Only now can I share with you that my 'Tony' has passed on. That was Dec, 8. I'm still in that place where nothing seems real, and walking through the motions like a robot. My emotions are all over the place, happy, sad, angry, lost, ….just not able to know what to expect in the next few moments. I am sure all who have lost their loved ones have felt the same. It is just so difficult to get a grip, and get back in control. I can smile and say all is fine, be strong for my family, and in an instant, I'm overcome with my loss. My guy was 73, 7 years since Dx. He was slipping fast into stage 7, and needed my help to stand, walk, ….well, everything. As I constantly hoovered over him, he never fell, until Dec. 1, when he tried to get up to go to the bathroom by himself. To the floor he went, and couldn't move. My son came over to help, but there was no moving him, as his Parkinson symptoms left him so rigid. Though I was certain he couldn't have broken anything, we took him to the ER anyway, by ambulance. Broken hip. A replacement was done, as I would need to be able to move him, comfort, etc. Three days of re-hab and doing well, transport to the Rehab/NH was there, then suddenly the respiratory problems overcame him, so he was kept in the hospital. He was conscious for a few days, and we were able to express our Love to him, even though he could only answer with his eyes. The hospital let us know they offered palliative care, and it wouldn't be necessary to transport him home for Hospice. Two days later he passed away as I lay sleeping on a chair at his bedside. For too long I have waited for something to happen to make the placement decision unnecessary for me, until I became too weak, or able to do much more. I had listened to Joan and her counsel of 'sooner than later', and seen Coco and others step up and take action, so I did it too. I had done all the elder care attorney arrangements, I had researched and made arrangements for a nursing home, which in itself tore my heart into pieces (also financial suicide), even had a DNR, which came in handy as I physically had to stop the cart as they pushed it into his room on only the 4th night. OK, I am rambling on, and can maybe share more at a later time. I am eternally grateful that he no longer suffers in that awful prison of a disease. Thank you all for so much comfort. As so many have attested, this site is and has been an anchor and my comfort haven for so long. I am forever grateful to you all.
I'm sorry that you've lost your Tony. Thank you for sharing this story. His suffering has ended knowing you were there for him. Do you need some help in putting the star by your name?
Janny take comfort in knowing yopu did your best to see Tony through, with great love and with dignity. Allow time to do its healing work to bring you through the grief and into your next chapter. May the Peace of the season enfold you and give you and your family ease.
Janny, I share more than just the date, December 8th, with you. It seems as though our husbands were both at about the same stage. This is a strange period of life. And this forum is a good place to be.
Click on the Account tab at the top here Click on Personal Information (blue left hand side) Click into the tab behind "Your User Name" (the first one) which now says 'janny'. Put the star in (shift + 8) Scroll to the bottom and click on "Save"
Dear Janny, I'm sending you my love and prayers at this difficult time. You have been such a staunch help to your husband, and you can take comfort in that. The emotions can be overwhelming. I found it best to let them come and not fight them -it seemed to help the healing process.
janny*, so very sorry to hear of your loss, but now he is at peace - and I earnestly pray and hope that you will find peace, strength and comfort in the days ahead.
janny* so very saddened to hear of your dear Tony's passing. in a way all of us would like to be in the 'after'- knowing how difficult that will be for each of us, and having to lose our beloved to get there; peace to you and yours. divvi
I think an end that comes suddenly and passes without too much delay isn't the worst thing most of us here can think of. You have done well, and been a good spouse.
God Bless and keep you Janny. Your beloved Tony is at peace. The days and weeks ahead will be the toughest on your heart as we go into Christmas week. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself and get plenty of rest.
Hugs and condolences. Each of us accepts the inevitable in different ways. I'm confident each of us does our best in the awful situation we find ourselves--dealing with all the losses connected to dementia.
So sorry Jenny....and I know exactly how you are feeling. Just about the time you think "I can handle this"...something out of the blue slaps you up the side of the head and you fall a part all over again. Everyone tells us it gets better...but, when you are down it is difficult to believe and this time of the year makes it worse. Bless you and the care you gave your spouse.
Janny - my dh went very quickly too. We were eating in a restuarant one night and nothing seemed unusual. Only a few hours later in was in the ER. Two weeks later he was gone never having gained consciousness completely. Let those tears come when they will it is very cleansing, I think. My deepest sympathy to you - it is very hard - nothing seems to make mine easier even though two months have past.
I surely want to wish my heartfelt thanks to all of you for your comforting words and wise advise. You are always here, and always seem to say what I need to hear, even when reading another discussion. I don't feel I would have made it through the struggle without all of you.
We all have struggled with the exhaustion and frustration with this disease, with the major things like mobility, memory and cognitive depletion, medical needs, home maintenance, the finances, and too much more to list. Then there are the little tics, the sneaking and paper shredding, blank stares, repetitive conversations turning to hardly any at all, incontinence, and again too much more. This does not begin to speak of the constant loss of emotional comfort, doing any preparation for placement, if even able to let yourself consider it....when you must,....and each of us having our personal most awful experiences. What a torturous ride. This disease is honestly one of constant grieving. Even before we lose them here on earth,... we do. I think the not knowing how long it will last here, is the toughest part of all. I know that I have at least been relieved of that, am so grateful, and now need to begin to heal and find my way. I honestly didn't think it would be so difficult. I thought I was more prepared than I am. It's a whole new time of not knowing how long this too will last. Guess that's up to me.
My thoughts and prayers are with all of you, especially those of you who continue to care for your loved ones. You will persevere! Listen to the comforting words on this blog from so many that have shared it all, or that are sharing it now. We need each other, and are always here. Blessings to all, and thank you again.
Funny how a little note of good wishes can make such a difference in your day. Thank you each and every one, and let's remember to answer those who need us. We need to be here.