Not wicked, just normal feelings from having to live in this crazy situation. This is NOT A NORMAL LIFE, you should not be expected to have normal thoughts.
We all have them, just dont pick on yourself and dont feel guilty for feeling this way. Jim
Ann, I just tied another knot in the rope - so hang on! I know the feeling, and m-mman is right - none of us should feel guilty for the way we feel. Arms are around you.
You are not leading a normal life, through no fault of your own. And you're not a saint. Don't hate yourself, be glad that you're normal and having normal thoughts. In as much as possible, I send you strength.
I took DH to see another dr to help with the not sleeping at night. He asked me if I wanted him to talk with me frankly. Of course I said yes. He said given your husbands age (62) his health (perfect except for FTD) he could live another 10 years or more. I was so upset that we could live like this for another 10 years I didn't know what to say. I definitely won't live another 10 years if I have to deal with his disease. And for those of you with spouses who have FTD, he told me the behaviors will get worse before they get better. I think DH is in the equivalent of mid-late stage 6 but he has no other physical conditions and there's longevity in his family. I hate to say this but I dread the thought this may go on for another 10 years.
I too have these thoughts. My DH is 82 and seems to be in mid stage 6. The problem is he is disgustingly healthy and also has longevity in his family. His father and aunts lived to their mid 90's. His mother died young. She was only 90. I also can't imagine doing this another 8 or 10 years. He is nasty and argumentative all the time.
MaryinPA, MY DH was healthy as a horse. Perfect Cholesterol, no heart problems, no kidney problems, rarely a cold, .. don't think he EVER threw up.. he was disgustingly healthy. But Alzheimer's is a killer. As you know, all of our body's organs are controlled by the brain, and when this dastardly disease hits a critical place in the brain, the Kidneys (or something else) will fail. The Kidneys were the first to go, and he died shortly thereafter. That's the good or the bad news about Alzheimer's. Stroke followed his kidney failure, within days and he was gone. After so long, it all happened so fast... (does that make sense?)
Yes, that makes sense to me. I really don't want to place him in assisted living or nursing home until I have to because he has too much income (just barely) to qualify for anything. I do have someone in once a week, but placement will go through the savings pretty fast if or when it happens.
LFL, My husand just turned 60. He has FTD, late stage 6. He is in great physical shape. His doctor told me 5 to 7 years is an average professional guess. I am counting the years. He is so mean and nasty. Angry at me all the time. Doesn't sleep well. I think daycare is concerned about his behavior. He shoved one of the aides and said a string of nasty words that they couldn't understand but they knew it wasn't nice. My sister moved in to help but she is starting to be afraid of him. I too want this to end. It's not his fault and I feel like I'm being selfish to want things differently. I feel like I'm wishing our lives away.
Hi there and Merry Christmas, as I post these comments it is 9:30PM MST in Edmonton, Alberta, the temperature is going to be around -25 deg. C I feel so sad for our dear loved ones who have AD or some other type of dementia, our families, friends and ourselves . The disease is so cruel, I sometimes think of it like a vacuum cleaner as it sucks our LO's brains and at same time it is sucking on all of us, trying to rob us of everything. My wife and I are both 56, she officially DX just over a year ago, although when I had looked at the Fisher website she would be around stage 6c. Due to her anxiety I had to place her in an ALF a year ago this month, that was beyond no fun ( just like many or all of you - no fun any more) Beyond Aricept she is on Celexa as well (150mg) of Seroquel and now due to ever increasing anxiety they are going to start weaning her off the Seroquel and replace it with Zyprexa. As much as I love my beloved Holly I couldn't imagine her being in this horror show for years. There are many times that I don't like to visit her due to this emotional roller coaster as the tremendous stress of dealing with AD, dealing with trying to keep smiling for her ( as I lie through my teeth ), one is always "on shift" and all along knowing that your LO hopefully will improve as the disease progresses. Yes my DW will be less anxious but all that means is "there is less of her" ... very sobering thought ! I guess on Christmas eve I am going to be hopeful for the future that our dear Lord will somehow inspire some researcher soon who will find some better treatment (or hopefully a cure) so that others ( maybe even our kids if its EOAD ) don't have to go through this agony.
May somehow our dear Lord bless each one of us caregivers with large hearts, full of patience and compassion and may each one of us be open to His Love Merry Christmas, Rob
And Merry Christmas to you Rob as well as everyone else.I see you and DW are both so young.This is so sad that you have to face this at such a young age.I feel for all of us.
My husband also has FTD and has for several years with mild/moderate AD .,,He's a Sob do nasty, selfish. mean and vulgar. I can't stand this life with him especially recently when I discovered his sex addiction to prostitutes to the tune of around 500 a week. He's killing me. I hate my thoughts about him. He's repulsive!
Lullie, I know that in the past that you've consulted professionals about problems you've had with your husband. Is it time to do it again? It can't be good for you to be in the situation that you find yourself in now, and I think that you need to take control of it. Maybe he needs medicated. Maybe you need to leave. I suggest you start with your doctor and let him know what's going on. This is more stress than anyone needs, and you should have help.