Today I got up, deciding to do something other than the usual, breakfast, showers, dressing and shaving him, and then watching my DH sit in his chair and watch TV all day, while I supply him with his breakfast, lunch, and any drink or snack he needs, making sure he gets whatever meds, and then focus on cleaning house, yard work, etc, etc. I have tried to get him up to walk at least around the house and yard, but that seems to be such a trial lately. He is unable to do small tasks that I had him do before. I sometimes get him to ride shotgun when I run to the store or pharmacy, but he is getting more difficult to convince to share in that big event. Today I took him with me to get the car serviced, something he also thought I was overlooking. (surprised he even thought of it). What a crazy event. We got the car there, but I could barely get him out of the car into the waiting room, where he was severely drooling, also with the nose running, and then needed to go to the bathroom, and totally became a new problem to deal with while we waited for my car service to be completed. How awful of an experience! The rest of the day he was so wired. Wanted me to start his own car up, and run it for awhile, which I did. He just wouldn't settle the rest of the day. When it came time to go to bed, he was full of questions, delays, etc. Seriously, I was just trying to change up his sitting in front of the TV, but my day was such a disaster. Needless to say, I think I'll just let him sit for awhile in front of that screen, and know that he is satisfied with his day. Funny that he really doesn't even look at the TV, but just listens to it. Guess I'll just let him do the same thing. I just feel like I'm not helping him any, but just letting him slip away. This is just such a horrible everyday existence. Guess I'm just needing to vent. Thanks for listening.
Oh goodness, janny, please don’t blame yourself for what is happening to your husband! You are doing your best, but we all have to remember that our best is not going to be able to defeat this disease – it is going to win. That does not mean that you have failed. As you provide a safe environment and continue to love your DH, you are a successful caregiver! Perhaps you could get some help to periodically watch DH so you can get a break from the stress...
Lloyd's days are spent pacing and touching and moving things. He does not sit and watch TV, but from time to time he will respond to something said on the TV. I find bath towels in the toilet, shoes in the sink and on the furniture, pictures taken off the walls and on the floor. Today we are taking the 10-yr. old grandson somewhere secluded and quiet to sketch. He is interested in art so we will give it a try. Then we will take big pieces of paper and do rubbings of gravestones of dead relatives. Then we will eat our egg salad sammiches and I will sneak him some Pepsi. I hope it is uneventful because his grandpa can be a real pi**** on a bad day. But Evan will enjoy any time away from his 4 little brothers and sisters. That's for sure. Janny, you are doing fine! At least you still try to get him out and about. That takes extreme bravery and from my own experience, sometimes bombs. You reach a point where the horrible reality of them slipping away just jumps up and slaps you in the face. Ya just gotta regroup and trudge on and realize none of us signed up for this. Yet here we are and it is what it is.
My thought is like Mary's. Sounds like the change in routine is too stimulating, so you'll both be happier without. If at all possible, could you start having someone in to sit with him a couple days a week to give you slightly broader horizons?
at some point, we realize the stress on us and them of trying to keep them occupied and entertained backfires and the need to just let them in their own comfort world is best. i agree get out yourself and try to find help to watch him instead of trying to change his routines. there is not alot we can do to change the course of this disease except keep them happy as they can be, clean, painfree, and comfortable. divvi
I completely agree with divvi. After awhile, I decided that before I did anything related to Sid, I first asked myself, "What will be easiest on ME?" If the answser is to let him sit and do nothing, then sit and do nothing it is. 3 days a week of Day Care and one day of dominoes with his Alzheimer buddies keeps him very occupied, so on days he wants to sit, I let him sit.
Is Day Care an option to give you a break? Or, as Emily suggested, someone to come into the house?
janny i understand! I was thinking of writing something the other day but it wasn't life-shattering I just continued on my way. Sometimes I wonder though if it isn't all these constant little demoralizing days and things that totally unhinge us in the end. The other day I actually got out for a few hours to have lunch with a neighbor...the lunch went on for three hours and when I got home I knew that I still had several errands to run, my dh still wants to go but I usu. don't take him because it adds at least 30 minutes to each trip plus there is dealing with the incontinence, etc... so but anyway I decided to take him and as we went down the driveway he started pointing out all the things that needed to be done. Oh look the trash bin is still out, we better put the rhino in the garage....etc. I was steaming at this point because this was the first day in weeks I had even taken a few moments out to visit with a friend and instead of being grateful for all that I do, he was pointing out all I need to do. I took a breath and said "Why are you pointing every thing that I need to do...." he paused and said "I will help" .... I almost choked and mumbled that that will be the day....but even though I was angry I also knew KNEW that he truly cannot help and does not even realize he can't, doesn't, and won't ever help again.
janny, we are all "fixers", but this disease cannot be fixed. There is nothing that you can do or not do to control this disease. If he is content to sit and watch the tube, then let him. I am so sorry that your day turned out the way it did. And never apologize to venting on this website. that is what we are all here for!!! Hugs.
Thanks so much for all of your thoughtful comments. Kinda like you grendelsma2, I kept checking the board for the next shared story, but nothing here for hours. The ones that were here were so tragic or seriously troublesome, that I didn't think of just a silly venting would be appropriate. Then I remembered how comforting hearing the same sort of things from others out there were somehow comforting, just knowing I wasn't alone in this. So vent I did. All of your comments were just that, comforting. Thanks so. I do have a person that comes every Thursday for three hours to give me a break to have lunch or run errands. I am talking with him today to find out about getting more time. I do so need a break, and just forget to think about me. JoanG got it right when she reminded me that we are important too, and a necessary part of the process working. Taking care of ourselves is our own responsibility, one we need to prioritize. Anyway, back to my roller coaster seat, and my best to all of you.
janny, I am very glad you did put down your thoughts. I was just this week wondering if I should get DH out more. I feel it is easier for me to just keep him at home. And I feel bad doing that. Then you brought me back to my reality. They are not like other people and really do like to stay home where they know they are safe. I do take Dh out to run short trips and we do family shopping after church on Sunday. But that is about it. And it is all he needs right now.
Always feel free to vent, we are here and most likely feeling much like you.
To Quote JoanG's Blog 8/20 Isolation. "I am the sole cause of my own isolation, and I question if it is totally negative." " ...I am wondering if my isolation is a negative in this situation. It does not seem so to me. "
Not much different here. A new car with 4 doors has proven to be a disaster. I spend my life feeling like I'm driving Ms Daisy. DW just has an adversion to getting in the fornt seat. A four door car alway meant we were going out with friends and I got in the front seat and she in rear with the drivers wife. I can't change that thought process. Finally a solution, I had the dealer reprogram the key so that only the front doors unlock with the remote control.
We are year round Florida residents and this time of year the snowbird begin to return from their Northern home and more and more are alighting back here each day. I've been (or we have) getting invited to lunch or dinner nearly every day just to catch up with these accquaintence. I now decline all invites. I've given up on going out to dine with DW. Due to Sundowning, she just can't sit still, a typical evening will require 5 trips to the ladies room (no she doesn't have a UTI) or she will take her sweater on and off about once every two to three minutes, driving those at the table and seated behind her insane. (The AC is so cold in Fl. restraurants, and MD's offices a sweater is a mandatory accessory. She's also prone to just standing up quickly and darting away and will just roam the restraurant if she were permitted to. I
Nora: note the dangling. "I" near the bottom of my post. it was to have read... I still love to cook and I invite Alzheimer's friends over for dinner frequently. Menu for friends, for more than 30 yrs, Friday nite includes sauerbraten which has been marinating 2days, red cabbage & spaetzlie (friend's wife immigrated from Germany in her teens)
Too windy for wave watching. Earlier we went to the beach thinking of wave watching picture taking. DW said Home, take me home..she had common sense, we were getting sand blasted!