal time just in case she remembered it or wanted to make an issue about it.
An appointment at the DMV (she cant wait in a line more than a few minutes) and we changed from a license to an ID card. The clerk wanted to charge us for the card but fourtunately I downloaded the page that says that in CA if you are going from a license to an ID for health reasons, then the ID card is free. :-)
She had to sign her name three times as part of the process. (different forms) Her hand writing got worse each time. By the time she signed it the final time it was hardly legible and NOT the beautiful personal endorsement she had used her entire life. (this is the signature that is now memoralized on the card)
Her picture also shows the flat affect and the complete sense of confusion and bewilderment in her eyes that is a now a perminent part of her countenence. It brought tears to my eyes as it was so reflective of her many declines and how much both of us had lost.
Elaine K....yes, this is another milestone. My DH recently lost his license 2 months ago. I was relieved because I was not the one to take away DH's license, but rather the MD. I was relieved and sad at the same time. Relived that he wouldn't have a serious accident which would cost him his life or anothers. I was sad for him that he had lost his independence too...Also, that I would now have one more addition chore on my plate (like we need any more). Yes, they become more dependent on us now. But what I have noticed is at this stage of the disease DH has little to no desire to go anywhere. He is very content sitting in his big easy chair watching television or looking at a magazine. This is a person who couldn't stand to watch t-v- and had to busy out doing things all the time. In fact, I have to insist that he go for a walk or come for a drive with me. Is this the new normal of this disease?
Yes, I do know how fortunate I was that DH gave up his license without a big scene. However, this was a two year process. He was advised by his neurologist to stop driving two years ago after he developed car trouble while driving to the next town and got lost trying to get back home. If I had pushed him to turn in his license back then, there would have been a big blow-up I'm sure. We hid the keys for his car and then gave the car to our son who needed a new one. My DH would usually say to me that I could drive when we were going out because he would admit he didn't know where he was going. So I just decided to ride and it out, let it die a natural death and wait for his renewal. It all worked out in the end and I couldn't be happier.
Elaine K, glad to hear that it worked out okay. My DH's neuro guy said that the doctors wont take a dementia patients keys away if it's in the gray area, but only when it's clearly without a doubt that the individual clearly is without the judgement, memory, or skills to safetly operate and motor vehicle. The doctor's seriously consider this for the patient's best interest, but also the community at large. I am so grateful that DH's doctor concluded he was no longer able to driver. It really takes the pressure of the family!