I watched a movie tonight that had the scripture: --------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (that is us)
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
But what I would say is without Hope there can be no love. We are all enduring, hope that we will make this journey and have the love to be patient and strength to help our loved ones make it to the end feeling love and safety.
Hope is what keeps us alive and going, hope for a better day, hope for no more suffering, hope someone might call your dh today. Hope that today is a good day. We find something to smile and better yet laugh about. Hope is hugging your friends who might be struggling with much more than you are today. Reach out and offer them hope and love will come back to you.
This whole process will have been a learning one. And the faith, hope, and love a huge part of getting through it. One leads to the other and on and on it goes. Oh , if we only had the foresight we have in hindsight! But it's not too late. And it helps to have had these gifts when the going gets tough! And the going gets tough for all of us. More so at certain times. It helped reading about Job, who when Satan kept tempting him to curse God , continued to have faith. Hard to do! But I certainly don't believe God gave us the burden to punish us. And I give thanks for the endurance to be able to have come this far. and it continues to amaze me that my love doesn't deminish but increase for this helpless man. I
Coco, I am glad that you aren't angry at God. And probably my message came through as preachy. If there's' anything I know, it's not to shove religion down people's throats. I feel that I know you a little bit, and want you to have another source of comfort. And lots of people feel suffering as punishment.
It is my policy (see Message Board Guidelines above) not to host religious discussions on this board. All are welcome here regardless of religion or no religion. Well meaning though they probably are, religious discussions often come across in writing as offending someone, who is of a different religion that the person writing, or believes differently than the person writing. Whenever this happens, I receive e-mails from members who are offended, and ask that I remove the religious postings. Then the person who wrote the religious message gets offended. So I respectfully request that we refrain from discussing scripture and our own religious beliefs. A simple – “I’m praying for you” is sufficient. Thank you for your understanding.
midwestmn I did not take your posts as preachy at all., in fact very uplifting. Truthfully, I wish I could lean on God more, like I used to. I certainly have not given up.
I agree - without hope that we can make it through and have a life after, there would be no energy to go on day after day. There are many definitions for hope, but it boils down for us, at least, to hope to make it through doing the best we can for our spouse and hope for a life after dementia.
There no hope here for any thing good to come to my DW. As to the love, its burried beneath all of this. It (the love) seems more like service and honoring vows at this point. Personally acknowledging the love would only trip me up now. Late stage 6/early stage 7. Nothing to look forward to except cooked up concoctions of my own making. What little religion was in me is gone. A few friends with multiple tragic losses one after another. My father became lost in it, so much so he forgot his family. I'm sorry I just can't find the wonderment and hope in belief. To know my DW and see her incredible mind now forever locked , all that wisdom, kindness, thoughtfullness, and desire to live life now permanetly hidden away for eternity is to big for me to contemplate. I'm glad fore those that have a belief system, it must help. Without it I find myself just more alone. I wish you all strength to do what you must.
soolow...first, my heart goes out to you...Hugs and more hugs. I know this is so hard, but maybe if you try and think about the good things (and I use "good" loosely) about having this horrible condition you will find a way to work through this with less sorrow. I would look at my dh husband those last few months and maybe even for a year as he went from stage 6 so fast to stage 7. Pain was not part of his condition which was good. He didn't know how sick he was and that was good also. He didn't even know he was going to pass away within months and that too was good. He didn't miss anyone he loved because he couldn't remember who he loved besides me. All of us will come to the end of life, because it is part of life. But, I was so thankful that he never realized that was what was happening. He was in his own little-limited world and didn't seem to have a care in the world as long as I was there to take care of him. Your dw is probably in that same world and be glad there is little or no pain for her and she probably doesn't even remember what "living" was like.
Again, so sorry that you have to be so burdened with his condition.
JudithKB: So very nice of you to reply. There are no good things in this journey only that it has strengthened me and that was not necessary. My sorrow is a baseline in my life now. I know one day when all is done, time will blunt the edge. I get through my days by not thinking about all the painful things. No-thought is my way of managing this. The only merciful thing is that my DW is completely unaware of her condition. I can't see that as a positive, it is only what it is. I agree with you as we both are thankful that our spouses are not terrified or even aware. That is a blessing from the bottom. I often wonder what goes on in her thoughts. She smiles a lot so in some way it must be pleasing. I'm getting along and will continue to. I've learned to live with hopelessness and sadness. It's just the landscape of our life now. There will be a life for me after this. I and you and others will get along, there will just be that hole in our hearts for those we've lost and those here on Joan's forum that are experiencing the same.