Dado is now being taken to the small local hospital for the second time this week. 4 days ago as he could not stop falling . Just now, because he was psychotic and trying to be violent. I just happened to be on the phone with the VA Social worker, when he started yelling. What timing , she is my witness, and she was saying oh my God call the ambulance and police. He was getting up out of his wheelchair, yelling PISS PISS PISS at the top of his lungs., and when I tried to calm him down he slapped at me. Then, even though he can barely walk, he went over to the kitchen sink, tried to drink the dish soap out of the bottle, and grabbed a glass lid and swung it around.
He got back in his wheelchair, quiet for just a minute , and then started yelling again. This all while the Social Worker was on the phone.
So..they asked if I wanted to drive up to the hospital, and I said NO!! Not only have I not slept for almost a week, except for brief moments, but now I am coming down with a bad flu. I want them to keep him there tonight. Tomorrow the Social Worker and VA nurse are coming out, and trying to work on immediate placement. The Medicaid HAS been approved, except for some last minute papers and numbers. SO I don't know, don't know where he is going, or what is happening.
I am going now to wash all the floors, clean up the urine, work it out.
Just in shock. I wanted to let you all know. Please pray or hope or both for us.
How sad it is to read this Coco. No wonder you are in shock but at last there is some action going on now that will, hopefully, help you both. Your journey to date has been shocking but you have survived. Wishing you (more) strength for the days ahead.
Dear Coco, I am so sorry for what you have had to go through. Praying for rest and healing for you and peace and comfort for Dado. Hang on....God help us all.
Coco-sorry for the way it happened-but at least the process has started. Put his evil family out of your thoughts and get some much needed rest. Hope you are soon over your flu. Wish I could send you some chicken soup.
Coco, I'm so sorry that happened . I repeat the very same thing bluedaze* said. I'll be thinking of you and praying that everything goes well for you and Dado.
Coco, I am so sorry to hear this. It must be so frightening when your dear husband has a psychotic break like this! You need to be safe though. sleep and rest he will be taken care of by the professionals. My dh just sits in his recliner and watches Bonanza and MASH over and over and still laughs. He even knew yesterday that he has seen them all but he still loves them, then he forgot the name of Bonanza and called it that old western. (He watches it every day)
Awww Coco, what a time you've had. So much effort, and yet another episode to face. How overwhelming can it get for you? I am so glad the timing on your social worker's call was when it was, and glad you had authorities take him to the hospital. Surely things will move along now, and all of your planning will come about. It wouldn't be safe for either of you to continue like you have had to. Being sick on top of it all is awful. Pace yourself, rest when you can, and know my prayers and thoughts are with you and your Dado.
Coco, rest my friend, close your eyes and sleep. If you need to go to the ocean and let the sound of the gentle waves rock you and caress you until you sleep. Your body is calling out for rest. I am glad that Dado is in the hospital so they can evaluate him. Please dear friend, close your eyes and rest. All of this will still be here tommorrow when you can awake fresh and ready of handle it. I am praying for peace and rest for both of you.
Coco, I am so sorry this has happened but as all your friends here have said, you need the rest and peace so you can recharge. And Dado will be okay at the hospital. Perhaps this is a blessing...albeit a difficult one. Hugs and prayers for you both.
Coco...Hope you are resting. What a terrible experience. Maybe now they will get Dado to a place where he will be safe and you also will be safe for more then just a day or two. They will get him calmed down at the hospital with the necessary medication. Like I told you the other day, if it hadn't been for hospice and them providing me with the necessary drugs to keep Jim calm I never could have kept him at home to the end.
Jim was never threatening towards me...but, when he got really really upset it was because he didn't want to pee in the bed and/or his diapers. He never was incontinent which was difficult to believe. You need to take care of yourself and get some rest. Huggggssss..
I am so sorry that you and your DH had to go thru this -- people just do not understand what these diseases are really like. Thankfully, someone else will care for him for the moment. You need your rest and time out--big time. I send you understanding and strength.
how difficult the fast pace of his decline is for you dear coco. you are right in getting the process moving as quickly as possible. its time for the professionals to take over his care. hope you can get some rest once hes been admitted. divvi
thanks everyone. waiting for the VA nurse and Social Worker to arrive. They are trying to move him right from the hospital in town directly in to the VA Home right next door. They said they really don't think the Foster Homes are qualified at this point.
Please everyone know how much your love all means to me. I know how much you all suffer too, and yet perservere. I try not to think of his sweet face and voice or I fall to pieces, each time I just give the BIg girl panties a little tug. I am proud of myself.
bluedaze* I am even dealing well with the dumb family issues, once again a sister called and started telling me how he is possessed by a demon, I politely gave her the doctors number, told her I am sorry I cannot talk about pointless and hurtful things, and hung up. This is going to make me a much stronger person, in a good way. I don't want to be bitter.
Shall update later, and once again, for all of you, I love you so much. Please if there is any going through the Medicaid process and you have a question, I would be happy to help.
Oh Coco, my heart goes out ot you. You have been through so much & now this. At this point I hope that they can admit him to the Veterans Home. Please try to get some rest when you can. I will be praying for you & Dado.
Coco-wish I was there to put my arms around you!!! He will be taken care of and they will be able to get the meds adjusted-then you may be able to see parts of YOUR DADO again. In the mean time just know that we love you and you are in our prayers.
You have been through so much...I can't imagine how hard this has been for you. And just when I am in the midst of a pity party, I read your situation and realize how much better off I still am... I wish for you some rest and peace.
Hugs and prayers; you continue to be a blessing to others even tho' you may not feel it now. Deep breaths, rest, relax. Glad the social worker is aware first-hand of your struggle.
Waiting to hear from you Coco....if you have time an up-date would be appreciated. Know you are very busy or resting which would be so good for you. Just know we all are thinking of you and hoping things go well with Dado being at the hospital. Huggggs.
God you guys are so comforting. I know you know. Just hearing that I could possibly be a blessing makes every hurt worth it. It has made me decide to be even stronger, and no need to fall apart so badly. Oh friends., I felt I was going to have a heart attack from lack of sleep, even yelling at him in the middle of the night when he got up needlessly every 10 minutes. So to hear I am an example,makes me want to do even better.
Mimi please please do not think that way. As many have said, they are glad to have gotten through the earlier stages, because sadly now you will have to take all the steps that go along with progression, not a lot to look forward to. As sad as it is to see my beloved go down so fast, if it is going to kill him, I would rather it move along. You have every reason to be sad and stressed Mimi.
Dado is going in for an MRI this morning. They ADMITTED him thank God, after trying to get me to go get him. He is in a "regular" ward, with a nurse by his side 24 hours. (What does that say?)
The Medicaid has not totally kicked in yet., so the hospital has said I will be responsible for approx. $1500.00 a day fee, and he could be in there for more than a week. However my Social Worker is working feverishly on getting it finalized, and told me DO NOT WORRY, it WILL kick in and be retroactive to when I applied over a month ago.
And you know what? Even if I was slapped with a $50,000.00 hospital bill, I will pay them $20 a month for the rest of my life. I just know the right decision was made as if he had stayed home the other night, I personally would not have made it mentally or physically.
Just got off the phone with the Social worker, and actually had a giggle. She said they asked Dado who was the president , and he said Abraham Lincoln!!
Taking one more day to recover from flu, then going to see my sweetheart tomorrow. He is a doll, despite his aggression the other day. He cried when I told him he was getting violent, and said no no no.
I have also made a decision to bring him home at the end stages, the team will help me with hospital equipment and Hospice.
Prayers and warm thoughts are really helping I can tell. Back at all of you too.
Coco - Sweetie, what an ordeal you've been through. I'm so glad that you happened to be on the phone with the Social Worker and that your Medicaid approvals are all ready to go. There comes a time when we, as hard as we try and as much as we want to keep them home, cannot. I will pray that they can get him calmed down and that he has a smooth transition into his new home. And, for you, Coco, as you are now moving into a new season, truly all on your own. Get some rest, heal from your flu, and, do keep us posted.
I hope that things have calmed down for you a bit so that you can begin to recuperate from all the trauma. Sending you and your husband love and prayers.
thanks guys. I went yesterday to the hospital, over 2 hours from here. He had been in 2 nights already and I stayed home to combat this flu. It is still hanging on, at the deep cough phase now but hopefully on it's way out.
He was more alert than I have seen him in a long time. And he was even walking better. this damn disease is so perplexing! The nurse did say that he slept like the dead the last night he was there, to me this is likely why he was "better" I told them he basically did not sleep for a week, waking up every 15 minutes, falling constantly, they could see his bruises.
He even laid a guilt trip on me when I was leaving after a five hour visit. He said, "You are supposed to stay by my side, " with tears streaming down his face. You know of course his speech and words are still garbled, just better than a few days ago. ( When asked who the president was, he said Danny Thomas!!)
I know so many of you deal with this, and have had to. Of course in a stupid way I feel guilty, knowing I should not.
I will rest today, and make the journey again tomorrow, and hopefully they will let me spend the night Christmas Eve so I can be there in the morning. His room is spruced up with pictures and fruit and a couple of wrapped presents. This week will hopefully resolve the Medicaid issue and I will not be liable for the hospital bill. I don't care as I said, he is where he needs to be.
One more thing. I HAVE NOT even called or told any family on the other island, or the uncle he has on this island. He emphatically said he did not want to see them, and I believe him. I am there most of the time, and it is not like he is having a medical emergency. One of the granddaughters had said she wanted to fly from Maui to spend the Christmas 2 days with us,......this remains to be seen. I suppose I will have to call her, and dang this will let the cat out of the bag. I am going to wait until the end of today to make a decision on that.
so...it goes on. Have a good day my friends, I try to think of the reason for this season.
Your first priority is to get over the flu. This is hard, long trip to see your husband and you aren't well. Do they have facilities so you can spend the night?
Since he expressed that he didn't want relatives there I would follow his instructions, afraid their presence will aggravate him. And I am sure you are right about him sleeping.
Paulc is so right. Now is fiblet time if needed. Tell them he is very stressed and company is the last thing he needs and you will let them know when he is up to having visitors.
I have not told ANYBODY he has been in the hospital for the 5th night now. I feel, as the issue was violence and I was over the top not knowing how to cope, it has NOTHING to do with them. He is in getting evaluated I suppose, and calmed down. If he was admitted for a medical emergency I would have told them.
Have not heard from supposed Maui granddaughter coming for Christmas, that is how that family is. Big drama and then not the courtesy to let me know, just yell at me and curse me.
After reading the thread Deb has just put up, how I know even more, I did the right thing.
Tomorrow I go back to hospital, get updated, and maybe spend the night with him.
Coco, I was wondering if after he comes back home are you going to be afraid of his being back home? I think maybe that is one reason why I didn't call the police because after a day or two they would just bring him back home. If I can ever get him placed anywhere I really don't want him back! Does that make me a terrible person?
Dear Coco I read your posts . I wad feeling so sorry for myself and my problems seem small in comparison to yours . Take care of yourself Coco! I will be praying for you ((hugs))
mary75*, I hope too, that God will mend our hearts., and to rise above the pain in this world. I have to believe this is so.
deb42657 of course you are not terrible. When Dado is home and acting out and I do not sleep, I wish that he was somewhere and I would NEVER have to take care of him again. Yet, now, that he is in the hospital, sad, maybe feeling abandoned, my heart tears in bits and pieces and I just want to crawl in a secret place with him, somewhere warm like a cocoon, and never come out.
I do have some GOOD day after Christmas news. If any of you have been following my LONG diatribe with placement and Medicaid , you will know that the Medicaid is still pending finalization. The hospital administration told me that there would be a chance that I could be liable for his $1500 a day stay, and we are in to a week now. I did mention that I had no choice, and would accept it, but, of course it is so scary when you do not have the money.
ANYWAY, just talked to the Medicaid lady and she said that yes, when and "if", (it will be), approved, most of his hospital stay will be covered and we may only have to put out a few hundred dollars. So despite still fighting this terrible flu/cold, and laying here alone missing my marriage, it is a big thing to have heard this.
I'm sure this is happy news, Coco! I was almost sure Medicaid would be retroactive to his admission. Sometimes, things do work out for us, don't they??
Hugs to you and I sure hope you can get rid of the bug you have!
Praying for you, Coco. This disease is so perplexing, as you said above. So far, I've been able to keep Herb compliant with the use of meds and this has made everything soooo much better for me, and him, as you all know who have experienced the aggression that rears it's ugly head in our lo's at times. I am facing my Herb spiraling downhill so rapidly that it has taken my breath away - I hope this is and isn't what I think (I know this makes sense to you). But, I have been thinking about the being without him scenario and it feels so empty. Guess we all have to face up to this eventually. Damned if we do, damned if we don't. I'm glad the VA is finally coming through, high medical bills are extremely stressful and you've had enough of that!
Hope your new year is much brighter. Lots of Hugs!
I went to the hospital today, after having missed one day. (It is 9 days now)
Saw the doctor yesterday and lucky I went, she said I am almost in a pnuemonia phase and has loaded me up with antibiotics, inhaler, and codeine syrup.
He was so angry when he saw me coming , so mad that I am NOT THERE ALL THE TIME. It took me a long time to tell him that I am SICK, that I could die if I do not get better, and he eventually settled down. I spent 6 hours hanging with him, laying in bed with him, giving him snacks and rubbing lotion on his legs and feet.
We are still waiting for final Medicaid approval...oh please pray for us it happens soon, this indecision is eating me up. And sadly, the local hospital here will not take him, they say maybe in 4 to 6 months and he will have to settle down a little. So it is up in the air just what is going to happen. It looks as if the Adult Foster homes are not being recommended by the VA team, they think he is too much for them. It may be that he has to go in to Life Care in Hilo, two hours from here.
PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME to NOT take him out of the hospital, IT IS ALL I CAN DO NOT TO!! It is not like it is a bad place, but he is just so sad and oh it is so hard. I have to hang on until the Medicaid decision is made.
Just suffering so and crying and wondering how long one can take pain, a pain that is real and not some bi polar thing or just depression. It just goes on and on. Sometimes I just want to say to hell with it, lose it all whatever that is, and take him.....where?? I hope I am not going crazy. You are the only ones who know, and I once again., feel so sad for you too
back to edit...oh ..so much for my staying strong and a good example. Ok , I just remembered that some of you said that, and am tugging at the Big girl panties again...
It'll be OK,Coco.we'll put new elastic in your big girl panties and all help you pull them up so they stay. So sorry you have been having such a rough time,I pray that things will soon get resolved for you. Take some deep breaths,try to relax so you don't crash.
CoCo. honey, take care of Yourself. But your life jacket on first and put your oxygen mask on First, then help others. He is safe and secure and well taken care of in the hosp. You on the other hand are on your own. Stay in bed and heal things will look much better when you are well and rested. prayers for you and lots of hugs. Wish I could give you some hot herbal tea and chicken soup. May God grant you peace and grace.
Coco: Please take care of YOURSELF...this is really important. Dado is getting good care and I know the pressure of all of this is so difficult to deal with but your health must come first now.
I don't think you have to worry too much about the medicaid. When you apply for different VA benefits they go back to when your application was filed. Plus...they can't get blood out of a turnip so since you don't have the money to pay they will have to allow you the care for Dado. Lots of people have accidents or become very ill and they are taken care of by doctors and hospitals and what needs to be done is done.
Get some rest and get well....prayers and hugs for you.
Coco, just because we said that your strength was an inspiration, that doesn't mean that you cannot be human. You go ahead and complain as much as you want. As others have said, Dado is in good hands so you need to focus on getting yourself well. This means lots of sleep and going easy on yourself. Hugs and prayers coming your way.
Still, still awaiting medicaid approval, what with holidays and all it is taking it's time. The medicaid lady assured me it should be soon, then, we can apply for placement, and dear God, hopefully get this mounting hospital bill paid. It is 15 days now, looks like it could stretch in to three weeks I hope not more.
I had managed to keep it hush hush until yesterday when one of the sisters called, and I had to fess up. Ugh. Gave her the overall and insisted she be gentle with me, or I would not talk. She got all on about all of them coming over to see him, all 4 sisters. I mean, they could have come when he was HOME. I tried to convince her to WAIT until he gets out of the hospital..just WAIT he is just adjusting and I know for a fact he does not want to see them, he tells me that all the time.
I did a fiblet..said it was just a few days since he got admitted. I hope..they do not find out different. But if so, I will just have to be strong and tell them I just could not talk to anyone, what with being so sick and so heartsick. I JUST HAVE TO STOP TALKING TO THEM < SCREEN CALLS> give them social worker and VA nurse number. They have agreed that they will front for me and tell them the scoops.
They are still on the "spiritual possession" thing, no matter what I say. Truly, I have to let that whole family go, except for him.
Please cross all fingers and toes for us this gets resolved soon, and we can move him to a more permanent location.