I got upset with him today and he went bolistic and threw me out of his room by punching me in the back and arm and then when I got to the door way he threw me into the wall and I hit the floor and he just went into his bedroom like it never happened. What do I do? I wanted to call the police because he was totally out of control but it only lasted half a minute and then acted just fine from then on. I am trying to get him in a NH but the dr. won't approve it for some reason. I hurt and he doesn't even care. I have not eaten all day today because my stomach is so tied up in knots that I can't take this anymore. Am I going to get out of this in one piece?
deb42657.my prayers go out to you,I know how your stomach must feel,what a predicament you are in.Is NH covered by insurance or will be private pay?Our locak NH told me thet will take resident wilout Dr. approval if you are private pay.
I have always said if my DH ever ever ever hits me, I am calling the police to get him in hospital for an eval....
I think, since you didn't this time, if he does this again do call the police and let them deal with getting him to hospital for observation, maybe med adjustments but you cannot allow him to hit you no matter how nice he seems later..
He is not who he used to be...not his fault...but dangerous now to you.
Thank you yjourniey, I am going to need it. The VA dr. is the one that will have to approve it. We have an appt. on the 24th of Oct. and I am going to tell him what happened today and I hope that gets me some help because I don't care how sick he is I AM NOT GOING TO LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN without the police picking him up. I don't really care what they do with him after that. I wish I had the money to pay full price for his NH then I wouldn't be treated this way because money talks... Mimi, I wish I would have called the police but I was afraid that they would blame me, and not do anything. I am not getting any professional help here and it seems like everyone thinks that I am to blame for everything. I agree with you that he is dangerous to me now because he has gotten a taste of what it is like to push me around and get away with it. I need him out of my apartment so that I can live through this.
deb so sorry it happened but we see it here all the time. call his dr or email today. dont wait til appt. tell him what happened and say you are fearful for your life and he is a danger to himself as well. seems these are magic words. he should be placed in a psyche unit for medications adjustment asap even if it takes a 911 call to get that warranted. if you can have him alone in an area where you can close him off with little interaction till you hear back from dr. i hope you get some help. we must address these physical issues as soon as possible. they can escalate so easily - best of luck friend divvi
deb, I agree with divvi-call the dr TODAY, tell him what happened and say what divvi told you to about fearing for your life and he being a danger to himself. I am so sorry you had to go through this horrible experience. Please call 911 next time. As paulc said in another thread when you call 911 you can have them take him to the hospital or have him arrested. What I would do (and have done) is call the local police and sheriff's depts and tell them you have a husband with dementia who has been violent and make sure they keep the information on record so if you ever do call 911 they will know the situation and not only beieve you but will take him to a hospital.
deb42657 I posted this on the wrong thread so I deleted it there. I wrote it for you & wanted you to see it too.
I'm assuming you read the thread I started about my DH's aggression & trip to the hospital. That wasn't the first time he was aggressive towards me, but it was the first time that he didn't calm down. The first time the police came the week before he willingly got in the patrol car for the ride to the ER. On Wednesday he didn't. I don't know if this is true, but I believe in our case the aggression was only going to get worse. I know that other people here have had their LO's meds adjusted so that they have become compliant & they are able to stay home. I REALLY wanted to keep him home longer & part of that was for financial reasons. BUT in the long run I am burning out. I am so blessed to have 4 children & many friends who see that & have encouraged me to place him. I thought about getting in house help, but I know that wouldn't work with him. Someone here made the statement that “we have a toolbox of things to help us & placement is one of those tools” (I looked for the quote, but couldn't find it, who wrote that?) What a wonderful way to look at placement. I also agree with the thought that we devote so much time taking care of our LO's that we don't take care of ourselves. You need to take care of YOU! (((HUGS)))
This is terrible and alert the doctor ASAP about it. Might not want to ask "why do you think he shouldn't be in a NH" because the answer might be he is too violent.
Find out the laws in your state for 911. Does your husband have a dementia dx? If not, the police might not be able to take him to the hospital without his cooperation (been there, done that). Or they might need permission from a social worker to take him against his will (also been there).
You should also alert the police of his condition now. It could save a lot of trouble and heartache if they come in knowing it is a health matter and not a criminal matter beforehand. Could help avoid extreme measures, though police will still use force if they believe it is necessary to have control over the situation.
Deb, Lloyd gets aggressive like that from time to time. God may strike me dead, but I give it back. I don't beat the hell out of him or anything, but if he hits me, I smack him back just hard enough to shock him and not hurt him. Of course, Lloyd now weighs 118 and I weigh 150 so I have more weight to throw around. I love him with all my heart and will take care of him forever, but I will not take abuse!!! Spent 19 years with the first husband who was abusive. Not going a second round for any reason. Lloyd always backs down. I always tell him if he wants to be mean, we can both be mean. Of course, I may just be crazy. The first husband outweighed me by 100 lbs. and I reached a point when I wouldn't take it anymore. He was a VietNam combat vet and I was crazy (in retrospect). Before I got involved with Lloyd, I told him I had 3 rules: no hitting, no lying, and no cheating. He honored them all until he got really far along with AD. I guess I am just enforcing what I said ...probably with a man who doesn't know what the hell I am doing!
Linda, I am glad that works for you, but in other cases will just enrage the other. In you case I suspect that Lloyd is shocked back and it might make him realize what he is doing. Wild speculation on my part.
Linda, I am so glad it works for you and others here. When he threatens me and I threaten back he gets this mean look in his face/eyes and is ready to kill me. I've gained 50 lbs since caregiving and he 30 lbs but he still outweighs me and is very strong. No challenge here-I'll be dead.
Deb, in a quiet moment, early in the morning maybe, call your local police department and let them know that he has been diagnosed with dementia, who his doctor is, etc. And that he has been getting aggressive. Tell them you want them to make note of it so that if it happens again they won't think you are making things up or that it's your fault. And then if he does it again, call them. As others have said, always know an escape route. Yes, he might bang up the house, but get OUT. Plan ahead. Neighbor who might help? Cell phone kept with you all the time? A lot of times it appears that a "psych adjustment" will let you keep him at home for a while.
If you are worried about the cost of placing him in a nursing home, PLEASE find an ELDERCARE LAWYER and talk to them about how to protect yourself. Do NOT trust family or friends to know what your options with money are. Do NOT trust an estate lawyer or your uncle Joe to know what your options are.
Deb - if there are bruirses take pictures if you can. Show them to the doctor. I would also try contacting the VA social worker. If you get no help there, contact your local VFW and tell them he needs placement and the doctor is not cooperating.
I don't know, paulc, but it works for now. I don't like being in a position where I have to hold my own, but I can do it. My grandson Sebastian used to intercede, but he joined the Navy and left in May. His brother Alex is a senior and works and spends weekends with his college girlfriend. He will be going to college next year. So it will be me and my daughter here with Lloyd. My son lives close and I have 3 older grandsons nearby and the next door neighbor is like a son to me...tells me to call him day or night if I need him. Sebastian's best friend goes to college and works in a nursing home and spends a lot of his spare time here. He will stay with Grandpa so I can get out. And my granddaughter is here a lot, too. Maggie is almost 20 and she is a lot like me and will take no crap. I will manage. I just wish truly that there was an end in sight.
divvi, thank you so much for that information about what to tell the dr. I was going to have to wait until Monday to call(every bad thing happens on the weekend) and those are very good suggestions. I can not seem to get him to take me seriously, in fact the last time we saw him I even told the social worker that he was talking about suicide and the dr. did nothing. He didn't believe me I guess.
paulc, I wish to anything that I would have called 911 but I was in such shock(even though I knew that it could happen at any time) that I didn't think fast enough. I have already called the police several months ago to tell them about him because the Alzheimer's Association told me to do that and I did but they said they didn't know what they were suppose to do with the information so I taught them what to do. So I will call them again and let them know that things have escalated since last I called and let them know if I call again he needs to be taken to the ER.
briegull, I have been concerned about the money, do you think the lawyer would want a fee? Thank you so much for being there for me today. All of you are just great. I had my girlfriend just a few minutes ago take pictures of all the bruises and there are more bruises in the making behind my ear and my head. He used his fist on my neck and back and through me into the wall so I have bruises on both sides.
Eldercare lawyers are expensive but this is a specialized area and they need to keep up with bangers to the law. Initial meetings are often free. When you call the police tell them you want them to be aware of the situation in case you call 911 and that your husband won't be reasonable but should not be tasered. And call your local social services for the as,e reason.
Linda,
My message was more directed at others than at you. What you are doing works for you now. Tough it worries me now that it might not work in the future. But he might also calm down in the future.
"but it only lasted half a minute and then acted just fine from then on"
Lynn broke my ankle in less time than that.
This still is so difficult for me to talk about. And what makes it worse is the ignorant and insensitive statements like “oh I hear Alzheimer’s brings out the true personality” Or “it escalates their true behaviors” What a load of crap!! Lynn was as gentle as a lamb. He helped every animal and person in need he ever came across. He had the gentlest soul I have ever known. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would strike me….
Deb, I never called 911 and I can’t say looking back that I would have either. The very last thing I wanted for Lynn was to be put in our Geri psyche unit. It is the place nightmares are made of…. But that isn’t to say they are all like that. But ours was and it just wasn’t an option for me.
What I would have done differently was to find a better doctor than his VA doctor. He was awful and caused more harm than anything. When I told him Lynn was hitting me he told me it was part of the disease and I would have to learn to live with it. NOW I would never take that crap.
When my Neurologist found out Lynn was hitting me he said he would see Lynn, for free. Once he was put on Seroquel the behaviors got better. He understood that his poor brain was being destroyed and he needed medicine to try to help relieve the symptoms he was experiencing.
Even with medication he still escalated to the point where it was not only unsafe for me, but for him. Odd how I wouldn’t place him because of him hitting me, but when he was a danger to himself, I did.
We are all just as different as our spouses. We will each try in our way to handle a crisis like this. What works for one, wont for another. But you have to do something Deb, it can get out of hand very quickly…..
Why wont the doctor approve the nursing home? Ask him what his reason are. If they aren’t good enough reasons, request another doctor!
I was talking this weekend with a friend who is an expert in domestic violence, specificially about violence and dementia. He said it is helpful to distinguish three levels: 1. hitting with an open hand, which is more defensive 2. punching 3. hitting with an object or throwing an object at the spouse
He said when it gets to 3 the spouse is in danger of their life, but that 2 also needs to be taken very seriously. Level 1 (but only level 1) can be addressed by finding ways to behave around the person that will not trigger them.
Nikki, that is very true, every case is different and the way everyone handles it will be a little different. I wish I had called 911 right away because I just found out from a social worker that my husband IS NOT VA SERVICE CONSIDERED, which means he was not in the military long enough to qualify for the NH. Now the only choice I have is to get the police envolved so that the state of NM will take him away and PUT him in a NH.
pamsc, he punched me over and over again on my back and head until I was out of his room and then he threw me against the wall and I hit the floor. So I think that is level 2. If level 2 is to be taken very seriously why did he say that only level 1 can be addressed by finding ways to bahave around the person that will not trigger them, did he mention that?
Deb42657, The next time this happens if there is a next time you may want to consider simply not answering the door. I doubt they will just leave him on the door step. They will have to make a decision and they would be responsible for whatever happens as a result of their decision.
I know this would be a very hard thing to do but it may force them to place him at least temporarily and give you a little more time to recover from the stress. Plus once they do place him it may be easier for you to move thing along faster for a permanent placement.
Sorry, I wasn't very clear. What he was saying is that level 1 (open hand) might be able to be managed by reducing triggers. Level 2 (punching) requires more serious help, such as a hospital stay for a meds adjustment. Level 3 (hitting with an object or throwing an object at the person) is an immediate emergency.
Nikki said what I was going to write., ... you said "it only lasted a minute and a half"... OMG. It takes less time than that to break your neck or shove you so hard in to the floor you die of a brain injury. None of us want to get our LO's in trouble with the law... but more than that, we don't want to be the victim ... of his aggression. Think about it. IF he were to kill you, what would happen to him. He'd be put "somewhere".. he wouldn't be left alone at home. I'm just so sorry, bless your heart... I wish I could help you. Your letter was a plea for help, and I can only pray that it comes your way, sooner rather than later.
a light open handed hit may not warrant much input -but an open handed hard slap to the face is just that. and can break noses and jaws. for me any hitting that hurts or scares the caregiver is time for evalulation and or internment in a facility for med adjustments. we are the ones living the horror and we have to protect ourselves from the aggression that can come with this disease.
Very true Divvi. Deb, I am sorry to hear about the VA. Lynn does qualify for all VA services, but I found the care better elsewhere. Do you have a social worker, a case manager? If not maybe you could look into the services available in your area. (not just with the VA) Does he qualify for Medicaid? They can be helpful about placement when the time comes. Were you able to get in touch with the doctor today?
I have been hoping for over a year now that I could get him in a VA NH and it was disappointing but with the way my luck is going I am not surprised. I just can't seem to cut a break. He is not on Medicaid. He was talked out of getting it when he could have and now we can't because he makes too much money. Too much money. What a ridiculas qualification! What about Adult Protective Services? That was suggested to me a few hours ago. The police were asked to come by for a welfare check by the social worker but I don't know if they are going to actually do it.
Nikki, thanks for clearing that up because I don't think I would be able to survive another episode like that. NancyB, I wish you could help me too because I am running out of help and no one here wants to deal with it(friends wise) and everything that I am dealing with is new to me like I am sure it is for all of us. You are right, I didn't want to get my husband in trouble with the police and even if they took him to the hospital, just the look on his face when they put him in the police car is enough to give me the willy's but I HAVE TO, it is either me or him now. I VOTE FOR ME!!!!!!
...and Deb, I vote for YOU too. What you and I have (or, in my case, HAD) to realize is that even though they walk, talk and look the same, they really don't know as much as it may appear. I remember those 'looks', and I remember the times he'd demand I cancel the doctor appointment or lab tests. I wouldn't, and by the time we would have to go., he didn't remember he had told me to cancel. They live in the moment, and usually don't remember what happened yesterday. I live in Texas, or I would be there for you. You need someone to validate what you are doing, which is totally appropriate and best for HIM. I just worry about your own safety until this is resolved. I was thinking of a "Lifeline" pendant or something you could rely on if you were unable to get to a phone. Carosi has one and it has helped her in the past.
Deb, when you say you live in NM, I am thinking that must be New Mexico? If so, I think a good place for you to start would be here... http://www.nmaging.state.nm.us/
Adult protective service, though good if needed, is not what your husband needs. It is more a services to protect those who are unable to protect themselves from abuse and neglect. What you need is some help in trying to get your husbands needs addressed and to try to help you find ways to get help for his care. The link above can get you started in the getting you in touch with the people who can help you with choices and financial possibilities.
My heart goes out to you. It is hard enough to decide our loved ones need placement without the added worry of how the hell we are going to pay for it.
I will never forget when my husband, the first time, standing at 6'2", got very close to me and made this smacking gesture, not really a punch but palm against palm, and screamed " I will make you disappear and you will never know when it is coming".
I've posted a couple of times about how on his last night at home the emt's noticed my hematomas. My memories of that night are so fractured but I think seeing that affected their decision to transport him. I was ashamed, I had called them twice that night because H had fallen and I could not get him up over an extended (hours) period of time. I was afraid for 18 months.
Nikki (LOVE) makes a good point, transport out of the home can be the first step in a very expensive process. I know, as I am dealing with that now.
deb42657, I recommend that you see a medicaid certified elder care attorney. Medicaid is a welfare program, the rules vary by state and change every year. You need someone to help guide you through Medicaid so as to preserve marital assets so you can live a decent life.
Medicaid is designed for people with little money. If you have too much money then you need to spend down until you are at the limits. Congress realized that the Medicaid rules were pushing sick people and their families to be destitute so there are spousal protections. These rules vary by state but as a spouse you are allowed to keep the house (if you live in it), a car, and up to $X (it is this last rule that varies a lot). Some states let you keep $100,000, others much less. 401K, IRA and similar retirement plans are usually considered to be family assets but an annuity in YOUR name would be considered to be your income and not have to be used to pay for your husband's medical care. Sometimes people preserve assets by putting money into the house (paying down a mortgage or making improvements or repairs). But you need an eldercare attorney to help guide you. Some ways of using money would require repayment if done in the past 5 years (e.g. educational expenses are not valid, so they could demand that my son repay Medicaid for the money I gave for his tuition). So you need expert advice. A normal lawyer is not going to know this stuff.
Linda Mc--I was never afraid of my DH. But I was always aware, prepared, and mentally had a clear line in the sand. The first time in our 38 years, that he directed anger at a person (me), I expected more support than what I got, so I changed my response. Never needed it for for 7 years, but it worked perfectly when I did. Such an episode can develop in the blink of an eye. We all need to really reaslize our LO's' brains are being damaged and even the most mild mannered can go off the deep end. We don't need to fearthem; we do need to realize what can happen.
Thanks, Carosi. I outweigh Lloyd by about 30 lbs. and have never backed down from anything. I don't know if that is a flaw or an asset. I am just always ready for whatever because I know his moods and when to be a little extra cautious.
deb42657 you might consider va respite care. you are entitled to 30 days per calendar year. I had my husband in for 8 days early in Sept. and it is not supposed to cost anything for the first 21 and then very small amount for last 9. If you call them and ask for an emergency respite (make up an emergency if you have to) and they will see his condition and perhaps get you help. They asked lots of questions on admission about behavior and so on. We were seeing a doctor at one time at va that was not doing the job, he didn't even listen to my hb lungs or heart and sat behind desk without much concern. He was fired and we recieved a letter asking if we thought his care had resulted in any damage to my hb's health. They are sometimes very slow but you might get some faster results with the respite thing. Always think of how to get out of your place and escape. Keep car keys and phone and purse with money and credit cards in a place to grab and leave. There isn't any warning sometimes but plan to always have a way out don't let him between you and the door. It's a horrible position to be in and I am so sorry you have to be in it.
dorielMl - We have a Veterans Home 5 minutes away from us. When I called to get information about placement (for the distant future......or so I thought) I was informed that they also provided respite care there at the same fee as they charge for the NH (which is about $150 per day). I took him there about 2 & a half years ago for an exam in the out patient clinic so that he would at least be in their system. Then when I tried to get him an appointment earlier this year I was informed that we make too much money to get any VA benefits. I think deb mentioned that her DH doesn't qualify for the VA benefits, so she would have to pay for respite. Now instead of respite we are proceeding with placement.
ElaineH VA must be different in different states then. I am in Michigan. My husband was not in army during a conflict but 1955-1957, drafted, and now they classify that as the cold war era. I asked several times about cost and they informed me there was no cost. I didn't inquire about the nursing home arrangements as to cost but we have three VA facilities in state and you go to the one where there is a bed. Saginaw closest at 63 miles from home. Rest are much farther so visiting would be hard. Nursing homes close by are running $6000.00 to $6600.00 per month which is out of our range as we don't qualify for Medicaid. So complicated to get help for anything. I would keep trying to get with Va if I were you. We have never filled out there financial statement which may tell you something. We co-pay for his meds and some on clinic visits.
dorielMi - It's interesting, but when you hear the term Veterans Home you automatically think Federal Government (at least I did), but the one here is actually run by the State. It has a fee just like any other NH, no one lives there free. I am in the process of having my DH placed there. When I spoke to the director of admissions & she went over the 3 months of bank statements I had to turn in she could see that most of what we take in goes out, so she said that I would have to file for Medicaid (which is also run by each individual state). All the admission papers are filled out, he's had blood work & a chest x-ray & the only thing they are waiting for is the decision on what level of care he needs. Once that is determined (hopefully in the next day or two) he can then be placed. I am fortunate, this Veterans Home is 10 minutes away from my house.
Well, I can't believe all the professional help that I am getting now that he beat me up. I was told over a year ago that the only way I was going to get any help was for him to hurt me and sure enough that is exactly what has been happening. After talking to the social worker at the VA clinic I called the Alzheimer's Assoc. and they gave me the number for the branch in my town. I called them and told her exactly what happened and she said that I should call the senior care unit and the Adult protective services. She was very interested in the fact the his behavior was out of character. I guess that has something to do with how dangerous it is. If he was normally aggressive then it wouldn't be as much of an emergency. So I was told that when I call the senior care unit to tell them exactly what I told her in the same way I told her and they would be the one to do the evaluation. When he is admitted, hopefully, then medicad would kick in at that point and he would have both medicad and medicare. She was also glad that I didn't call the police, not sure why except she said that all they would do is arrest him but I don't think so.
Wolf, thank you so much for wanting to come to my rescure, like my knight in shinning white armour!!! :)
I am afraid of him, I wasn't before, but I am now. Even though I know that it is the disease I still feel like a battered wife and I am trying not to think he did it on purpose and wondering why he hasn't even said I am sorry. Even a batterer will apologize, does he really not know what he did?!?!? Don't know, don't care, it is all the same to me. I am still all bruised up and hurting and afraid. Nothing will change that. I need help just as much or more than he does. All I know is that I have to do what I have to do to get him placed because I am not going to survive another beating.
Deb, I am glad that you are getting the professional help that you need. It doesn't matter why he beat on you, you need to be safe and to feel safe.
When my wife was convicted of assaulting me we never got any help at all. At the beginning I was asked by the office that deals with protecting the spouse if I needed help and I said no, but my wife needs help. The offices here are just set up for a different situation. Plus I'm a guy and I wasn't hurt.
Deb, glad you are getting the help you need. Sometimes it takes a crisis situation for anything to be done. When the police came after my DH got violent with me (& then with them) the officer gave me some literature on domestic violence. He told me that he had to write the call up as domestic violence & I asked him if DH would have a domestic violence charge on hi record & he said no because of his medical condition (AD). Then at the hospital when they had him all “medicated up” & wanted to release him to me I refused to take him home & I walked out. Before I left the case worker assigned to me told me that since I was basically abandoning him they would have to call Adult Protective Services on me. I told them that I understand. Well after I thought about it for a while I thought that if this were about a child they would have been at my door at midnight to take the child out of the house. Well guess what, that was a week ago & I'm STILL waiting for a call from the Adult Protective Service. Of course you know why they haven't called.........because if they do I will tell them to come & get him!
I talked to our apartment manager today and told her what happened and she called the Adult Protective Services and she said that they would be out in a day or two to investigate and hopefully take him somewhere. Other than that I am still trying to stay clear of him.
Deb, I am so sorry you are going through all this. I know how frightening it can be.... it is so odd how each state and facility is different. Lynn's VA doctor told me that Lynn hitting me was part of the disease and I needed to learn to live with it. Nice... thanks so much for the help. pffffft! Adult protective services was a joke. They told me they could help Lynn if I was neglecting/abusing him, but they were not set up to help the spouse being abused due to Alzheimer’s. Makes no sense to me, none at all….
When you say you are getting a lot of help, what kind of help are you getting? Are they going to approve his placement now? We know it isn’t their fault ( so let’s not go breaking their poor arms) and I KNOW that does very very little to help your bruised body and heart….. He needs medical help, his brain is being destroyed and he needs medications to help relieve the symptoms and aggression. And you NEED to feel safe in your home Deb. I hope they are able to really help you and I hope now the damn doctor will approve placement. ((hugs of understanding))
Nikki, you are so right that Adult Protective Services are a joke! When I refused to take Tom home from the hospital last week the case worker told me that because I was basically “abandoning”him she would have to report me to Adult Protective Services. I told her that she had to do what she had to do & so did I & I left! On my drive home I thought, “if this involved a child the Child Protective Service would be at my door at midnight taking that child out of my house.” This happened a week & a half ago & I have YET to get a call from Adult Protective Servece. And do you know why? Because If they would have called me I would have told them to, “Come & get him,” & they knew that! I did get a call yesterday from the State police, because their officer was the first to respond last week & unfortunately that officer was hurt when he tried to restrain Tom. The officer was calling to check on us (because it was filed as a domestic violence call, but Tom wasn't charged with anything). Well we had a really nice 20 minute conversation in which I told him about the whole “hospital wanting to release him back to me situation” & he was actually surprised at that. So I told him that I had placed Tom in the Veterans Home, but that I was going to be on a mission to let the people of this county know that if you are a caregiver for someone with AD or any dementia if the person gets violent you have no where to take them.
Well just found out nothing here to help when trouble like this starts. Two part article in the local paper. No place in the western part of KY handles this. Not even the local hospital is set up to take a violent AD patient for evaluation or med adjustments. They are shipped out of state for that.
They wrote about the nursing homes and how many they need help with, not even touching on the AD LO cared for at home.
I'm mad as hell about this and I really want to do something about this legislatively. Not sure how I go about it, but I will be working on this. This just isn't right, it's downright ludicrous. Requiring anybody to live with a madman is insane!
One problem is that fewer and fewer hospitals have psychiatric wards. They are money losers so the one that can drop them. My wife was once in the local one, turns out she had Ambien toxicity, and the 2nd nurse she saw ther recognized the problem in a minute and she stayed there until this could be fixed. And we got advice on how to avoid the problem. But the rooms in the ward were all doubles and her roommates problems prevented my wife from sleeping and my wife was badly in need of sleep. When the ward psych saw my wife she told my wife that she didn't have any problems and to toughen up. My wife did have psychiatric problems at the time which I am now sure were very early stages of dementia. Anyway, after that experience my wife would never consider going to the psychiatric ward again. I suspect by now the ward has been reconstructed and the rooms are all singles.
Oh boy! You are all making me scared now. The APS is suppose to show up soon and am afraid they are not going to do anything. This time I hope you are all wrong. I can't live this way!!!!!!! Just because he is sick doesn't change that. The apartment manager seemed to think they would take him out.
deb42657 Don't forget to tell them that he's been suicidal. I don't care if he has been or not; but, I've heard it over and over again on this forum that the magic words are "he wants to hurt HIMSELF", and they will cart him away. Hope I have that right??