My DH went with my MIL and my SIL, from Monday to Saturday. I was looking forward to some rest. I felt guilty when he just stood by the car when I dropped him off to go with them. I waited until the last minute to pack for him. He gets restless and unpacks his stuff if I don't. Then something always gets left out. I did talk to him about going for a few days before. He called me many times everyday. He said he missed me and did not like being away. He would say I do better with you. Then he was mad at them for helping him with his medicine. They called me to keep me up on how he was. I had discussed with them about how to handle situations. He would say he wasn't hungry. I told them to fix his meals and just tell him it was ready. He then sits down and says he is hungry. They usually have him once every 6 days for about 5 hours. They just stared accepting that he has a problem. I finally stared to sleep better about 2 nights before he came home. I feel bad because I feel like I need another break after he has been home for one week. I need that break. But really did not know what to do with myself. How do you relax when it is like leaving a child at camp? His sister was in tears when she discussed how he did. No one knows how stressful it is until they are with them or how bad they are until they are with them 24/7. We go to Washington DC in 14 days to meet our daughters future in laws. I am very nervous about this trip. I have not flown with him in 2 years. Last time was bad with all the crowds. He is a lot worse this time. He said he did not want to go. He needs to for our daughter. Say a prayer, I will really need a break after this!
I know breaks are needed. I will pray for your trip. The part of this whole thing is my husbands family mostly just does not get it. My mother in law who is 79 years old gets it. There are 2 sister that do not get it. One does. Friend across the street is my only help. Thank God for her. It is so hard to watch someone you love just disappear. I do hope all goes well on your trip. We all have to just hang in there.
It's too bad those people couldn't have come your way. I really think it's a bad idea to put your husband through that trip. You said that it was bad 2 years ago. Good luck.
it doesn't sound like your break was a break if they kept contacting you. i have a suggestion for your trip, my daughter and i took my husband on plane trip three years ago and we ordered a wheel chair for him as he can't walk very far. The wheel chair had an attendant to push it and help us get to the check-in which the wheel chair lline was separate and we got through checkin rather quickly without the hassle of waiting so long in the line. perhaps you could do that even if he is perfectly ok to walk but would get too tired, make up some excuse and convince him that he needs to do it. they also help with boarding if you need it and you get to board without all the rush. just a thought. hope all goes well, i know from experience how difficult it is.
I agree with Carolyn*. He has said that he doesn't want to go, and, besides, it would be difficult for you. IMO, your daughter's need is less. I'm sure she and her future in-laws would understand that your husband's health no longer permits his traveling.
I think taking your DH to an event he has already said he does not wish to attend will cause more trouble and stress for YOU. It is high time our children and in laws or future in laws start to get the picture.
I often try to get my hubby to go with his brother to see his other siblings..at the outset he says he will then changes his mind..Neither my brother in law nor I press the issue further. The last time my hubby decided not to go would have been the last time he could see his youngest brother..who died the following Tuesday..That was too bad but...and he did go to the funeral and did very well....extremely well and the social events following were concerning to me but in the end it went well...because HE wanted to go...
It appears you had NO break..how can you with daily "reports"...
Next time, maybe a respite facility would be a choice for your break...
My step daughter is coming out the 11th until Dec 4th..I am going to leave EVERYTHING up to her...I am doing what I want to for a change..not going on a trip but will do what I want and she can call me when diner is ready!!
Sorry, I wasn't much help I fear but I do feel your pain and frustration..so much so that I am on Valium now for anxiety and panic attacks.
Your break is probably a common experience. Suddenly left without caregiving we don't know what to do with ourselves. And then getting all of the calls makes it hard for you to rest. At least they understand his condition better, but if they can do this again instruct them to not call you with updates. I know one man who finally went on respite and told his son (who was taking care of his wife) to not call him, even if his wife died.
Whether or not you and your husband come to DC to see your future son-in-law's parents is up to you. It isn't up to us, or your daughter or her future in-laws. You can both go, you can put your husband in respite so you can go, or you can both go home. From what you write you both going is going to be too hard on him.
If you do go call the airline ahead of time and ask for medical assistance for your husband.
If it were me, I would arrange for MIL and SIL to come to your house and stay with your husband while you go to DC to meet your daughter's new family. Or is your daughter insistent? I worry she will be sorry.
i agree to leave him at his own house with mil/sil to care for him while you go meet the inlaws. it will be much worse if hes not cooperative and acts out and embarrasses your daughter and inlaws. they are very unpredictable as we well know especially out of their element and anxious. it makes sense to leave him behind if you already had a bad experience 2 yrs ago. things have progressed in that time. hope you enjoy the trip either way. divvi
The idea to have people care for him at home if you are on a trip,even if not this time, is a good one. Staying in the place most familiar to him should make him more comfortable. I realize that this might not be possible.
Does your daughter in DC understand his condition or is she in denial?
I have controlled my posting on this subject because you probably don't want to hear what I would have wanted to say....I can't control myself any longer. You probably wouldn't have posted about the trip unless you were wanting confirmation that you should go and take your husband even though he is very ill and doesn't want to go. You and you alone know how ill your husband is and you already know what you should do. And, I believe that you are very worried about making the trip and have many doubts about it. Make your decision based on the facts...not what you want to do....you won't go wrong that way...because I believe you already know the facts and they don't point to taking a trip with a husband that is ill, doesn't want to go and the last trip was terrible 2 years ago when he was in better health. Just the facts dear one...facts are a great factor when we have to make decisions based on our spouses with AD. Hope you can make your decsion and have no regrets either way and I am sending you big hugs now...because I know you are hurting.
I don't think that this trip would be good for your husband. Can family come and stay with him while you go? I do understand that you don't want to disappoint your daughter, but she should understand that her dad just can't do it. Can (or has she) explained to her future in-laws about her father's illness?
I really do understand how you feel about this, as our daughter was just married on October 6. We were invited to her future in-laws for a shower they were giving her but the trip would have been too difficult for him. Plus, he really wouldn't have understood what was happening. Our daughter explained her dad's illness to them and they were very understanding. We/I didn't meet any of her in-laws until the wedding rehearsal. And that was fine. My husband shook their hands and never interacted with them after that.