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    • CommentAuthordeb42657
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2012 edited
     
    I just got done taking an anxiety pill and it is not working. I can't take this anymore! I am so tired and no one cares, I am losing my friends right and left and I have no one else to turn to. I feel like all I do is whine to you guys but you are all I have. I have a whole church full of people and no one cares. I have been crying so hard that I can barely see the screen. All I want is for my H to die so that I can live. I hate myself for that but I don't know how else to feel. I can't get him into a nursing home because he can still put his own cloths on? That is absurd!!!!!!!!!!!! No one wants to help me. I sleep all day and stay up all night in case he wanders. Since I don't get any help I just have to hope that while I am asleep he doesn't burn down the apartment. I always have one ear to the door so of course that means I never get any good sleep. If he is not physically bad enough to get any help then my question is how long could this actually keep going on. His mind is gone, he is already aggressive and paranoid but he can still do things for himself. I don't get it. He has had this for a long time already. I am going to end of dieing before he does. I hate this and I don't have a life and no one cares. All I do all night long is cry and pray cry and pray. I want to live, love, and have sex already!!!!!
  1.  
    oh deb you sound just like me this past 2 weeks, no sleep, no one cares except us here, I too thought I was going to die.

    You HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!! Can you call emergency and tell them he is violent, that seems to be the only way to get help. Please you have to do something I know. I thought I would have a heart attack a few days ago.

    Can you even find some finances to pay someone 24 hours for a few days so you can regroup. ? If no one is really willing to help, well money often talks. I will find some to send you if there is no other way, I don't want you to suffer so.
    • CommentAuthordeb42657
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2012
     
    Oh Coco! I dummied up on the emergency call. He was violent 2 months ago and I didn't call 911! I have been kicking myself every since but I didn't know they would do anything since by the time I got off the floor he was already calm and back in his room like nothing had happened. My apartment manager called APS for me and they came and investigated and even had the nursing home come and evaluate and even though APS confirmed the violence the nursing home said they couldn't do anything. I can't believe all of this could have been different if I would have dialed 911 but I guess it is true. Now!!! I get to wait for it to happen again and APS said that it will happen again. Hopefully I will survive in order to call 911 but anyway... I guess you got to play the game.

    Thank you so much for the loving offer and yes I am trying to get disability because I have fibromyalgia and osteoperosis and of course depression and panic disorder so if everything goes well...I will have an extra income. When I saw the first disability dr. he said that he couldnt believe how much I am going through and by the end of the exam he was almost in tears and he put my hand in both his hands and asked me if I have a lawyer and I said yes. The lawyer told me to call him only if or when I am denied. The dr. said good, when they see a lawyers letter attached to the application it gets moved up to the top. I have my second dr. appt. this weekend. I just pray that I get it because, yes, then I will be able to afford a glorified babysitter so that I can get a break on a regular basis.

    I am so glad that you responded and I know that I am not alone even though very often I feel that way.
    • CommentAuthorscs
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2012
     
    Hey Deb....you are not alone! Is there anyone...a relative, a church friend you could ask to just come to sit at night so you could get some decent sleep for a couple of nights. Life is totally unmanageable without rest...not telling you anything you do not know. lol I am assuming that you are being treated with medication for your depression and most of the time it is working. Make sure the doctor who is treating you for your depression is aware of current problems. Hopefully your disability will kick in and allow you to get some regular help. Wish we lived closer to help you. Take care of yourself.
    • CommentAuthorLFL
    • CommentTimeDec 24th 2012
     
    Oh Deb, I want to help you so much through this terrible nightmare you're living in!!!!! I just cannot believe that there is no one to help you. Don't get angry at me-I just want to make sure you've looked everywhere for help (I know you have from previous posts). Have you spoken to the pastor of the church? What about your atty-can he/she offer any advice as to how you can get your husband out of there or some help? How about calling your state legislator or your local congressman's office? I know a woman who was having difficulty getting her husband in a nursing home and her state legislator was able to clear the way so she could get him admitted. Of course unfortunately it's the holiday season and no one is around this week...

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. You CANNOT continue to do this without sleep. Good luck with the disability.
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      CommentAuthorJudithKB*
    • CommentTimeDec 24th 2012
     
    Deb: Call the AD Association in your city, county or state. There has to be one available to you some place. They can recommend a social worker for you who will know what is available to you in your area. In fact, your dr.'s office should know this information also and/or your local hospital. They can point you in the right direction. Do you live in a large area or in a small town? How old is your dh and you? Is your dh a Vet??...the VA could offer you help also.

    Have you contacted more then one nursing home or have to tried an assisted living place?? There is lots of help out there and you just need to contact different places until you find the right one. And, of course, you need help. You and your health matter and very few if any caregivers can do this alone for any extended length of time.

    We are here to help you so please keep us posted on your efforts and vent all you want...you have earned the right to vent and ask for help and get it. If you werre near by I would be there in a heart beat to help you. Take care and know all of us here care about you....you will make it through this horrible ordeal because you are stronger then you think you are. Do you have medications from the doctor that might help with your dh sleeping at night so you also can get some rest?
  2.  
    Deb, my heart aches for you. I so wish we could be there physically to help you. There are some good suggestions and advice here. There's got to be some help for you somewhere. Keep calling until you find someone. {{{{HUGS}}}}}
    • CommentAuthordeb42657
    • CommentTimeDec 24th 2012
     
    Why is it that total strangers are willing to help me more than people that I already know! I go to church every week and during the week I don't even see a one of them. They know everything that is going on with me but... LFL, I never even considered state legistrator or congressman. In my head I know that any day now he is going to physically qualify for the help that I need but I can't convice my heart. Some days he looks like he could go on for years yet!
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      CommentAuthorBama* 2/12
    • CommentTimeDec 24th 2012
     
    Praying that God will put his loving arms around you and bring you comfort and peace.
    • CommentAuthormothert
    • CommentTimeDec 25th 2012
     
    Deb, have you spoken to your pastor about your feeling of isolation and the need for help? My church jumps right in and helps out those in the congregation who are in need, period. I just don't think people who aren't up close and personal with what this disease are aware of how devastating it is, mostly to you. I am so sorry that you are so all alone with this tremendous burden.
    • CommentAuthordeb42657
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2012
     
    mothert, I have told them but I have a feeling that they don't believe me or something. I am not sure what it is. I called some of my friends in California and told them how isolated I have been and they wish they were here because they would be here to help me. Every one here acts like as long as they are taken care of then nothing else matters. They are all busy taking care of their own that they either don't have the time or the concern or a little of both. They don't even come to visit my H anymore like they use too. I think they don't know what to do or say. It is too depressing for them. I don't know but I can't control what they do or don't do I can only control what I do but lately that has been out of my control too. I can just hope and pray that this doesn't destroy my life a long with his.
  3.  
    Deb...I feel for you. I'm sorry you are all alone ...wish we could all gather around you to comfort you..
    I haven't heard from my eldest son in months, not even a call at Christmas...and that hurts.
    Yes, how long will this go on for!...
    • CommentAuthordeb42657
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2012
     
    Julia, I think you all have gathered around me to comfort me already and I love you all for it! Without you all and this website I think I would have just curled up in a corner somewhere and given up. I can't thank Joan and all of you enough. This time of year is soooo much harder because we are more isolated. In the time since 2009 when he was diagnosed I have lost so many friends who use to talk to me but stay as far a way as possible now because they just don't have the capability or the tools to handle my situation. My family all live over in TX and they haven't come to see me. I have 6 grandchildren now and I have only seen the oldest one in person. Yes! it hurts and we have enough hurt without that being one of them but there is nothing we can do about it. I ask myself every day how long will this go on for? It would be nice if someone could tell us that. Would it make it easier to handle if we knew...I am not sure!
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      CommentAuthorAnchor20*
    • CommentTimeDec 27th 2012
     
    Hey Deb, Have you come right out and asked your friends or church for help point blank or simply told them you need help. I know it seems like this shouldn't be required but in many cases it is. I think if you do ask for help point blank it would help to let them know what helping would involve. People have a natural fear of the unknown so if you can remove the unknown part that may also help them make a decision to help you.

    You said earlier that your family lives in Texas. Have you considered moving closer to your family? Would they be able to commit to helping you if you were closer to them?

    JimB
  4.  
    Deb, I have gotten the "it's too depressing" line from people. Screw "em. They should come and walk a mile in our shoes! Ya can't fix 'em, so forget 'em!
  5.  
    Deb, another suggestion for help would be your local Area Agency on Aging. Ask for their Senior Care Coordinator. This person's job is to find you the help you need. They are not cheap, but well worth the cost.