Well, I came here to vent because my DH started a discussion? we have had over and over and over and he still isn't getting it. After reading the posts and what most of you are going through I decided to forget it. So again. thanks everyone!
I know exactly what you're talking about. Sometimes I swear if I hear that story again, I'll scream. And when we do have a 'conversation,' he looks everywhere except at me. And if I ask him any questions about our 'conversation,' I get a blank stare. It's easier if I don't engage in any conversation. And that makes it rather lonely.
Mawzy, My DH's obession is always about his sister in Ohio who is in a ALF and her Alz is much worse than my DH's. He keeps going on about some list his sister supposedly made for some people to get some of her money when she passes. She did this with the help of the woman from APS and I am the one who told DH about it. NO, NO and NO! I have told him each time this comes up his sister would have to go to her lawyer and have her will changed.... anything written on a piece of paper doesn't mean a thing. He also is talking about us going up there in September and having a "talk" with his sister. Well goodluck if you can have a normal conversation with her. We were up there twice in 3 months, the last time in May and she didn't make any sense then. She is paying for the ALF and chances are if she goes into a NH she will pay there also so who knows if there will be anything left for anyone to get. He can remember things that aren't true so why can't he remember what I've said each time we go through this. I don't get it! I am going to meet a friend for lunch today so hopefully he will have forgotten about this when I get home.
Ladies, I hate to tell you but you are fighting a losing battle. You will do yourself a huge favor if you just listen and agree with whatever he says. He will not remember it in the next half hour. It may not work for you but does for me. I can't tell you all the incorrect and just not factual thing I have been told, just listened and agreed. In the first it is a little hard because it goes against your grain but after a time you get used to it and it is SO much better than trying to correct them. You are happier not fighting a losing battle and they are happy thinking that they have been informative to you Sally
Sally, My DH doesn't think he is being informative.....he is worried about his sister having enough money to pay for her care. This is about the only thing he keeps bringing up and like I said he is aware and can understand lots of other things. I told him lastnight he was upsetting himself over things that might not happen. Part of the problem is he won't believe his sister doesn't know what she is doing or saying. She was never a nice person and as far as he is concerned she hasn't changed. I gave up telling him the Alz just magnified her meaness. She is in the ALF because she caused problems in the Senior apartments where she lived...they were independent living. He just can't seem to understand that his sister can't be reasoned with. Forget changing the subject because he isn't going to let it go.
I'm not sure this would work, but maybe you just let him worry over it. Don't try to comfort him about it. Don't try to correct him. Just say, "Yes, I know..." and walk away.
They go over and over and over the same things when those thing worry them. By the way, I'm beginning to think that the over and over and over again is actually a sign of early dementia because my husband no longer does it.
It is not his problem if she runs out of money. At that point Medicaid will take over, and since there is no spouse to provide for it doesn't matter if they take everything she owns to pay for her care. That is what the things she owns are for.
One of the reasons being a spouse is so different from being a caregiving daughter is that they changed the laws 30 years ago to keep the children of seriously ill parents and grandparents from losing everything. Because my sister and her husband were not considered to be financially responsible for my mother's medical expenses, she was able to live with them until just before she died and also have excellent medical care. If they had been held responsible either she wouldn't have been able to live with them, or she wouldn't have been able to see the doctors she needed to see which is what kept her alive as long as it did and with a reasonably good quality of life.
All of us worry about just being able to survive this disease financially. That really isn't a problem for other kinds of caregivers.
Starling, My DH has gone for his walk and I was thinking about his obsessing over his sister and decided if he brings it up again I will just tell him to wait until we go up there and see how everything is. If that doesn't work I will tell him to "Read my lips..P...s OFF. Do you think that will work? lol. I have told him when and if her money is gone Medicaid will pay for the NH.