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    • CommentAuthorMsAbby*
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2013
     
    Got okayed for a break, LO's on oxygen 24/7 so it's been okayed. Will try two nights with him in a nice place fro starters. But he is not happy at all. Any tips?
    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2013 edited
     
    If you are comfortable with the staff and care at the respite place, take your two nights, don't worry, and enjoy them. Sid carried on for 10 straight days in November when I told him that I was taking a week's vacation, and he was going to respite. He tried everything - verbal abuse, guilting me, crying, pouting. He cried when I left him there, but he was fine for the whole week. Two weeks ago, when I had to leave him there again so I could go to my father's funeral in RI, he didn't even remember being at the respite place in November. Didn't even remember that I had gone away.

    So my tip is go and enjoy your break.

    joang
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2013
     
    When I got my first break after years of 24/7 I was advised to go and get something done or go somewhere I haven't been able to - but I went back home and just relaxed and slept like a log which was glorious.
    • CommentAuthorLFL
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2013
     
    No tips but I agree with Joan-go your 2 nights. As long as you feel he's in a safe place and well cared for he'll be alright. Enjoy your well earned time off!
  1.  
    When I had a chance for 5 days respite plus travel time, DH was not happy. When he got wind of the distance away, he strarted to go off. I wasn't missing my chance to travel and meet friends. Flight was out of Detroit. I'd been there before, to a clinic--several times, and DH was okay with that. Sooooo....I created a fantastic fiblet that covered 5 days. Help stayed with him, I called every afternoon at 4 "to report" and check how things were going. It was an elaborate story, but he cooperated and did very well. He never knew Detroit was spelled "N e w O r l e a n s".

    Fiblets hurt no one and can make our lives easier.
    •  
      CommentAuthorJudithKB*
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2013
     
    Yes...fiblets are the norm for respite care. When my dh was in an ALF for two weeks in June and when I would go to see him and he would always ask when he was going to get to go home...my answer was always "tomorrow". By the next day he would tell me he was glad he would be going home "tomorrow".

    I didn't go any place except get rest at home for those two weeks. I was so exhausted I knew I couldn't continue to care for him much longer unless I got rest. After the respite he really went downhill and passed on Aug. 28. I was always so glad I got that rest or I couldn't have kept him home the last several months he lived.
  2.  
    It wasn't for respite - but I had an emergency appendectomy and when discharged could not feel safe at home w/DH because he wouldn't understand my condition. So I stayed w/sister for a week or so until I was strong and felt I could care for myself and him as well. Son stayed w/DH during that time & each day I'd call from the 'hospital' to tell him how I was progressing, etc. He never knew where I really was. It may go against our values, but sometimes lying is the best way all around and is often a kindness to an AD loved one.
    • CommentAuthorMsAbby*
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2013
     
    Took him to see the Rehab Facility (Nursing Home) he'd be staying at and he had a FIT. Joan was right, " verbal abuse, guilting, pouting, and more." It was like pulling a mule out of the grain shed. He honkered down and wouldn't budge. But I got him there.
    They were ready with tour, flirting, and a few employee friends coming over to say hi! So it might work.
    He pouted all the way home. Oh well.
    It was your encouragement that got me thru the abuse, "His behavior is normal, it is expected, I can do this." Thanks!
    Six days to visit Daughter and kids in California later this month!!!
    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeJan 8th 2013 edited
     
    MsAbby,

    I did not realize you were going to take him to see the facility. If you had mentioned it, I would have advised against it. Many people do exactly what you did - take their spouses for a visit first. I did NOT do that. There are two schools of thought on it. One says that it will introduce them to the staff and facility, so it won't be a scary unfamiliar place. The other thought, to which I adhere, is that visiting will only give them more ammunition to rail against you, and keep them more riled up. Chances are good they won't remember the people or place before they get there anyway. It's highly doubtful any of them would say - "Oh, this is wonderful. I'll be happy to stay here."

    The owner and director of the respite home I used, came to the house to assess Sid. When it was time to go to respite, he had no memory of their visit or who they were.

    This is just my personal opinion, but one to consider if you are planning on placing your spouse for short term respite.

    joang
    • CommentAuthorMsAbby*
    • CommentTimeJan 8th 2013
     
    Sound advice. Glad you added it again. Will help the many others making the Respite decision. Now to think ahead to the trip, and try to tune out the negative stuff around here. Thanks again for your help.
  3.  
    So true. DH doesn't even remember from one day to the next that he goes to "work" at the ALZ Center. I tell him they need him to work today, so he'd better go help them out. He usually is agreeable with that.