Company is coming, gifts bought, house sort of cleaned, and ordering pre-cooked Holiday Meal for main event. But I just can't get the energy to pull the tree out of garage to put in house and decorate it (and have to put it away again). Probably just put out some plastic poinsettias and a wreath. Anyone else so very tired?
Yes. I too don't have the spirit like I have always had in the past. I love Christmas, always have...and it is my birthday too. But this year with DH going down more with his memory, the stress of looking into assisted living, the general anxiety attacks I have had in recent months, and the general state of the world and economy, it seems even in shops here people don't much have the spirit.. That said, I am going to muster up the energy to get the tree up even if the kittens pull it over...It might be the last Christmas in our home with DH here and not in a facility or even if he is here, he might not even put it together then and this year he can...and he has always loved our tree...so it will go up. All that is out now is a wreath. Can't have the plants since the kittens will get into them and they will get sick. ( and my kittens are brilliant...they can climb the mullins on the windows...yep they sure can.So the tree will be a cinch.
MsAbby, I feel the same way, and when I do start to decorate, all I do is cry. My DH is going into stage 6 and is totally oblivious of the holidays or my birthday yesterday or anything related to our 21 years together. He is in his own world and only wants me to take care of him. I have to admit, I DO NOT get any satisfaction or find purpose in caregiving. I feel like the maid. I work very hard at being patient and compassionate, but that leaves me exhausted, empty, and so deeply sad.
MsAbby. I too did not feel like decorating. I am n a funk. My DH is also stage 6. It is hard to shop. He actually took a car ornament off our tree, when I was out, and threw it away. We have things so some ornaments will spin. Our girls got him the ornament years ago. It has always been on the tree. He asked me to take it off the spinner. I did and asked if I could put it somewhere else on the tree. He said it was fine. But apparently it wasn't. He said he did it because he cannot drive or work on cars. The funny thing is he has about 6 little model cars in his garage. He would be so mad if I suggested selling his truck. When he was 50 I got him a 76 corvette that needs lots if work. He showed symptoms at 52. It has not been touched. He has not asked to get rid of it. So I put up the tree and some garland, not much else. Last year I started putting up less. He usually helps with the tree, but that stopped 2 years ago.
Oh well, our girls are coming home. I am going to have a great Christmas. I hope everyone here has great Holidays.
Happy Birthday, Fiona! And Happy Early Birthday to you, Mimi!
I gave up decorating a large tree years ago. I just decided any tradition that did not have a positive feeling was not a tradition worth keeping. Hauling all that stuff out of the attic, hanging it on the tree, and doing it all in reverse a few weeks later just suddenly seemed silly. So I bought a small (maybe 3 ft) pre-lit tree from Target. Now each year it takes me literally one minute to open its box, pop the base onto the bottom, pop the top half of the tree onto the bottom, pull the branches down, plug it in – and voila! My kids complained like crazy. I told them they were welcome to get a tree and decorate it as long as they took everything down afterward, too. Surprise! No takers.
The little tree is simple and pretty and stress free! And seeing it lit up at night brings a little cheer :)
I agree, mary22033. I always put up 7 large trees at Christmas! Yes, 7! Loved doing it and still would love to do it. But...can't do that anymore. I bought the same as you, mary22033, and I have 3 of them. They are easy, small, and so pretty when lit at night. Simple and easy is my mantra these days!
This is the first year in 8 years that I have the Christmas spirit. It is an odd, but welcome feeling after all those years.
There is no right or wrong. Don't let people pressure you, do only what you feel you can or want to. One year after I placed Lynn I spent Christmas alone. I didn't want to be with my family and my heart was too broken to visit with Lynn. I spent the day in my pajamas curled up in a ball on my couch.
Totally agree MsAbby. I threw a holiday pillow on the couch and called it a day. I haven't done a lick of shopping or anything else holiday related. I've always had trouble with the holidays, even as a kid, but this year is the worst. Hang in all of you! Thinking of you all!
One of the prettiest homes I ever saw was a contemporary home with lighted trees everywhere.. all white lights.. a White Angel, and no other decorations. The trees had been sprayed white too. They had a tall tree in the living room, smaller table top trees in the foyer and hallways. and a tiny one foot tree on the bathroom dressing table, all just with lights. I love my ornaments, but I'll always remember how pretty those twinkling snowy-looking trees looked.
This is the first year in the past 60 that I have not put up a tree or any decorations for that matter. Since the * behind my name I haven't had any desire to decorate or have the large family dinner here. I live quite a distance from the street so outside decorations aren't very visible until you're close to the house and no one is coming here except me these days. I always put the tree on the sun porch which is in the back of course so no one would see it. I'm not having the family here this year I am going to the ALF to be with my 91 yr. old sister. Other family members may join us I'm not sure about that. So I understand the reason for the season and will be attending our church's services and trying to not be a drag on other's holiday.
My husband is so improved since his hospital stay and after my surgery, I am pain-free for the first time in 4 1/2 years so we have much to celebrate this Christmas. That being said "simplify" is my new mantra. I stopped sending Christmas cards - had been sending out a big batch for 35+ years. We always host a holiday family party. I sent a group e-mail explaining that we would not be hosting it any more but that if someone else decided to hold it, we would attend. I love our Christmass tree but everytime I look at it I think "you're next!" :) I am looking into either a pop-up tree or perhaps a table-top for next year. I am willing to do whatever I think will help to keep things on an even keel and reduce stress.
Every day my husband picks up the mail. And every day for the last week he has come through the door with a big happy smile saying "We just got our first Christmas card of the season!" It's so nice to see him excited about Christmas - I know that will change as his disease progresses.
Can't get in the mood yet to put up the tree....and it's not a live tree. Finally decided to get an artificial tree last year for the very first time. DH was a little upset because we've always had a large, real tree which has a wonderful scent and makes the house smell like Christmas. Every time we go out DH syas "Tree, tree, tree....when are we cutting ours down?" I guess well tackle it this weekend.
I was not going to bother with a tree because of the kittens. But hubby wants a tree...and who knows, it could be is last one here at home if something happens in the next year that means placement( that is another topic...have had to do searching in case of emergency and getting his name on lists. At the doctor's today when this was explained, the confusion, dismay had heartbreak showed on his face and I thought he would cry. Even the doc was somewhat confused as he thought I was going to place. I said no not now and maybe not for more than a year but I need a back up if I get sick etc..you all know the drill). So I am going to pull the tree out, set it up sans decorations for a day or two to see what Xena and Gabrielle will do and then put only the ornaments that I don't have to worry about in case they break some. Also I got a nifty tree music box through the Brandford exchange earlier this year. Put 3 batteries in it and the snow globe comes to life, the town lights up and a whole lot of well played carols are played...that is in the dining room on the table. I don't really have the "spirit" either, but I want some cheer for HD...maybe it will rub off.. I have the gifts for others and they are all home made this year...knitted scarves....nice ones so hope they like them..
My tradition is that the Christmas tree doesn't go up until a few days before Christmas, and then stays up for the 12 days of Christmas. So I will start to decorate this weekend. One year I did a tree with just lights, didn't open the box of ornaments, and that was quite pretty. Last year I had a bit more energy and this year I have two projects. I'm weaving a Christmas runner for our narrow mantelpiece, and I've ordered a donut shaped vase to make a wreath around a candle for the table with holly and camelia flowers from my yard. The useful thing about the weaving (with a table loom) is I do it at the dining table when I have done eating and my husband has taken his middle of the meal trip to the bathroom and come back to slowly finish eating.
No tree here either but I am going to decorate some tree branches and hang on the stairs going to the loft. That's enough.
I've been looking for one of those tree with the lights on it but no luck so far. Target is coming up here to the interior so I'll have a look when the store opens.
Okay, company coming this weekend with Kids. Put up tree; very simple version of one; but pretty. It took 1hour total, and will take 1/2 hour total to put away. I guess I want these children to know that even with a sick person in the house life is still pretty much okay. Do appreciate all the comments, nice to know I'm not alone.
Wow...that is so true...one big step. I had to leave the department store the other day when I was shopping ...I just couldn't handle the Christmas carols. Got to go back and face it tomorrow and finish my shopping.
I think it's up to me to at least try and reclaim parts of the love I once felt. I jiggled on the christmas tree lights until I got them to work. But I couldn't face putting the ornaments which she collected all our lives back up on the tree.
I just finished watching the christmas carol with George C Scott. When he pleaded with the last spirit 'why show me this if there is no hope', I wept telling him that my wife was never shown that once. But when he 'kept christmas in his heart as well as any man' and carried a healthy tiny Tim, I was glad because it's good to feel good emotions and to reclaim what we can when we can of them.
In two weeks I enter my second year alone. I've been a zombie most of the year. As part of coming out I've developed a sullen kind of resentment/anger which was never part of my character. The thing is it is now and while I've earned that, it's a cage where I would spend the rest of my life if I don't open my heart again. And I can't open my heart if it's fake or a front because it doesn't work for me. I have no choice but to learn to love things again and open my heart truly to them.
I think it's truth that when we begin to face our life alone one of our goals should be learning how to make ourselves feel good again. That is what a whole person does. They feel both joy and saddness and neither throws them out of the saddle. I'm starting with small things and with a little luck a few christmases from now I might be able to include the feelings of her with my feelings of then and enjoy christmas for both of us with a genuine heart.
I think of it as putting myself into the path of engagement. But the deeper truth is I want to feel better and I'm willing to help myself try. That's pretty much a daily thing. But because of it I have christmas songs floating through my head, I've enjoyed watching the girls sing "Come Between Me and My Sister", and now I'm scanning the paper for that shoot your eye out movie. It works. Sometimes.
Here is another thought....get a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. They are about $10 at Hobby Lobby or Michael's and take less than a minute to hang that one ball on that almost needleless tree....but when you put it on a table, sit back and look at it, it helps to recall good times in the past - with our families watching that Charlie Brown special near Christmas each year! My son got one last year (even though he has a big tree too), and it gave me the idea that it might work for one of you (or more!). (AND, you can tell people you have put up your Christmas tree!) <grin>
This year is the first year I'm not putting up my big tree (that is artificial and pre-lit), because the kids aren't coming home. The big tree was (and will be) in the living room and we rarely go in there except when the kids are all at home. (I'll put it up in the years they come in the future.) Three years ago, I bought a little 3 foot table tree for the den so Dave could see it from his recliner and hospital bed that we had in the dining room (after removing the dining room furniture, of course!). He could see everything in the den, including the TV and me and this little tree. I thought that since he loved the Christmas tree and couldn't go into the living room, that this would bring him some joy. What I didn't realize was how much joy that little tree brought me!!!! We had bought ornaments from our Caregiver Cruise that he went on with me, and from our trip to England and Scotland, and so I hung those on that tree. This year, that tree is up and I sit in my recliner in the evenings, and look at it, and remember with happiness our trips and good times.
Each of us needs to do what brings us a measure of happiness during this stressful time. And NO GUILT if we don't have the energy to do past traditions!!! If we want a year or two or three or forever off, that is OKAY. Roll with the punches, and you will come out healthier and happier!
I just came back from a 2 week trip 900 miles away to see my relatives & friends. Our kids went to see DH in the Veterans Home while I was gone. I didn't look forward to putting up the artificial tree we bought 2 years ago. When I drove up to my house I saw Christmas tree lights in my window. My daughter who lives across the street took it upon herself to go in my attic (she had to use a ladder) & get the tree & put it up & decorate it. I cried. I just didn't feel like doing it & she knew that so she did it for me. God bless my daughter.
Best Christmas present you will get this year, I bet!!....You've got a very sweet daughter there and I am sure you know it and appreciate her. Hugs for both of you.
No Christmas tree here in our apartment. We have always used real trees, and they are not allowed in the Inn. My daughter and her family are arriving on Monday and will cut a tree in our woods to put in the family home. My wife and I will probably watch (and maybe supervise) them decorating it.
Judith KB, yes it was one of the best Christmas presents I received this year. The best one was some money my 4 children gave me to take a 2 week trip to my hometown to visit my relatives & friends. They said that I needed a break from being a caregiver & since DH is in the Veterans Home I decided to go. I was gone the first 2 weeks of December & I had a wonderful time.
You seem to have a wonderful family and that is such a blessing. My 2 daughters are also very special towards me even though they both work and one lives in No. Calif. and I live in So. Calif. They are planning a trip with the three of us to Las Vegas in Feb. and my 2 (twin) granddaughters will be going also. Get to have all 4 of my girls together at one time. I need a break and the holidays have caused me to have a minor back slide so a trip for me is in order.
Twas the night before christmas and I was home alone Where no bells were ringing and neither was the phone And while families were gathered at table in cheer It was pork and beans for me and that last can of beer.
I thought of the presents old St Nick didn't bring me And wondered if it was that I didn't have a chimney It couldn't be that he was so terribly smart then If he didn't even know what to do with an apartment.
It's true I had spent time looking out the window For my life which had left and moved off into limbo Which, while others were wrapping presents with care, Left me sitting in front of the TV in my underwear
And how is it I came to this sorry state? You my dear reader might contemplate But I fear I cannot open my soul Without taking you down that rabbit hole
Twas the night before christmas and all through the house The eerie quiet inside it disturbed even the mouse "Why aren't you out celebrating with your fellow man?" He asked his face completely deadpan
"Because I'm full of the spirit you see" I answered rather sarcastically And stopped suddenly with a start Realizing I had been doing both parts
So I shrugged and smiled and flipped on the TV To see that it was Tom Billingsley And I settled in so there would be no doubt That this year he also wouldn't shoot his eye out
And afterwards when that yarn did end My mind drifted fondly to absent friends And I had a thought and I knew it was right "Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!"
Wolf,the poem expresses my feeling completely.A very lonely Christmas time. My oldest GD did come and decorate and put up a tree(A very large tree) but DH asked me what it was. So sad. But I can still wish everyone a Merry Christmas.Especially you,Wolf, who is so elequont(did I spell that right) you know what I mean.
Wolf, I read your poem right after you posted it, but I didn't have time to comment. I liked it a great deal. You do have a way with words and you are right on. I am trying so hard to be strong and make it through this season of "good cheer", but most of the time it just isn't working too well for me. The New Year will be different...we all have to hope for that. Note: I said "different" not the new year will be better. Different I can handle....I think I can.
On the night before Christmas, I’ll be home all alone, No friends, no relations, no choirs, no phone. While others will gather, filled with good cheer, they won’t stir the stillness I’m nurturing here.
It’s how I want it, this first Christmas along; To replay my memories of years so long gone. The laughter and hugs, the gifts, and even the tears ; All of the goodness of 38 years.
I’ll watch Midnight Mass and then go to bed, Wrapped up in memories, as I just said. Come morning I’ll open the gifts that were sent, Then listen to CDs; watch movies I’ve rent.
Dinner—‘tato salad, baked beans, and ham— Traditions I’m keeping—not all—what I can. Sorting the old ways—to keep or discard. Planning for new things—exciting, but hard.
In the time over Christmas, I’ll sort, dream, and plan For building my new life, as good as I can. On the night before Christmas and through the next days, I’m working on healing In all sorts of ways.
Just thought I’d tell you, “I miss you. But it’s really okay. You’re safe in Heaven---I’ll see you one day. Peace be with you, until then—be of good cheer. Merry Christmas! I love you. And Happy New Year!”
Beautiful....I do believe I will keep your poem and read it often. Thank you for posting this. This poem might help others if it were posted on the widow and widowers thread at the top.
Carol, I loved your poem. It made me smile and more hopeful for building a new life while remembering the past. I am finding that I am remembering the good memories. Here's to the future.... May it be filled with sunshine.
Just so beautiful Carosi2*....very touching..I love it. A bit hard to remember the good memories at this time while still living the journey. May there be sunshine and hope for the future.