Hi folks, I've been reading the AlzheimerSpouse site for a long time. For some reason today I feel compelled to enter some input of my own. I also have referred some of my support group friends to the site. They too have become fans...as we're all members of this club that we never wanted to join.
My husband was officially diagnosed in 2008, but as another caregiver mentioned she had seen signs that something was wrong a couple years (at least) before but hoped it wasn't anything other than "old age". Anyway I've traveled down the road that many of you are writing about and, as you know, it is a rough road. I experienced many of the difficult 24 hour days when I thought I would never survive. I too questioned myself, the care I was giving, my sanity, but I was doing the best I could do. It is not a one-person job. They say it takes a village to raise a child...well guess what, we can say the same about taking care of a spouse with AD.
He was placed in a nursing home in January and declined quickly in the three months before he passed in a sense I'm still in that mindset of a caregiver. I think I will eventually come out of it, but having dealt with being an AD caregiver while I watched my husband of 51 years dying from this horrible disease has changed who I am (or was). I am looking for that cliched, overused "new norm"...I suppose I will find it.
I have gotten so much support from reading Joan's blogs and the message board. I have laughed with them and sometimes cried with them, but always benefited from them. So hang in there girls (men too) and know that we did the best that we could even if it wasn't perfect.
ladyneedsluck, I am so sorry you lost your husband. I'm sure you certainly did the best you could. Thoughts for strength during this difficult time for you.
Thanks Emily and Vickie for your comments. I hold everyone's thoughts and prayers so dear to my heart. I wish you strength in dealing with your personal situations in this world that we all found ourselves.
ladyneedsluck, yes it is difficult to move on from the mindset of being a caregiver, and people take different routes and different lengths of time. I'll hold you in my prayers for this transition period.
so sorry to hear of your loss ladyneedsluck. its good to hear that you received support here even while only reading. its comforting to know others have the same needs as all of us who have to endure the sadness of losing our spouses to AD.
Dear Ladyneedsluck., I hope Lady Luck finds you at peace and in good health on this day. May I also invite you to add that well deserved star that will be in your heavenly crown one day... after your name... Ladyneedsluck* ...
Dear LNL - I too lost my husband to AD after 53 yrs of marriage, I understand how you feel. Nature programs us to survive, but it takes time. I'm sure you've heard the standard advice - join groups, take classes, volunteer, etc. It doesn't matter what it is, it only matters that you do it to meet new people and have new experiences if you don't already have people still active in your life. It can be very hard, but it's do-able. From the time we're born, 'new normals' occur in our lives all the time. The fact that you wrote means that you are moving on. I send you strength and confidence.
Thanks to all for your comments. It really helps to talk to people who have been there or are still experiencing the pain of dealing with a spouse with AD. I thank you all for your kind, loving and supportive comments.
Thanks Betty, I too am sorry for your loss. We both know that we lost them before we lost them...but the finality of their passing is still very difficult. We all know, my children, family and friends, that we didn't want him to suffer any longer than he did and there could be no other ending. I'm sure I am getting the same kinds of support that you did, probably still are (I don't know how long you have been widowed). But as with anything, we have to venture out there in our own good time and in our own way. I think I will know when I am ready to really try and find my life in my new world...the non AD world.
Many thanks to Joan for creating this wonderful website that has become so important and so helpful to so many.
LNL, I am so sorry for your loss, but I am glad you were able to get support from Joan's wonderful site while you were caregiving. I too hope for your healing.
Sincere condolences on your loss. I am glad that my site was able to provide you with support during your journey. When you are ready, please consider reading and contributing to the "Widows/Widowers" thread at the top of this page. It has been a source of support and comfort to many of our members who have lost spouses to this terrible disease.
How kind of you to take time to send your condolences. I so appreciate that you have. Yes, I plan to check into the widow/widowers thread soon. As I said I have taken time to come here and read your blogs, which are so wonderful, as we would all agree, but have never put my two cents in till now. I still don't know my way around in here or the "protocol" for entering messages, but I'm learning. I too hope to get something off to you by mail so you can continue doing what you do so well in presenting a forum for all of us, to come to, "feed" from, and go on with our challenges. God bless you and everyone who has "discovered" this place of understanding, fellowship and love.