My husband of 20 years (15 years my sr.) as recently been visiting porn and single sites for hours on end. He now has taking up beeing gone for hours up 6 at a time (he still drives). He has dementia and a Left frontal temporal lobe injury but still drives. 7 years ago he moved out of our bedroom and locks the door and has little to nothing to do with me. I am so lonely and hurt as I so still, but last night after he returned I told him how deeply hurt I am at his behavior. He said he "did love me" and he could care less if I did the same thing. Should I stick this out...it's killing me! I have no life...and no future with this hateful person.

lonely, as you know from another post I have been where you are. What is his specific diagnosis? That's important because the drugs used for Alzheimers may not help but hurt (make more aggressive) someone who has FTD. If you have been given a general, non-specific diagnosis try to get a more specific one from a neurologist familiar with different dementias or a geri-psychiatrist or a memory clinic. That should help with getting your spouse the right medication regimen and hopefully will handle many of the symptoms you're living with.

I would say he probably shouldn't be driving at this stage-maybe a doctor could tell him he can't drive and report him to Motor vehicle? You absolutely do NOT want to be the one to suggest he can't drive or take the keys away because he will direct his anger and frustration towards you and you absolutely need to be safe.

This is a terrible stage and difficult to deal with for you. Please keep tabs on your credit cards and joint accounts or anywhere he can get money to pay for his porn indulgences. My husband ran up bills on all his credit cards which he couldn't pay, gave one internet porn company his checking account # which they depleted. It ruined our credit, resulted in cancellation of long held cards and I ended up being responsible to pay the bills. You need to make sure you are safe first and he's not going to brankrupt you and him. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Only you can decide if you want to stick it out. I would advise you consult with a divorce attorney to see what your options are-it will help you make a better decision and understand the consequences. In my case because DH had a dx of dementia, I was advised that the court would appoint an attorney to represent him and because we live in a community property state our assets would be combined and divided equally. Since I had more assets than DH it meant I would lose a lot of money. It also meant that I would not be able to care for DH. So, since I still loved him I decided to stay (against the advice of everyone who loved me) and was committed to getting him the best medical care I could. It was not an easy journey-2 involuntary psychiatric hospitalizations but ended up okay once he was on the right meds.

I would also suggest you see an elder law attorney to undersatnd how to protect your assets going forward should you decide to stay. I stayed and although it has its challenges I am glad I did. I still loved him and once the monster was tamed he because easier to live with. It's not perfect and sometimes he's a vampire or a wereolf (see previous thread) but overall I am glad I stayed.
You need to do what's right for you. Good luck.

lonely, I am still where you are. I am very lonely too. My husband is 19 years older that I am and as far as I can tell, long before he needed to he just quit caring about me and THEN he got dementia/Alzheimer's so of course it is a lot worse. For a while there I thought he was having an affair because he was taking a lot of showers and spending more time outside. He doesn't drive anymore but we live in an apartment complex with a lot of female neighbors close by that are closer to his age. I know how you feel though, I have said the same things that you are saying and there is nothing I can do about it because I don't believe in divorce. I just have to wait it out.

lonely, I am 8 years younger than my DH. My DH quit caring about me years before his DX. I am now sure it was his AD that caused it. So many signs now that I look back. He did not become interested in sex anywhere else. Just stopped caring altogether. He even told me once, two years before the DX that it was my fault. I caused him to much stress. The brain is very complicated and who knows what wires get crossed. Just know that you are not alone.
Hugs

Lonely - You are rightfully upset and hurt about your husband's porn, but that's not significant, you have a much more serious problem. You say, openly, that your husband has dementia and drives! That's your real problem. Do you understand what dementia is? It's not like saying he has the flu & drives. LFL above has mentioned how bad things could be if he's in an accident -- his fault or not. Please go to Joan's blog page & read about driving & dementia in the left-hand column. I am being harsh because this is so serious, not because I want to hurt you further, I want to protect both you and your husband. You said your family is helping - show all of this to them, you'll need all the help you can get.

No one wants to hear they are not loved, to know their husband is looking at other women, etc. Part of this is his illness, you can only do so much to control it, try not to dwell on it, instead work on getting him to stop driving. I do not say this lightly, I can feel your fear & anguish, but if dementia is in his medical records you could have real problems. Please read Joan's comments.

If someone has a dementia dx the insurance company needs to be told ASAP. Sometimes they say they will no longer cover the person, other times they will (I think it depends on the company and state or country). If they say they will get it on paper. You don't want to find out after an accident that you aren't covered.