Yes, this situation is awful and your husband's refusal to admit he is impaired makes it harder. His attitude is not necessarily this anosognosia thing. It could just be denial or even just plain old ego/pride. (Even those who do acknowledge what's wrong with them eventually lose that ability as the disease impairs their understanding.) Whatever the reason for his refusal/inability to acknowledge his condition, it's up to you to figure out how best to get things done -- whether to confront him on this issue or just to ignore it and try to come up with practical solutions, as you have done with the doctor. (My own husband knew he had dementia but after awhile, I chose not to mention it, since it embarrassed him to be so dependent on me. In order to allow him to save face, I just made up excuses about why I was going with him everywhere. Sometimes I made it appear that he was helping me, rather than the other way around.)
There may be another reason to consult an elder law attorney again - to get advice on how to pay for your husband's care down the road. You don't necessarily need your husband for this, since all you are doing is getting advice and not signing anything, at least at this point. Since you live in Canada, your system of financing LTC or home care may be straightforward but for those of us in the U.S., financial planning is crucial since our system of dealing with this problem is, "Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost." In any event, I would suggest you educate yourself on the financial issues now, so you are not caught up short when the time comes. Our Canadian members would probably have some good advice on this subject.
I can't give better advice than divvi*, LFL and myrtle already have provided.
You said: "Every once in a while I remind him he has a memory problem but he just gets mad and tells me I am crazy." My husband had FTD and rage and anger were prominent with him. Confronting him guaranteed one thing- that he would react with at least confusion, but most often also with threats that I took seriously. I had myself and our companion animals to protect.
It sounds like your husband cannot and/or will not accept hearing that from you. I was almost continually amazed what my husband would accept from doctors. My take is that some of it was respect for them and for the setting. Later, I think, and this was confirmed by the neurologist who had been his "favorite" (and we had many); he just went elsewhere in his mind while she talked to him.
Regarding going with him to the appointment I would just say something like "oh, it's the beginning of the year and the doc just wants us both there to touch base regarding insurance, meds,"- whatever. This is just my opinion. To get through I lied, constantly and consistently.
nancylm, My sister-in-law just stopped by and she was talking about this very thing -- going with your spouse to appointments, etc. (Her husband has been diagnosed with dementia and still drives a locally but he has many very serious physical problems and many doctors' appointments and tests.) She believes it's pointless to remind him about his memory problems since he thinks he is fine and he just argues with her. She says that she just makes up excuses about why she has to go with him (as abby* suggested) but since he needs to be "in charge," she makes it sound like she needs him to help her. E.g., "I want to go with you because on the way back I need to stop at the hardware store and I need your advice on which item to buy." By the time the doctor's appointment is over, he has forgotten about the hardware store.
Nancylm, I agree with Abby and Myrtle, that confronting is useless and, in my experience, it was very painful for my DH and unproductive. He responded by feeling hurt, angry, scared and defeated. My goal was to take care of him, to make him feel safe, loved and secure so I chose to lie and make excuses to get what I wanted. My purpose was always to protect him. He no longer is able to reason or make sound judgements. It is for me to do that and protect him. Abby and Myrtle, very clever and creative excuses to go along to Dr's visits! Wish I'd had those in my arsenal!
Just don't get caught telling a lie. I did that once. When my husband was a young teenager, his older brothers went off to WWII and he was left to tend to the animals in the family's barn, which was probably too much responsibility and work for him. (His father was a businessman who worked in the city during the day and knew nothing about animals, so he was no help .)
One night last year, my husband got out of bed in the middle of the night and started getting dressed, saying that no one had fed the horses and they needed hay. When I could not convince him that the horses could wait until morning, I went into my liar's role, and said, "Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you. Your father hired a farm hand to feed the animals every night." He looked at me in a disgusted fashion and said, "You are either lying or you are losing your mind. Dad would NEVER pay anyone to help on the farm." The next day, I called his sister and she laughed out loud when she heard this story. She said my husband was absolutely right and that their father was much too cheap to get a hired man to help in the barn.
I guess the moral of this story is that when you start with the lies and excuses, stay with subjects you know about.