Just now, as he does almost every evening my husband asked if I knew how to turn the "thing" outside off, because it is running. I say, "the air conditioner." He points outside and says "that thing!." I said, "Of course it is running; it is in the 80's outside."
We live in Eastern Pennsylvania. There has been a 90+ heat wave going on for a week now. There have even been some nights when I left the air conditioner on all night, although that drives him crazy. He doesn't understand thermostats anymore, or that you have the air conditioner on when it is hot outside, or that it is appropriate to open windows and doors in the morning if it is cooler outside than it is inside, or...
And then I get an "Oooooo-K" with a sneer, as if I'm the crazy one who doesn't understand.
Not a major thing, but just one more thing that raises the stress level.
It is, by the way that OK and that sneer that makes me think that there was some dementia before my husband's BIG EVENT. Low level, but that kind of response to just about any decision I made was pretty common. Not a bad strategy to make people do what you want them to do even when you really don't understand their thinking. Too bad it doesn't work anymore.
Starling, my husband calls everything a whatchmacallit. Don't you wish you had taken mind reading 101? I know I wish I had. Sometimes he gives up on what he is trying to say because I am not guessing correctly. Oh yes it does raise the stress level. Having a conversation (I use the term loosely here), with someone who can't recall the names of person, place or thing, that'll raise your B/P a little. Especially when they act like your the problem, they know what they are trying to say, and you can't guess it.
Today I put my husband's bed all the way flat - he needed to elevate his bad leg. He slept until the doctor (called I believe a Hospitalist; a liaison with a whole group of doctors who does hospital visits for them and reports to them) - until the doctor came, then he woke up and was looking up and holding his arm straight up and lining up something. The doctor said what is it? And he said, that looks like the Battle at Gettysburg. The doctor looked up, from his angle, and said yes it does. I was TOTALLY confused. What they meant was that with the fluorescent lights behind a faceted plastic cover, they looked like ridges or cornrows. When you fly over them, as my husband had done. the BattleFIELD of Gettysburg.
I know exactly what you are saying. My DH used to be a control freak about opening the windows on a hot Sacramento evening and using the whole house fan to cool the house at night. Now he doesn't understand why we have to open the windows and he tries to close them. He also refuses to wear shorts. He doesn't understand why they stop above the knees. It's 501 jeans and short sleeve button up shirts. I make him put shorts on when we walk. He refuses to. I tell him he can't go unless he puts them on. I felt real guilty about doing this to a grown man but I started up the car to drive to our e Walking area and pulled out of the driveway and said, "You can't go unless you put shorts on." He started toward the house to get his shorts. Of course I can't do this unless my daughter is home because I can't leave him alone. This disease definitely messes up their ability to figure out what the temperature is.
I tried to buy him new shoes last Friday. We were in an outlet mall in northern california. He was yelling at the top of his lungs that his shoes are fine over and over again! Next time I am going to take his old shoes to the store myself, match them up as best I can and then bring the new shoes home for him to wear.
I have to sneak changes of clothing when he is in the shower.
Oh and I still can't find the channel changer to the downstairs TV. My DH will say, "It wasn't me!"
Hang in there. Yes, all this does drive you nuts. I try telling these things to other people but they just don't get it. I know I am in a place where everyone understands.
if i leave the tv clicker, cell phone, or car keys anywhere in sight, he puts it down the front of his pants:) usually into the depend..i know:)) and i cant get it out - its a tug of war and i have to fight every finger to get him from holding the elastic at the waist to give it up..just like a kangaroo..i know hes got something in when hes rattling and walking..HA! divvi
It may be a little thing, but it sure drives me crazy: My DW just came out of the bathroom. I had asked her to go in and brush her teeth. When she came out I asked if she had brushed them and she said "No", and wanted to know why she should do it. I finally suggested that it would make her breath smell better when I kissed her, so she went back. I'll find out soon if she really brushed them this time.
LOL Divvi, maybe you should get him a Tim the Toolman Taylor toolbelt to put them in, that way you could grab them easier! <grin>
Asy, having been married 47 years, my husband and I could finish each other's sentences before AD. There was a period when I could easily figure out what he wanted or was talking about. I can't any longer. He gets frustrated with himself in trying to find the right words to help me understand what he is saying.
Polly, the remote control disappears and reappears every day. I don't know where he puts it, and neither does he, but later that day, it appears back on the table! (I think he accidentally finds it, and sometimes I think he sticks it in his pocket!)
Okay, we are early in this illness compared to others, I think...still doing the roller coaster ride a lot of days, but I am still getting the "maybe I am wrong and he is right" feeling when he logically tells me I am out of control and he is fine....when I KNOW that is nuts. Does this feeling stop? At times he is very logical and I am just ready to lose it, then he says or does something so incredibly off the wall that I am sure it isn't me, but...? How do all of you in the later stages manage to keep your sanity?Our once wonderful relationship is a pile of #*!*.Right now I don't feel we have anything left. I asked the other night about missing having a conversation, and he told me that obviously he didn't want to talk with me anymore! THEN, an hour later gave me a huge bodypress while I was fixing dinner. S###! What does one do?
kathi37, I think is does get a little easier when the bizarre stuff comes out of their mouth more often. It's not as hard as when they seem so "normal" a lot of the time. Slowly, you move from spouse towards caregiver. It's not the same relationship (or even with the same person). It's the stuff that got Joan started on this site-it's just different when it is your spouse. PatB
kathi, this is one of the reasons that the early days are so hard on the caregiver. You settle back and say to yourself, "This isn't so bad. I can do this." and the next thing you know something totally off the wall happens and you can't do this.
And for some reason all of them keep telling us WE are the crazy ones. I didn't get so much of that, but I got a lot of I was the incompetent one. One of the reasons some kind of support group is absolutely necessary is we need to hear someone tell us that WE are the normal ones and the reactions we have are just as typical as the crazy things they do.
I'm not only here, I'm also in therapy even though I'm pretty much under control these days. I needed a live person to tell me that some of the hard decisions I'm making well in advance of needing to actually do them are reasonable. I was dealing with a lot of guilt and anxiety. Both are way down just after two visits. You may need some of that too.
So today we had another one of those weird things happen. He pulled the "You can do [fill in the blank} stunt over my checking where the car was when he was putting the garage door down. You don't trust me! Well, duh... That stuff worked when I was desperate for help and he could help. Doesn't work anymore. Mad me madder than hell when it did work, now it is just funny. I'm not sure that he understands that those strategies do not work anymore.
It isn't just that I'm no longer desperate for his help. It is also that his help is meaningless. And I know that he hates that, but it is what it is.
My DH is currently fixated on our finances. OK, with the recent stock market stuff, that really isn't that unreasonable. His specific focus is the price of gas. This translates to yelling at me to slow down (save gas), consider a different lane (it is moving faster, less gas), etc. When we stop for gas, he still fills the tank (although I do watch carefully for confusion) but he is so easily frustrated by the usual stuff, like waiting for a pump, pumps that are slow, etc. If he has any problem, his answer is "move to another pump".
Our son is here now trying to get our sprinkling system working...Phd in Mech. engineering he SHOULD be able to make it work, right? Isn't looking too good right now. My DH made the entire thing so no one else knows anything about it. Never thought I'd ask for rain.
ALso, since my DH had his wee accident with his truck and a large sign, our son wants him to stop driving...I don't think we're there yet, but his wife is the Wellness Director at a Senior community and is very familiar with all of these things, and is encouraging it....day at a time.