This was inspired by Emily's thread "109 The Relatively Unresponsive".
Steve has been in Stage 6 for a long, long time. His decline, unlike others, has been very slow to this point. I have said before, I feel like I'm seeing each individual brain neuron die, one by one. Not that I'm complaining, he is content now, unlike earlier years.
He needs help with all the ADL's except walking and transferring. Has been like that for a while. Talking is mostly gibberish, interspersed with words and phrases. Still, his comprehension is good and mood is good to excellent. He even tells jokes in gibberish and cracks himself (and me) up. Last week, he told me "You're a character" (lovingly). He recognizes me, knows my name and that I'm his wife, hugs and kisses me. But Stage 6 can't continue forever, and as I said in the topic title, I dread Stage 7. Haven't we both been through enough in the 7-plus years since dx?
This is the ultimate sorrow of AD, I think. You know what is coming and you can't do a darn thing about it.
Oh Marilyn, I'm right with you-how I dread what's coming. My sister just asked me this morning am I prepared for the end stages and I tod her I honestly won't be even though I know it's coming, probably sooner rather than later based on his recent decline. Funny how we adjust to each stage. I never thought I could adjust to stage 6 and probably even denied he had progressed to that stage for at least 4-6 months. It meant that there was only one stage left to go through and I had difficulty admitting that to myself. So now I am embracing stage 6 and all that has come with it.
Steve has been doing wonderfully well with your expert care and now the care he receives at Arden Courts under your supervision. Unfortunately this dam* disease moves at its own pace and who knows who long it will last. Just continue to enjoy your beloved Steve and live in the moment. Stage 7 will come when it's ready, whether or not we are.
the only thing we can try to do (unsucessfully at times) is try to live the moment and be relieved they are happy and not in pain or torment. mercifully the medications get them to this point. i think too before medications the horrors folks must have lived with. just imagine. your steve has adapted so well marilyn. it must be a huge relief and comfort. things progress at their own pace. my DH is in latter end stages now for a very long time, but he still remains smiley and seemingly content to see me too. even though the body is losing ability to function. its all we can ask for. take some videos of these better times friend, you will want to be reminded of those jibberish jokes. :) time does not stand still. hugs, try not to look too far into the future. divvi
My wife is 'only' in stage 5, yet I also dread the future. When I joined a weekly support group 3 years ago, there were 12 members. That number grew to 15 within a year. Tomorrow I'll be going to the 7th funeral for a group member's spouse ... 7 deaths in 3 years. Three years ago, our spouses were all in stages 3, 4, or 5. And now, 3 years later, 7 have died and I'm one of only 2 with a spouse who is not yet in stage 6 or 7. This disease just sucks. Bigtime.
Your comment is so right on. "This is the ultimate sorrow of AD, I think. You know what is coming and you can't do a darn thing about it. " I went through counseling right after my divorce of 24 years and when I was re-entering the dating scene. I got married the first time at 18 because my first husband was going to Viet Nam so I had only dated 2 or 3 boys before I was married. They were all close to my age, maybe a year older. I also didn't want to fall in love and lose someone to death because of age. The counselor said age has nothing to do with when you die so that's really not a good rule.
When I started dating again, I set a limit of dating no one older than 10 years based on the fact beyond that you experience different generation and events and music and my worry about loving and losing someone. When I met my dh and shared my believe on the ten year rule, he told me is was ten years older than me. After we had been married and he was going into quad by-pass surgery, he said he had something to tell me. "I lied about my age". I just looked at him and said " I guess it is too late because I love you." I had had birthday parties for him for 9 years with the wrong age on the cake. His kids said when is Dad going to tell her. One daughter said, "Aren't you mad? I would be". I told her of course not. I thought it was wonderful he loved me so much to lie about his age.
It too am so afraid of what will come in the later stages. I can't hardly read some of the discussions, knowing how this progresses. It take great effort to focus on the NOW and push the other thoughts away. But then I remember we don't know what is the future for sure. Just because he has AD doesn't mean he will be his cause of death. He has held at bay MDS for 6 years without progressing to needing chemo, is diabetic, has heart issues, a pacemaker, had a bleeding stroke and recovered, and has an aoretic anursym in is main arterty that was repaired but still has two leaks. Just because he is 15 years older than me, doesn't mean he will die first. If I would have followed my own rules, I would have missed out on 20 wonderful years and hopefully many more.
I too am embracing the stage 5 where he is today and trying to make the most of it while we can. This officially is new to me since May, 2012. You have all lived with the knowledge of AD much longer than and I appreciate all your wisdom.
lakegirl, there are many of us with 'may-december' marriages, ie one of the spouses are quite a bit older than the other. my DH is 17yrs older than me too. it made no difference in our marriage the age differences. i will see if i can pull up the old thread about how many of us here have older spouses. divvi
I was in a totally different situation before my dh passed on 8/28/12 at the age of 65...I was 13 years older then he was. Proof that age has little to do with when you die.
I, too, dread stage 7. Right now dh is in early stage 6. My SIL has been in late stage 7 FOR FOUR YEARS. Hard to believe but it is true. She will be 89 next month. So sad. I will take dh the way he is for as long as it has to be.