My first post but have gotten much from lurking. I'm 56, DH is 65, diagnosed in Jan, symptomatic a few years, who can remember? Seemed like such a good weekend, music concerts, even hand holding which is rare and hard for me to instigate but I felt it and I did. Everything seemed fine. I had resolved that if I could just keep all the stress away from him he would be fine or at least he wouldn't have these outbursts, bursts of anger. Tonight was awful out of the blue. It hit me hard. I'm exhausted now and can't think to write much. But it's feeling so hopeless and the despair is overwhelming. Is crying yourself to sleep normal?
No support group here for me yet, just moved to area. Had one back home. My grown son and I are estranged and not sure how much a part this AD has to play in it, it certainly didn't help and I was always sure he'd be there for me if I really needed him. The person I'd usually talk to about this - my husband - can't be stressed by my problems. The loneliness is overwhelming at times. I can't keep whining to my friends the same old story every time they call. I'm feeling compelled to come up with good happy news.
Right now it just all doesn't seem worth it. And this is just the beginning....?????
You are describing what we all go through. Yes, the angry outbursts are part of the disease, but the neurologist needs to know about them. He can probably prescribe something to calm down your husband.
In our case, when they occurred, at first I screamed back at him - well, as you can imagine, that was useless, and only served to escalate the problem. The social workers told me to walk away when it happened - I took their advice, but it tore me apart inside. After all, we used to discuss our problems like two civil human beings - walking away seemed to me like walking away from our relationship. But I had to do it, and he calmed down more quickly. (Quickly meaning 4 hours instead of 24 hours). Then the next day, he would remember we had an "argument", but couldn't remember what it was about.
I've been lucky - since he has been reading all of my feelings that I write about in the Blogs, he says he understands what his behavior is doing to me, and he has made an all-out supreme effort to control his outbursts. It is very hard for him, and it takes a lot of his energy, but right now, he is able to do it.
We are all beset by loneliness - If you have not already, please read the posts under the topic "loneliness", and the "previous blogs" section to the left of the website.
Hopefully, you will receive some comfort from knowing that you are not alone in your feelings.
Hi Terry, Welcome to the board. I can understand your feelings of despair and hopelessness. I am sure most if not all who come here have the same feelings at one time or another. And you are not alone in crying yourself to sleep or even wake up crying. Normal? I don't know---I sometimes wonder if anything is normal while fighting this disease. We all miss out LO's so very much knowing that we will never have them back the way they were. We only have our memories to savor the love and happiness we once had. But you need to hang in there and treasure those memories to keep your sanity as well as helping your LO through this passage. He is going to need your love to ease his burden. We will need the love of others to help ease our burden of caring for our LO's. There is no easy way through this time of loneliness and many days of pain. Try and have patience, you will need more of it than you ever thought possible. And keep the love that you had the day you married your DH and make it grow, even under the worse conditions you never dreamed you would see. And at the end, maybe, just maybe, you will see that it was worth it. Maybe we all will.
Hi Terry, Welcome. I think crying yourself to sleep or my personal favourite, crying in the shower are perfectly normal behaviours in this most abnormal lifestyle we all live. I find that one day or even one moment at a time is all I can handle at times. I am almost 63 and my husband is almost 64. We are in our 5th year of this although they have just become more positive that it is early onset Alzheimers. You will find that you do not feel as lonely knowing that all of us here share the same fears and concerns. Hang in there.
Yup; crying normal. I'm 56 and LO 60. He can fake it pretty well most of the time; I too spend most of my energy making his world stress free. And then he goes goes into his beligerent "AD World". I am immune feeling embarrassed in public places; he could pee on my foot and I'd not blink (would just take out some tissue and clean it up). And yes, I cry. And sometimes I find a hidden spot in the grass, curl up and cry some more. Dogs bring me a sticks and bark until I get up. I think it is all very normal... But I have good health, good pets, good grandchildren/children And when this is all over: good friends. I go on. But I do love the smell of grass when I'm laying in it. And laugh at my dogs when they try to comfort me. (And no, my spouse doesn't pee on my foot.) So good luck to you. Use these sites; and often. You have lots and lots of new friends now. You are not alone; and this will someday be over. Heck, we are still young!!!
Terry - yep count me in on the crying, I do it all the time. Hey girlfriend....you have a whole bunch of new friends now from all other the USA. WELCOME !!!!
Thanks for all your comments. Nice to have new friends. Now when can we meet for lunch? I should have included in my original post that DH had been down the street at the local bar (I moved us to Eureka Springs, AR, an area with lots of music which we both love but unfortunately also lots of bars within walking distance) just shortly before his big blow up. Not that he hasn't done the same thing with no alcohol but I wonder about the effects of alcohol on this kind of behavior. We don't have yet our insurance coverage transferred to here so e-mailed his neurologist at the HMO back in our previous home in Northern Virginia about Seroquel. He said DH would have to see a psychiatrist or geriatrician out here to determine which med would be best and so he could be monitored.
We are still waiting for the transfer from HMO to Blue Cross to go through but I do need to find doctors. Any suggestions on finding a good neurologist specializing in dementias?
MsAbby - thanks for those urination visuals! Nothing like a little pee pee humor to take ones mind off the rollercoaster from hell.
To answer your question about a good neurologist specializing in dementias - The best bet is to find a Memory Disorders Clinic in your area. I Googled Memory Disorders Clinics, Arkansas, and came up with The Department of Geriatrics at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences. You could try calling them. Even if they are not close to you, they could probably refer you to a neurologist who is in your area.
Hi Terry and all, I have a hard time talking with friends on phone because of crying but its getting better, No one calls much anymore. But I understand. I am from Louisiana and will look into Memory Disorder Clinic in our area. I feel so guilty because I chose not to bring my husband alot to neuroligist because they gave meds and had no other beneficial imput. (not being their fault w/ no cure). After reading alot I thinking different. I don't know what stage by # Den is Back to answer to blog ? What keeps me going is my faith in GOD. Eternal & Peaceful Life with Jesus in a Heaven that we can only imagine how awesome it will be. Thank You JESUS.
Terry if we were all in one place I'm sure we could cry a river. I'm not a gambler but I would bet there isn't a one of us that hasn't cried themself to sleep. None of us like what's happening to our LO, but we'll keep going. Welcome to our family, we won't desert you; we'll always be here when you feel down and lonely and need someone to talk to.