Like I said earlier, I come and go here. It's the way of our life after 7 years of this. My dear wife now late stage 6 after all these years is now and always was unaware of the seriousness of this disease. Early on she seemed a bit clueless about the disease and I helped with half truths. I asked the doctor "should I help her to understand the consequences of this disease?" To my suprise he said "No. If she's happy and sunny, don't ruin that for her." Early on I excused that even though she knew the word Alzheimer's, that it effects each differently. "It's just a little memory loss. Let's be happy it's not cancer," I'd say. I used this excuse all the way until the word didn't register any more. So she never ever fully knew. Has this sort of thing happened to any others? My trail of white lies got her through to this point. Hard for me but I'm glad that she is not afraid. Others similar in anyway?
Right after the DX,DH would tell anyone and everyone that he had ALZ. I think it was his way of "excusing" himself when he couldn't remember something or someone, etc. As time progressed - now almost 9 years - he tells me sometimes that "there must be something wrong with me because I can't remember things correctly". When that happened, I never mentioned ALZ anymore - because he can't comprehend it and that would make it worse for him. When he asks now, I just say that his medicine will help it and that satisfies him - and he will take his meds ok.
I'm with your doctor - if she's happy - don't ruin it for her. That's the way I feel about DH.
I chose to not tell dh who is 86 about his disease. When he would complain about not being able to express himself or remember things, I would just say "that happens when we age and we just have to compensate." DH accepted that and I am sure he doesn't even remember my saying that. He is delusional and I just go along with "other people in the house talking" and wanting to go "home". I can't change anything so I have to compensate the best I can. There is no medication out there that will make him normal. Things are just going to get worse. All I do is pray to have the strength so many of you have. Yes, I hurt from all the same things all of you do. I hope to keep dh at home as long as possible but know from reading all the posts that could be a pipe dream.
My dh refuses to take most of meds so I have to pick my battles. I manage to get him to take his heart meds and the Paxil at night. If I can only give him the Paxil, so be it. Thank goodness the doctor agrees with me.
We all walk this tightrope called AD. Some of us hang on better than others.
DH has only admitted once he has dementia (FTD) and that was early after the dx. I don't think he knows what he has and I see no reason to tell him or make him face it-what would that accomplish? Since his dx he has always been agitated and aggressive, even with meds, so I wonder if at some level he does know and it gets expressed in those ways. How I wish I had a happy, calm dementia husband. The constant agitation makes it so no one can relax not knowing what's next. After 4 years of this I think I have PTSD.
My husband was not generally happy for at least the last 8 years. I mostly tried to be false happy. I learned to question, what is the point of correcting him? Like LFL, shirley and Vickie said (paraphrasing you), let them have their delusions. If it contributes to some contentment, let him believe it is snowing in February, that it is whatever day of the week, that it is sunny while raining.
While he could swallow, ice cream and cookies gave him some happiness so that's pretty much all he had. When he had good moments I thanked the deity.
He didn't bring up dementia and neither did I. After all, he and I were not going to have in depth conversations about cancer treatments or transplant options. The big door had been shut and locked and we moved around in our little space as best we could.
Early on he was aware, yes, at least he seemed to be consciously aware. Either that genuinely disappeared or it was channeled into rage and hygienge issues. Or maybe those were separate issues and his mind was somewhere else entirely. If it was in a happy place so much the better.
My husband knew from the start cause when he was diagnosed his dad and sister, both diagnosed with Alzheimer's, were still alive. His dad has died, his younger sister is progressing along, so he knows the outcome. But I have noticed he no longer says Alzheimer's to people just that he has dementia so forgets.
My dh would always say he had AD if was talking with some one and there was a reason to say it.
But, he would also, always say..."But, I am not that bad". I would always agree with him and say "You are so right..you are not that bad...could be a lot worse and you have no pain so we must be thankful". He never seemed like he knew he was getting worse and even when he went on his fast downhill slide before he died he never asked...what was wrong with him or why he was so sick, etc. it was like he didn't care or he accepted it or he just didn't understand. I never questioned him about this or discussed it with him. I was glad he seemed to know very little except he knew enough to always thank me for taking care of him and that made be thankful too.
My DH heard the DX, but never accepted it. He also never thought there was anything wrong with him, even when I pointed out his memory problems. It really frustrated me & our children at first when he would not acknowledge that he was having issues. We thought that once he acknowledged he was having problems he would go to the neurologist, but that didn't happen until our children had an intervention with him. He was the type who thought that he never did anything wrong & that nothing was ever wrong with him.
Judithkb, my DH says the same thing as yours, I am not that bad. He has trouble with conversations and finding words. He has gotten lost 4 times and says he has never been lost. He does not drive but says he could. Two times he got lost was when he was still driving. One time was riding his bike. One time left the store when he got mad at me. I had the whole police force looking for him. I thought he was on another aisle in the store. In 5 minutes he was gone. He always says that he can do anything as he always could. I do not correct him or tell him differently. It only causes an argument. I think that it is better not to remind them. My DH would not remember right after the conversation. But if a commercial for Alzheimer's comes on TV it upsets him. It is strange.
When first dx my dh said "I'd rather be dead" but has not mentioned it again. He has VaD and there was an attempt to do surgery and place a stint. The blockage is in his right temple. They stopped midway through surgery and the doctor told me it was too dangerous and the stroke had done damage that was not reversible. Of course I knew that. Dh has not asked about the surgery and I never told him. That was about two years ago and he has regressed so much. I think he still has TIAs and I may not know. His sister had Az and he watched the horror of that.
About two years ago my husband said that he wanted to shoot himself. Failing that he wanted me to shoot him. We had planned to move to Oregon for some relief then he suddenly decided he did not want to do that. We have never had guns. I honestly don't know what would have happened if we had.
Glad to hear from all of you. So there is a common thread of sorts: choosing not to acknowledge or accepting then over time forgetting the diagnosis and yet in a way maybe not. In any case we agree. Why press the issue. Better for them to have less fear or worry and just go forward. Very incitefull.
Gord rarely knew there was anything wrong with him. Doctors would use the word and it would just go over his head. Once when we saw a person drive by, I told him who it was and that he liked this young man and he liked Gord. Gord said that he was a different person now. That was about the only time. We had a hateful GP who sat one day and with total lack of compassion told Gord that his brain would continue to deteriorate until death. I sat listening to him in horror. I somehow knew where his long discourse on plaque, beta amyloid and tau was going but was too frozen with horror to drag Gord out. I hate that man with a passion that won't go. I found an opportunity to talk to him a while later and his answer was that Gord had the right to know.