DH has been going to our local ALZ Respite Center 2-3 half day per week since July. He has never been really happy about it, but he would go. Several times in the last few weeks when I pick him up they say he wouldn't eat lunch. Last Thurs. when I picked him up, when he saw me he said in a very loud voice, "Let's get out of this place now!" He told me in the car that he wouldn't be going back because they told him they didn't need him anymore and fired him! I called them, they didn't know why he was so upset all morning, thought it was a new male patient maybe and DH didn't get the normal amount of attention. Not sure about that. Today when I went in, he was waiting for me at the door, had not eaten lunch, said he would not be back. I called when I got home and they said he has been getting upset when they have the devotional/Bible readings. Frankly, when I first took him, I was surprised they did this - but then, again, we live in the Bible belt in KY. I really didn't think they could do this with government funding. Anyway, they have no real activities during the mornings, which is when he goes. 9-10: they discuss current events; 10-11: devotionals; 11:30 lunch and I pick him up at 12:00.
This just isn't working since he's all upset when I pick him up and it takes another Lorazapam when we get home to calm him down.
Vickie-what would he be doing if he was at home Are there other day care centers nearby Do you use the time that DH is away for yourself-to regroup or get stuff done What would you be doing if DH was at home
Activitie are very lame. Sandi*, afternoons are not good for him to be out. Sundowning starts around 2 -and goes until bedtime -or after. LOL
bluedaze*, I answered your questions above - but my answer disappeared! If home, he would be vacuuming for me, loading/unloading dishwasher; playing games on his computer; crossword puzzles; I take him with me to grocery store, Walmart/Lowes; I push him in their wheelchair, or if it's a good day for him, he can drive the elec. cart. We go out to lunch several times a week; breakfast on Sun. mornings; No other DC in this area. I go in to work for 1-2 hours after dropping him off, then take the rest of the time for Me. I also work for my office at home - which I do in the afternoons or evenings. Fortunately, we have a big house and he stays downstairs all day util bedtime; and I can come upstairs and work, read, clean, whatever. He's ok with that. I don't have to be right there with him. But I can't leave him alone anymore when I'm gone, like I could 3 months ago.
Could he pack his lunch and take it with him? My dh has to have peanut butter/ jelly and strawberry ensure every day. He likes his routine. Would hiring someone to sit with him? Taking him out of his environment might be more threatening to him, especially if he is not enjoying the activities there.
vickie i was thinking too maybe find someone to sit with him and entertain him while you get out now. the daycare may have run its worthiness. at least until hes farther along and less aware. sounds like you do a good job of keeping him occupied. :) divvi
My husband doesn't even want to go to the Support Group 1/month because they split up the caregivers and spouses. He's always been a loner and a bit to a lot arrogant. I've been told that he does settle-in during the sessions and has entered in better lately, but in truth, he doesn't want to go so I leave him home.
Face it, we are now our spouses parents and they are the little ones who can't stand it to be without mama. This is the part that I have the most trouble with because it shrinks my world along with his. I have been fairly successful being more independent in the past; but, since my illness last month, he's clingier than ever. I hate this!
Divvi, it sounds like you would probably be ok with him staying home since he so dislikes the DC? How will you manage getting out for yourself if he's always there and you can't leave him alone, he doesn't sound like he'd accept a caregiver, either??
mothert i think you meant vickie?? ha. i have caregivers! i didnt accept a no on that one. once i couldnt leave him alone we hired an agency 5yrs ago and been going that route ever since even now in late stage 7 my same caregiver comes during the week so i get time out to get stuff done. its not always easy to get them to accept someone in home but i said very sternly if i dont hire someone, it will be no other choice but nursing home. so we got the agency for inhome. it worked thankk goodness! we just need to keep insisting as its good for us too to have some respite.
Thanks, divvi, I'm looking into bringing someone in sit with him while I'm gone. Problem is $$$. Daycare I can afford, in-home help will be almost impossible, with their hourly minimums and rates. Have a call in to my homeowners insurance agent to see if I'm covered in case someone (not from an agency) should hurt themselves while with him.
I didn't think he was ready for DC, but when he agreed to volunteer - then work there - I gave it a try. Everyone there is much further along than he is too.
Vickie: You might want to try finding someone that could clean your house once every week or two. That is how it worked for my dh. After he got use to her (at first had her every other week) then I would go do my shopping or whatever when she was there and after he really started to like her I had her every week. He thought she was there just to clean but it was also for just keeping an eye on him and making sure he ate his breakfast and maybe even the lunch I left for him in the refig. One morning a week doesn't sound like much but it was better then nothing when i had to take him every place I went...and never any time alone.
I know, marilyninMD. But I'm talking about a friend who might just come to visit him while I'm gone - not paying them anything. It would be just like any other friend dropping by to see us - I think!
I don't want to get into hiring an individual NOT through an agency, even for house cleaning. Too much liability for me to be comfortable with.
I do have to say that I am more than surprised at the lack of appropriate activities at a place that is supposed to be Alzheimer specific. Who runs it? Is the staff Alzheimer trained and certified? And no, if it's a government funded certified Alzheimer program, I wouldn't think Bible readings would be part of the program, as not everyone who has Alzheimer's is of the same religion.
At Sid's Day Care, they are kept busy all day, targeting every part of the brain - music, language games, chair exercises (twice a day), physical games (horseshoes, bean bag toss, etc.), geography games, socialization. By the time Sid comes home, he's wiped out for the day, but he loves going.
Medicaid is paying for Sid's DC, but private pay is $60 a day. Since you are paying for DC, couldn't you take that money and pay for an aide to come in to your house a few days a week so you can get out?
Through word of mouth, you may be able to get someone to come in who does not work for an agency, but works for themselves and is bonded. The woman who took care of me after my surgery charged $15 an hour. She was a CNA and NA. There are plenty of those people around here, but I live in Florida, the old folks capital of the US, so private aide services are in high demand.
Thannks, Joan.Yes, the staff is ALZ trained and certified. I only have to pay $5.25 per hour and I only leave him 3 hours usually 2-3 times per week. The agencies here charge around $18 per hour for just an aid, who will just come and sit with him. And their minimum is 3-4 hours.
And..I live in KY....too many people suing others, I just don't want to get in that position by having someone not with an agency.
Since it's the only DC here for ALZ patients, I don't want to stir up trouble for them. They do a service for some who have to be there - just not DH. I'm going to stay tomorrow and observe what goes on- without him seeing me.
If you have homeowners insurance that should pay for any accident on your property. Of course, you know what is best for both you and your dh and what can and cannot be tolerated. For me the hardest part was the two years when I had little to no time for myself to leave and go "girl" shopping and just take my time without my dh just sitting there in a store watching me shop. I always felt like I had to hurry.
I just called my insurance agent about worker's compensation insurance for our caregiver. Our property insurance will cover only $5,000 in medical damages and the caregiver doesn't have insurance. So now I am looking for worker's comp insurance policy. Unfortunately the insurance company I use for everything doesn't offer that type of policy.
When hiring someone I looked whether I had to hire this person as an employee, since I was not using an agency, and the answer seems to be yes. So you also have to pay state and federal unemployment insurance (you pay federal when you pay your own income taxes, it is simple, I found state to be much more difficult to set up) and you need to pay the employer and employee portion of their SSI and Medicare taxes, and then issue W-2s at tax time. Some people pay the employee's share of the SSI and Medicare taxes, I deduct that from their wages. So you need to keep track of everything.
Some people just pay help under the table (my state encourages this by making you go through the same steps as a small business to pay the unemployment taxes). But then you can't deduct the pay as a medical expense (my accountant says this is legitimate for me) and I am not sure if I want to trust someone with my wife if they evade income tax. And if you get caught later you will pay a penalty for evading the nanny tax.
paulc, I just talked to my agent, too. My homeowners will cover 'friends' or anyone who comes to sit with him, if I'm not paying them. In fact, it will also cover them if I am paying them as an employee or even as contract employee. I don't want to get into that unless I have to, because of all the taxes, ss, etc. involved. Workers Comp in my state is a mess and difficult to get -if you can get it at all and it's very expensive.
Well...will see what happens tomorow when I take him back.
I'm not sure about where you are, but in Florida when I hired someone in my business I required them to get their own business license. That way they were self employed. Here if they have their own business license and are available to work for others you were not required to pay state and federal unemployment insurance, worker's compensation insurance or pay the employer and employee portion of their SSI and Medicare taxes and didn't have to issue W-2s. All I had to do was claim the expense when I did my taxes.
Make sure you check it out with state you live in because it has been a while since I did this.
We have homeowners and an umbrella policy both of which will over some expenses if our aide gets hurt on the job. But since we use an agency for hiring the aide, they carry workers omp for him but it is only applicable if he gets injured while aring for DH. Our homeowners policy has provisions to have a workers omp rider to cover any in home workers.
He has done very well the last couple of times I've taken him. Maybe just a very bad day for him - don't know, but will keep taking him as long as he will go. Thanks for all the input. I can't change the way they do activities at this DC; they provide the only service available in this area, and most others seem to be very happy there. So....we shall see.