Dh entered hospital Tuesday he has pneumonia in right lung. It happened so fast I was really caught off guard. We were out Monday with errands and then ate supper before coming home. He did his own shower, etc before bed and seemed o.k. to me. He got up around 2 a.m. and was too unsteady to walk to bathroom. I am not strong enough to help much but did get him back to bed and he wouldn't get in. He was aggatated and refused to help at all and finally managed to get to the floor. I put in another discussion about the EMT coming and putting him in bed and he managed to get out and onto floor where I just covered him and left him. I feel like a witch now because I waited until morning and even ate breakfast before calling EMT again to take him to hospital. I never thought about him being sick because he showed no signs before bedtime. He has really been very sick. But with meds and breathing treatments he shows gradual improvement each day. But it is very slow kinda like baby steps and sometimes half baby steps. I have sitters at night and dd is with him this p.m. so I can be home for awhile. She called and said he asked if I had deserted him. He woke up more this a.m. and I found myself thinking he would be o.k. Silly me of course the az is still there and he does not understand the whys for all the tubes, etc. Doctor has indicated he won't be coming home but may need to go to rehab since he couldn't walk when admitted. I hope and pray the doctor is wrong. I'm not ready for that for a long time even for rehab. The nursing home here is not that good and I do have a couple of women who will help us at home. Someone on this board has posted that things can happen so quickly and now I am living that one.
Flo 39....looks like my Dh is in sympathy with your DH, he too was today sent to hospital from the nursing home with pneumonia in the middle lobe of his right lung. He had been coughing for the last 2 days but the NH said it was just a cold and was running a bit of a temp...well that temp would not go down from 39 so they called in the ambulance. He also had had a fall the night before, the first one... to top things off he also has another UTI. he can't understand what's going on ,and keeps trying to pull out the drip tubes..wanting to go home.."he'll drive, he says" They were going to send him back to the NH with antibiotics, but are now keeping him in for 24-48 hours to see how he goes Tears welled up in my eyes to see him like this, and when he saw them he started to get all emtional and teary too..he then said, "if he goes first, he'll be up there waiting for me"...breaks my heart. The amazing thing is that, he seemed more alert than he has been for a while, even no dribbles...the last few weeks he's been very sleepy and dribbling. Things sure can change from one day to the next...I'm praying for better news tomorrow.
flo39 and Julia, I hope your spouses recover soon and are back where they belong. DH had aspiration pneumonia last year which required a 7 day hospital stay. Although they cleared up the pneumonia, his cognition, ability to speak, walk, get in/out of bed where greatly compromised due to an allergic reaction to one of the antibiotics they used to clear the pneumonia. Unfortunately he has never gotten back to the level of functioning he was at before the hospitalization. It was definitely a rapid downturn and he moved from late stage 5 to mid stage 6 in no time.
As I look back on things, especially as I continue to pack at a snail's pace and find documents it seems that each hospitalization, even those of only a few days, contributed to a decline. Of course I will never know what the pace of this would have been like without those hospitalizations.
Flo, if I could have gotten husband back in bed that last night he was here I would have waited too. A nighttime admission especially through ER is just so much more difficult in all ways.
As you have each said, the sudden aspect of this can take your breath away.
Even though husband had already had many losses to be told he would never walk again hit me really hard.
ps to LFL- do you spell your first name with one "E" or two?
Today is fourth day for dh in hospital. Baby steps each day. Today he opened his eyes, can get small sips from a straw and cough. He is also talking some although none makes any sense. He told the nurse he was going to "break out". I have sitters at night and dh stayed one p.m. although she is not reliable she does a good job while there. No. 2 son there at 6pm until sitter at 11pm today . No 1 son will do 7-11p.m. tomorrow night then a sitter. So glad for the help as the years have taken a toll on this old gal. In other hospital stays I've been there 24 hrs, sleep on cots or floor or (horrors) chairs. Sons and I planning to not go the nursing home route at least not now. Best case he will recover to where he was. But thinking hospital bed and help at night. The local nursing home gives me the shivers. We've volunteered there for many years and I've seen all I need to. Just afraid he'd be sedated and have no quality of life. Just thinking. Julia, hope things are better for you. It is the most exhausting thing to sit in a hospital. I've never been so tired and lonely. We know there is no happy ending to this journey for any of us. Thanks to all for your comments. It helps to know others care.
flo39...I'm thinking of you too, so glad you have family and sitters to help out.
Just back from hospital...not looking very good just now, his Dr said the x-rays show some other dark shadows other than the pneumonia, so now it's a waiting time to see what tests and examinations show up. DH is mumbling , not making any sense whatso ever...looking very frail and tries to get out of bed while hooked up to an antibiotic drip...I'm so scared now of what is coming next...
Our pcp is out of town this weekend so the doctor covering for him was in. I know him quite well - used to work in their office. He gave me a hug and asked how I was, etc. I asked him what to expect and would dh improve and he said probably not. He said to think about a nursing home and I began to shake my head and he then said or home with hospice care and help. I'm really surprised that dh has gone down so quickly. Just last Monday we were eating out and doing errands. As I think back he must have had a small stroke as he is so weak now and unable to walk. Physical therapy has not come to evaluate him yet as he has been so sick with pneumonia. He still has oxygen and breathing treatments. He only eats a few spoonfuls of pureed food that I feed to him so don't see how he can regain any strength. I'm still reeling. I just think I can bring him home and try the 24 hr. care here. The local nursing home is not the first choice and the next closest is 10 miles. Several folks from our town go there which makes me wonder even more about this one. Any suggestions from those who have their lo at home?
Your dh sounds like my dh. We were eating out and going shopping even though he would get very tired and really couldn't carry on a conversation. He had an appt. with his VA doctor and the next thing I know I have a call from the VA social worker and she told me the doctor recommended that he be evaluated for approval of home care. He was evaluated by an organization contracted by the VA for home care and they in turn contacted Hospice. The next thing I knew...Hospice was evaluating him. It was no real surprise to me because he had been going downhill rather fast, but within a couple of weeks the downhill slide picked up speed and went from bad to worse and he passed away.
I was really glad that the VA made the recommendations they did for the home care and then hospice, because they seem to know how to get things done and were so much help and support for me. I was so glad I had the help I needed and never had to place my dh because of the VA and Hospice. I know I could never have done it alone. I am too small to have moved him when he became bed bound. I thought having him home was easier on me then placing him because I could eat and rest when I wanted to and he was basically very easy to care for. I know how difficult this is for you...hugs..and more hugs. Not everyone can do the same thing so you know best what you can physically and mentally do.
Thanks JudithKB = I'm about average size I suppose but I'm also past 79 yrs. so have not enough strength to even help move dh. I found this out when nurse asked if I could help with using the bed pad to move him up in bed just this week. We have a nice sized room I use now as my sewing room and I think I can move the sewing machines out and put a hospital type bed in there. It has easy access to a 1/2 bathroom and the kitchen and also an outside door. It is also across the house from our bedroom which would be good since I'm not a good sleeper and noise from him would surely keep be awake at night. Just thinking if I can find the help it probably won't cost much more if any than the nursing home. I have two sitters now at the hospital and they possibly would continue. I'll call the VA social worker this week and get going on any help from them. Don't know what they will offer until I ask. I told our sons at the hospital this p.m. that dh might just be the final "decider" he has always been in charge and we may not have to make this decision. He could be on the downhill slide you had with your dh. He is past 79 also. This is all so hard but his quality of life is so poor who could wish him to continue this way.
One of the best things about hospice was they just took charge and ordered all the equipment I needed. Checked his medications and would order them if I wanted them to. They brought supplies in and a gal came and showered him 3 times a week. And th VA homecare people were wonderful also. My dh really liked the attention and care he got. Also, one of the most important things for me was that I knew I had a place to call 24/7 that would advice me what to do and how to do it or they would send someone out to see what the problem was and they wouldn't leave until they had settled the problem. There was only one day where my dh became really, really restless...no matter what meds I gave him or what I did he wanted to get out of bed (he couldn't walk during this time)...I had to place chairs and more chairs up against the rails of his bed and tie them together and tie them to the hospital bed to keep him in the bed. When the hospice nurse came he said...you go out and sit on your patio and have a coke or whatever you want....I am not leaving until I get him calm. He was here for over two hours and finally got him calmed down
I personally feel so glad I could keep him at home during the final months/weeks. It was important to me to be there when I knew he needed something yet still be able to rest when I wanted. And, I didn't have to get cleaned up and go see him and just sit in a chair. BUT...I couldn't have done it alone. I am 78 years old and a little person compared to my dh.
Yes...Coco...you are so right everyone should take all the support and love from here they can get. This is one place you know that the information you are getting is sincere and comes directly from experince. I have been and still am so thankful for this wonderful site. Hope things level off for all of you whose spouses are on this downhill slide.
Just for thankful for this message board. Others can give their opinion but unless you've experienced it is just that - an opinion. I discussed this with our sons tonight and they just think I can't do it alone and I know I can't . I sat by dh bed tonight while he continually took his covers off and tossed them. Then began with his socks and booties it was continual motion and all the time he is talking about who knows what. So I don't need to be convinced I can't do it alone. I will try to get the VA social worker tomorrow and also talk to our pcp about hospice. Does he have to give orders for them to come? My sister had hospice with her husband and she too thought they were so nice and could not have managed without their help. There is always the possibility that dh will make this decision for me. I could not wish for him to remain in this prison he is in. He needs to be free. He is a good man and will go to a beautiful place. Thanks to all for your help.
Hugs...and more hugs flo. Yes, you are so right about this being a prison for them. I knew my dh didn't want to be like he was when he got so bad. That is not living. When you can think of their condition like you are it will make it easier if and when you have to make some difficult decisions about the things that might prolong his life, but not make him better. You will do fine....I will be thinking about you and do know, I care about you and all the others who are facing a difficult time right now.
Dh seems to be responding to the masive doses of antibiotcs for the pneumonia, he's sitting up in a chair being very cheeky to the nurses....he's looking a bit yellow / jaundice. Now they are investigating what the dark shadows are...a chest scan to be done today. I think he'll be in hospital for a while yet. Thanks so much for all you help.
Julia - so glad for you and your spouse. No such good news for us. Hospice is coming to talk with me tomorrow. Pcp told me today dh will not improve. Dh has slept most of the day except when he needs dry clothes. He never opens his eyes even when I know he is awake. He did eat most of lunch but nothing much tonight. I have two sitters but am asking around my friends for names of others as pcp told me he will need 24 hr. care and I know I cannot do much. I am devastated just as if I didn't know this day would come. I can't imagine life without him after 60 years. Whatever will I do???? I know others have been where I am but ----------- well, you know.
Julia, so happy things are looking up a big. Hope it continues.
flo39, So sorry the news isn't good. You must be crushed! 60 years of memories for you to hold onto. You are a strong woman -you will do what you need to do.
flo39 sending hugs as i have no wise input here. they can sometimes go down quickly as we see here so many times. i hope he can make some improvement soon. take care of you!
julia. good news to hear yours is improving. being cheeky is always a good sign. :)
flo39...my heart goes out to you and DH. I wish I could find the words that would make you feel better...stay strong, praying that he can make some improvments.
Dh is still not well enough to go back to the NH.. but at leat he's eating all his food, I just hope he keeps on improving too. Thank you for the well wishes
flo39, I've tried to imagine what it would be like to be where you are with your DH and knowing it's going to happen. I feel so deeply for you. So glad your DH is improving, Julia.
Julia, glad to hear of some improvement in your DH. Whilst he is there, can you check his medication? Perhaps it will give you some insight into the drooling etc; if the hospital has stopped a nursing home drug? Just a thought.
Cassie, I've got the flu right now,so I haven't been in to see him since Monday. I did ask his Geriatricain then if he was on the same meds as in the NH and she said yes he was, but also lots of antibiotics....funny thing is, he's not dribbling or sleeping as much like before, even DD noticed that. On Monday he seemed so much more alert, we walked him up and down the ward, ate all his lunch, I can honestly say he was looking better than when he was in the NH...can't work it out! I rang the hospital this morning and the nurse said he's doing well, he''s had a chest scan for the dark patches in the Xray, but would not give me results over the phone, he may be going back to the NH tomorrow, and they will review him again in 2 weeks time. Shame they can't just keep him in there all the time... I'll be off to the hospital first thing tomorrow.. Thanks so much for thinking of us..
Thank you for the best wishes everyone. Got a call last night that DH will be discharged from hospital today and will be taken back to the NH. They said he is doing well, roaming around the ward, but will still be on the anibiotics tablets a bit longer...and will be reviewed again by the geratirician again in 2 weeks
Cassie...he was taken off temazepam when they put him on Lorazepam and the Sodium Valproate...don't know what the diff is between the Temazapam and the Lorazepam. Now it will interesting to see how he is once he's back in the NH...I shall be watching I've still got the flu and don't think I'll visit him for another couple of days...can't having him catching this on top of the pneumonia. I really thought last Sunday was going to be the day for...hate to say it but...last goodbyes. He looked terrible, son said, "not good Mum, be prepared, that he might not pull through" So the journey goes on...
Coco, thank you so much...my thoughts are with you, you are doing it so tough right now. Your love for Dado will help keep you going...amazing how we just do what we have to do.
Cassie, Dh Reno is back at the NH...they have stopped the Lorazapam, still giving the respiredone , but added back again respiredone PRN...I'm not happy about that..
I wouldn't be happy with that either,Julia. Do insist that they keep you updated on every extra dose that they feel is, "required." Glad to hear though, that you DH is well enough to leave hospital, it has been traumatic for you especially when you have been unwell too. Hope that there are some easier times ahead for you now.
So we brought dh home from hospital yesterday. Hopice came and he is now in my former sewing room. Yesterday was hectic, he was agitated from the trip, I guess and I was nervous about him being home and me not knowing how or what about anything. I truly was unprepared for all this. It seems he really just dropped off the cliff from an almost normal day for us to all this. The woman who was here last night had a terrible time she told me. I was asleep in the far end of the house so I didn't hear anything. I called hospice and the nurse came this a.m. to give me instructions on his meds and to show me how to change a bed with a patient in it. He is very hard to turn and to put a clean diaper on is really a challenge. He is not a big person but he cannot help at all so he seems to weigh much more. The hospice folks will be back today to bathe and shave him and also to help me learn more how to care for him. A CNA coming tonight she has helped us before he went in the hospital and she is so good. I wish she could come everyday but she has another person she is sitting with so she comes every other day. Our oldest son has worked in a hospital many years ago but hasn't forgotten how. He is really so good with changing etc. But he does have a life and can't just move in. Our other son will help as much as he can but he has a job so can't just be here. Dd as I had expected is up to her usual. No surprise there but I had hoped she would help since she is a CNA and good at what she does when she will do it. I'm just dream walking I think. Hearing all the hospice people are telling me is like I'm just watching all this from outside. All I can think of at this point is all the things dh and I will never do again. Just going out for a sandwich at lunch and little things like that.
My heart goes out to you as your dh begins his journey in a new way. Let your family help out as they wish. It is their father and I am sure they feel needed. Strange how things have a way of being taken out of our hands. You have our hugs and love.
Well I continue to believe God does provide. I have two CNAs who will alternate staying with dh at night. I really need my sleep. So I and tylenol p. m. go to bed each night and I rest fairly well. Last night though I kept planning the grave side service we will have in another state after I went to bed. Dh is causing me trouble and one son tells me to just let him handle her. It is a mess I don't need. I know she is bi-polar but sons tell me she is also a con artist and I am being taken. Honestly, I had hoped she would help me out but yesterday when I brought her over here she was a real pain in the butt. I won't go into what she did but I know I won't be bringing her back she was no help and I only ended up giving her money for a lock for her door that was broken and the apt. rules are she has to pay for it. No not her, me! She is a CNA and good at what she does but all the other drama I don't need. One of the women who does come and stay is really a blessing. She has found another who will help me in the day. I find my back is suffering from trying to change dh alone. I can do it by rock and roll as they say but it is really hard. Dh is sleeping most of the time. I can only give him about 1/2 teasp. of anything at a time and he begins to cough and choke. All his meds - which are really just to keep him calm - are by dropper. It is tearing me apart to watch him slip away. But as I was sitting by his bedside I was trying to remember him as a whole person and found it so hard. He has had dementia for at least 3 years as I think back. So the whole capable person was years back. I think someone said we are really widows even before the law would say we are. And so it goes.
Dear Flo, I'm sorry that this is happening to you both, and I add my prayers and love to all those who hold you in their heart. You will be all right, and God does provide. It's one of those times when all you can do is the next right thing.