I have never suffered from depression however in the last two months I am overwhelmed with saddness and loneliness I have never known. I don't have suicidal thoughts. My friends and family are tired of hearing about my DH. At this time I have absolutely no support system. I have never felt so alone. I don't know if I care to take anti depressants as I believe it only masks a problem plus I hate. pills. My insurance isn't that good so counseling isn't an option. I am laying here writing this on my tear stained pillow. How do you other caretakers survive this?
My weekly spouse caregiver support group has gotten me through a lot of low points these past 3-4 years, Lullie. However, even in such a group I remained the only one not taking an anti-depressant. Sadly, dealing with what we deal with each day can very easily bring on periods of depression. But my first suggestion would be to try to find a weekly support group with other spouses who 'get it' and are dealing with similar situations. I've also maintained a journal since I first observed AD symptoms in my wife ... 3 years prior to her diagnosis. You may find that venting your feelings on paper helps ... I know it helps me. Beyond that, hopefully you have at least one really close friend with whom you can share your feelings ... that also helps me. And finally, there is this site since Joan and those who read and post comments all 'get it' and many times just reading Joan's postings and comments on these message boards can get me through some of those really lonely times.
Lullie, I was in much the same position as you at one time, while caregiving and trying to build a house. I became overwhelmed, couldn't sleep and feeling hopeless with worry and stress. I went to my long-time PCP and told him he had to help me get through this. He prescribed a anti-depressant, Xanax and Ambian. They were all the lowest dosage. He told me to take a Ambian for 5 nights and off 2. Not to take both Xanax and Ambian at the same time. I started feeling better in just a few days. Was sleeping better and felt like a heavy load was lifted from my body. I seldom take the Ambian or Xanax for a long time but I have them in case they are needed. Don't be afraid of prescription drugs - when they are needed. They literally "saved my life". But, as like everything else - much of the time they are abused.
Lullie, as the others have said-don't be afraid to take some anti-depressanst if your dr prescribes hem for you-you may find they help. I am not on anti-depressants but would seriously consider them if my PCP thought I needed them. I know you are new to your area and perhaps not having a support system where you live is exascerbating your loneliness and depression. Perhaps there's a alz suport group in your area where you could actually talk face to face with people who are going through the same things you're experiencing in your caregiving role? Or the local hospital could recommend a support group as well?
This is a very challenging and difficult job we all have while dealing with the loss of our spouse as we knew them, coming to terms that our later years which we had hopes for sharing with our mate will never be what we planned and of course, the inevitable end to this "journey". I am truly surprised how many caregivers survive this illness and move on. Good luck. You can always come here for support...actually it's the best support system I've found.
Don't be afraid of an antidepressant. A couple years ago I had gotten so I cried every time DH made an insulting or nasty remark to me. Dr gave me one antidepressant and it kept me awake all night so she changed to another one which worked like a charm. Now I can let all the crap just roll off me. I no longer cry but I also never feel really happy. Just numbs the emotions on both ends of the scale, I guess.
Thank you all for your suggestions! Imohr, I saw my MD last week regarding my depression and lack of coping skills. He will not prescribe me any xanax for my shattered needs as he believes that this is an addiction medication. I am of the opinion that I do not have an addictive personality. I do not smoke....I drink moderately....and have never used illegal drugs or been addicted at any time. At my age....my chances of becoming addicted are next to nill. And if by chance I did become addicted now...SO WHAT! So xanax is out...also, I can not take ambien as I sleep-walk and sleep-eat from previously using this medication. At really really need something as my nerves are shattered. I shake...I cry...I can't sleep....I can't concentrate...all I do is focus on the negitive. This is not me and I hate how I feel. I just want to enjoy life again! Wolf, you so accuractely stated we are coping with real and powerful issues. "It's sane to have powerful reactions to them" I believe it would be insane not to be depressed and overwhelmed with what we are all dealing with. I am so very grateful that I have with website as a support system. Y'all know exactly what I am experiencing and I am truly sorry that you have had to deal with terrible disease. Acvann, thanks for your suggestion of joining an alzheimers support group, but I have in my previous city and found no comfort in it. The leader provided data and coping skills, but she only experienced this disease though a text book! It takes a real live "peep" who has walked in my shoes to understand and you wonderful people have. I wish we could all sit down with a warm cup of coffee or maybe a beer -hahah---and share our intermost thoughts. Also, I don't know who started the thread on "a little humor" but I really appreciate that thread! Laughter is a good medicine and we all need a double dose of it.
My doctor put me on fluoxetine and I was on it for a year and have been off for a year. I am considering going back on. IT is not addictive and very easy to get off. I too have heard that Xanax is addictive.
Co2...I am sorry that your depressed too. Did the fluoxetine help immediately? So many of the anti-depressants take time and I don't think I have the time to struggle and suffer another day!
you may could ask your pharmacist about something over the counter that could help with the depression? i think there are others here who take herbals instead of rx meds. melatonin is an otc med for sleep aide. many of us have used this one for sleep. both us and them! i also believe if the depression becomes more severe taking a script med for a viable short term is not againt the norm and would do some good. it takes a bit for them to work as needed. anxiety and panic attacks can become a real issue as depressive thoughts. sometimes we have to use pharmaceuticals to get us thru the rough parts. hope you find something that is right for you. personally if i felt the need i would not hesitate to take one of DH ativan! divvi
I agree divvi. I don't agree with your Doctor about the Xanax. I used it once or twice a day for several months and as soon as I felt comfortable I backed off one pill at a time over a couple months - with no problem. Some Doctors prescribe too much and some are too hesitant, in my opinion. (that is if a person wants to go off them) Each person is different, but I seriously doubt if that Doctor ever had a stressfull experience like you are going through. Is it possible to go to another Doctor for another opinion? There is a time and place for everything and I KNOW what you are going through because I have "walked in your shoes". The OTC sleep meds might work. I tried the Meletona myself and it didn't help me. Now, I take a tylenol PM at bedtime, if I need something. But that wasn't enough when I was depressed.
Lullie I too am so DOWN on having to take happy pills. However, this is not a time that is easy for anyone to handle, and the panic and fear and pain was too much. I finally broke down and am taking a tiny dose of Celexa, and it helps quite a bit, has been about 10 days now. I take only a quarter of a pill, (5mg), not the 10 MG. she said to start with.
It seems to just cut the edge a bit. Better that dying from a heart attack, maybe that is exaggerating but I thought I was not going to make it a couple of weeks ago.
We must survive. All the ones with a * here, and the seasoned long timers, are our mentors.
I too could not have beem without xamax or atavin from time to time when I was a caregiver. In fact, my dr. suggested she write an order for me without me even asking. The stress is not good for the body over a long period of time. You might be surprised at what a small dose would do for you...I always took a very small dose and it helped me cope.
Gotta say, my PC and also Cardiologist both were on me to take anitdepressants, and I actually tried twice (don't remember what) but they just made me shake and be dizzy, and after two days I stopped both of them. My PC agreed to give me a dx of diazepam .5 mg to use as needed. Always sayed if she thought I abused them, she wouldn't renew them, ha! Well, I rarely used them, but when I did, I took a couple Advil and a diazepam before bedtime, and got some rest. Real rest, not that, 'I'm still listening rest'. Our little dog always let me know if my guy was up, and I never was unwakable, so that worked for me. Once in awhile, I would take one on a really trying day too. I just loved her for giving me the discression to use it for when I needed it. No way I could have continued without that little crutch. I have always been terrified of any addiction, and not taken rx's as a result. There just IS a time and place, and I think we all know when that is.
I take citalopram and it has helped me cope. At the beginning of this journey, I would cry all the time, couldn't eat or concentrate. My doctor suggested the antidepressant. He did give me a prescription for 30 days of xanax but would not renew it. He told me it was just for during the transistion period while waiting for the antidepressant to work and I needed to not be drowsy (which is what xanax does to me). That can take a few weeks. Also, it can sometimes take a few tries to find the correct medication. Don't be put off of trying them if one doesn't work for you.
Don't be afraid to take them. No one says you have to be on them forever.
Yes that is what I am taking deb112958, just a tiny dose. It feels like it "cuts the edge" I tried the regular dose and it made me feel a bit weird, so cut it way back for now. I could not go on with the sobbing and deep fear, and grief, anymore.
Antidepressants are tools to help the brain heal itself while allowing you to function. Properly dosed, antidepressants should not mask anything, make you groggy, sleepy, or emotionally really flat. What they are supposed to do is to level out the disturbed brain chemistry so you can function while the brain works on healing the upset in its system. Really just a temporary bandage, like liquid skin on an abrasion. I think the biggest key is getting the right med for the person. My first round with Clinical Depression started in my 3rd yea r of Caregiving. I joked to a friend that I should sign up for a Clinical Study looking for subjects. She agreed, seriously. 2 weeks later she checked to see if I’d followed through. She pushed me , promising to take me to and from. I signed up and after the 8-9 weeks, I opted to continue treatment , adding counseling. The med was doing its job, but I figured the counseling would make me stonger against any reoccurance.. Either approach, by itself will eventually bring a patient through. Within a year, I was done with both treatments . No more depression, an d I knew what to watch for, what were my triggers and techniques to counter them.
Fast forward 21 years. Our PCP had told me, if ever I felt the need for the antidepressant again, just to call. In late Fall 2011, I did , and he gave me a script for Welbutrin 75 mg—once or twice daily as needed. I was arranging placement for DH, our house—home for 29 years—was in a Short Sale,. I’d need to downsize into a one bedroom subsidized apartment—which I had to find and qualify for. I was Caregiving 24/7 on 4 hours sleep a night—one ear tuned in. I wasn’t depressed but I wasn’t going to be either. I started with once a day and have stayed there . In Jan.2012 DH had an event requiring that Polic e take him to the hospital. While getting a med eval and starting treatment, a second, terminal condition was discovere d. He was soon transferred to a NH(Jan. 31). All the while I was tracking his care and apartment hunting,, and p acking, etc. Paper works a killer. Things seemed to be settling down a little wit h DH,; I signed the lease March 1 and slept in the apartment that night However, the 2nd condition DH had was not stabilizing properly and they couldn’y always get clear read ings. His CHF was worsening. The Dr. had him see a Cardiologist at the beginning of June. The cause of his CHF was severe Aortic Stenosis –Critical. Open heart surgery wit h use of the heart-lung machine, to replace the valve (4-6 hrs under anesthetic and the machine part of that)was not feasible with his advanced VaD. Palliative Care. The Dr. said we’d probably have a year, and that his passing would most likely be very easy and quick—likely he’d be resting, and then just stop. We didn’t get a year, but the Dr. was right about the passing. We had the memorial service;’ the house sold,; and s lowly I’ve been recovering from 24yearsof 24/7 Caregiving and all the rest. . I get down , sad, but I laugh some now, and been singing Christmas Carols. I’m not depressed, My health has been improving. My feelings are healthy. I plan to stop the med , before Spring. Its purpose is nearly done., Just want to get past the grungy Winter weather so I can be ready to enjoy the Spring—a great time to be writing the next chapters of my life.
To the members who have responsed to my post: Your input has been taken very serious and reading your posts makes me feel guilty (not that was your intention) but I realize that I have much to be thankful. It's a rollercoaster ride....I get strapped in and hit a big bump and shake all over. Then when I think the ride is going smooth and my seat belt is a wee looser...crash. Up and down....I am not bipolar nor have any history of depression, but I question my sanity and I am constantly self-examing. I am fit and strong enough for this journey? Time will only tell. Will I crash, bail out, and exit the ride?...very possibly. I do think that if have some relaxers (valium or xanax or whatever) I could hang on to the wheel longer. Do I want to take anti-depressants everyday?...no. As I mentioned earlier, daily pill taking isn't for me. I appreciate each and very reply and I will consider each one of your responses. In answer to LFL, yes Lullie and Lulliebird are the same idenity. Oh no, don't tell me I am a split-personality now too! hahaha Carosi2, my condolences on the loss of your husband. Thank you also for sharing. I truly hope that this New Year will brings you comfort, joy, happinesss, andd health. Your dedication, as to all members, is the necessary strenght I need to continue on this journey. May you all have the joy and strenght though this most difficult time. May God grant to serenity and peace this New Year!
I identify with all of you and feel so badly for each one of you. It's like theme and variations. As for loneliness and sadness, it got so heavy here that I saw my doctor (again) and called my pastor (again). He came right over and said that I would more than likely go through this again and to let him know and he would come over right away. .I was even considering taking LO back home. Having some experience with the disease with his grandmother, the pastor said absolutely not. That no one gets better from this disease and if I did this it would mean that we would all have to suffer through the initial part again. It's probably a good thing to get them in before they get REALLY bad because they can accomadate themselves somewhat to their surroundings. This helped me. I also got changed to a different antidepressant. 50 units of zoloft instead of fluoxetine. I hope it will be the right one.
Lullie, sorry I am so slow in answering. I usually only check in in the evening. The antidepressant I take is mirtazapine, generic for Remoron. I was partly kidding about the weight gain. I have been into the goodies since Thanksgiving and Chrestmas. I started with 15 mg and very quickly went to 30 mg in the evening. I no longer cry at every insult and am much more even tempered, though I do still get mad at times.
When DH was first diagnosed, I cried for days and lost about 10 pounds in a week. My doctor then prescribed xanax. I took one almost daily for about a month, but never finished the refill of 30 pills. Several years later, when things got really bad again (with a different doctor, because of insurance) I got the song and dance about xanax being so addictive, and several doctors would not prescribe it. I kept going until I found a doctor who would prescribe it, since I knew that it helped. I honestly don't think I could do this without it. The doctor who finally prescribed it, when I described my situation to her, said she would recommend that I take it three times a day! I take 1 or 2 a week. It just helps me to know that if things are really difficult, there is a little chemical assistance available. I've had a bottle of it in the cabinet now for a couple of years, and sometimes it expires before I use it up. So obviously it's not that addictive for everybody.
My question would be: if someone being a caregiver for a spouse with dementia is not enough of a reason for prescribing xanax, what in the world would be? Who are they saving them for? The drug was made for exactly situations like this.
Midwestemn, I am sorry that you are going though this, but you are very blessed to have a Pastor who has such wise insight! I do hope that things will go better as you adjust to your husband's new living accomadations. MaryinPa, Thank you for getting back with me..I will research Remoron out however, I really don't want to have to take a medication daily and only to just take the edge off of things. Jan K...really I agree wholeheartly with you when you questioned, "who are they saving them save" I would love to change doctors, however, I am afraid I will go to the effort of finding a new primary care physician only to find another self-righteous pomous ass know it all doctor. I wonder it I saw a Nurse Practioner if she could prescribe a small dosage of xanax just for those really tension filled days. I really don't understand this jerk doctor. In the last two months I have seen my husband lose his drivers' license and then shorly after found out he was spending our money on prostitutes almost daily. (The doctor is aware of this as DH has owed up to this doctor and check for STD) What the hell is the matter with this doctor?
My doc Rxed 2 mg Valium once or twice a day as needed. I take 1 mg ( half the tab) and sometimes forget to take it. It has been a lifesaver..Helps me cope.
Mimi, I need your lifesavers. Last night I only slept 3 hours....(took 2 advil to try and sleep). If makes for a short temper and low tolerance for life's issues. As Jan K. so accurately said it...if someone is a caregive for a spouse with dementia isnt this enough to prescribe xanax...what the hell are the doctors saving this for? It doesn't get much more dicey than this to Pete's sake!
I agree but we needed to change psychs to get someone to give Xanax to my wife. Doctors worried about it being addicting. She wasn't sleeping and nothing was working for Pete's sake.