I think he's resenting me. It's been several days and he won't say what's bothering him. In bed all day. Won't eat what I prepare for him at times. 'Went to bed with his clothes on. I called the nursing home today to start the proceedure of placement. The county needs to come in and assess him before then. We can't live together with him being antagonistic. It will maybe take a month to implement the whole proceedure probably. I don't do this lightly. It breaks my heart. I wish I could cry, but I can't seem to do that . Our pastor advised me to do this (placement) in agreement with friends of mine too. If I continue like this I will weigh 400 pounds since eating is my comfort. (Sorry, that's another thread.) After the placement I hope I will not be grazing like I'm doing now.
Good luck on the placement procedure. I think every one of us has the weight problem. I put on 50 pounds and have not lost it - haven't gained anymore, but not lost it. I have noticed muscle tone is not there anymore. Starting to look my age I am afraid.
I certainly can relate to what you are going through. In the last 2 weeks, I have had my sister, my son, my sister-in-law, and the director of our Independent Living, tell me to take my own advice and start looking into placement or I'm going to be dead.
I do not cry either, specifically because I am shutting down those feelings for now. If I let myself feel all of the emotions right now, I would not be able to deal with everything. My plan is to let the dam of emotions break after Sid is placed. I figure I'll spend the extra time I will have in a therapist's office.
Midwestmn - I know you do not do this lightly - it broke my heart to place my DH, broke it, broke it, stumped on it, ground it to pieces--and that was only the beginning. But one has to survive and when others are telling you, you must listen. Cry you will when the time comes. For now, do not ask him what's bothering him, he can't tell you, and if he could, you can't fix it. Do not fuss about what he eats, let him have whatever he wants--or not, nutrition is not all the important now, don't fuss about his sleeping in his clothes, let it be, just try to keep calm in the house as much as possible, agree with him, no matter what.
Joan, I know you have the added burden of Sid's diabetes & your father, etc. You, too, have to survive. Nature programs us that way. You, too, will cry--well you've already done so when the time was right, you'll do it again, I certainly did. Listen to those who love you. And don't think I can't relate and all those here who have gone thru the same thing. It is so incredibly hard, but know there are those here who are sending you all the cyber support possible. We know how you feel, no one knows it better.
Yes...Yes to Bettyhere...your post is so wise. I fretted for months, worried and drove myself almost nuts knowing my dh was getting close to placement not only because he was getting worse, but I knew I couldn't take care of him if and when he became bedridden. Some would say I was fortunate and others might say how terrible that he died before you had to make that decision. I just accept that the decision was not ours...it was in that"big book"...when it's your time, it's your time. And, some days I would give all I have and some to have him back...but, that is for me...and not thinking of his welfare...he is in a far better place now and I have to learn to accept that. What he had left of life was not living...it was just being here. I know he would never have wanted that.
THAT IS SO COMFORTING. i FEEL BADLY FOR HIM AND FOR MYSELF. BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE HE WILL BE BETTER OFF WITH EVERYTHING SCHEDULED. AND YES TO THE FACT THAT MANY DECISIONS REGARDING SPOUSES IS OUT OF OUR HANDS. FAITH MEANS A LOT TO US. I WOULD BE A VERY UNHAPPY 79 YEAR OLD WITHOUT IT. I COULD GO ON AND ON, BUT IT PROBABLY WOULD BE INAPPROPRIATE HERE. TWO OF OUR SONS WERE HERE TODAY AND DID A BUNCH OF THINGS FOR US - INCLUDING EXAMINING OUR FINANCES TO SEE WHAT THE PROGNOSIS WILL BE FOR US FINANCIALLY. ONE TALKED TO JOE BY HIMSELF AND IT SOUNDS LIKE HE IS QUITE WILLING TO GO. WE'LL SEE. BLESSINGS TO ALL OF YOU. YOU HAVE ALL BEEN SUCH LIFESAVERS!
Midwest....have you contact Hospice. I could not have made it through this journey if it had not been for Hospice. They were not only a comfort to my dh, but they were so helpful to me. Also, they had so many things to offer and suggestions on care that just made it so much easier for me. My dh loved all the attention he got from the different caregivers coming and going.
Remember - even though it is harder to read some use caps because it is easier for them to see. I learned this a long time ago from someone that always sent emails in caps.