Things are not going well with Kathryn. She started a sudden decline on Thursday evening which has been continuing. Things are not looking good.
She has fallen 4 times in the last two days and is sleeping most of the time now. When she is awake she wants to walk so bad but she is having trouble getting her legs to do what she wants them to. It took her 40 minutes to walk about 15 feet this afternoon. Her speech is pretty much gone and she is spending more and more of her time awake in her own little world which doesn't include me. Fir the first time she didn't remember her sister today or an old friend that came by at all.
She isn't able to hold her head up to look at you and only knows when to turn when the wall comes into her view. She walked into the glass door because she no longer has any depth perception. I am going to pickup some of those things you put on patio doors tomorrow so she will hopefully know there is a door.
Hospice had a nurse come by and take her vitals. Her blood pressure been dropping since yesterday. Her oxygen was down yesterday and today but has gone back up to 96 tonight. At least that is good news for now. She has not been eating very good and has been losing weight at a rapid pace but suddenly for the last two days has been eating a little better. Go figure. I don't get it.
I almost had my own anxiety attack at Publix today. I was hurting so bad I almost had to sit down on the floor right where I was. Boy am I glad I was able to get though that without anybody noticing. It wasn't easy but I did. It just hurts so much to watch this happening to her.
That wasn't bad enough when I got to the register and went to pay I didn't have my wallet. I had left it at the house. First time I have been without my wallet since I have been old enough to carry one I bet. The folks at Publix were great. They held my stuff in a cooler until I got back with it. Talk about embarrassing.
Jim-you have to take of Jim first. Sounds like are you really on overload. Please accept as much help from hospice as they offer. By the way-Publix has had to put stuff away for me until I came back with my wallet. At least they joked about it so I wasn't too embarrassed. I'm sorry about Kathryn.
jim. so sorry to hear of yet more declines for your DW. it is something we know will come but catches us so off guard when they slip so suddenly. take care friend. divvi
So sorry Jim that Kathryn is failing so fast. Hope you are getting some good sleep at night. Sleep is so important at this time so you have the strength to endure. You will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Jim. this sounds so much like my mom was but not quite as bad...though what you are dealing with is so disheartening. Heed the advice of the others who say to use as much help as you can so that you can be with your DW. Let someone run those errands for you, answer the phone, field calls that are not necessary, do the dishes or fix you something to eat...take care of yourself as best you can.
I hear you about the sudden sense of weakness when out and about. It hits in an unexpected way and you feel like you will collapse and not recoup...I even have noticed in the past couple of weeks that I feel like I am walking more stoopish and am making a point of standing straight..it is so easy when dealing with all of this to develop poor posture...so much bending down and picking things up....this is such a hard job....
So sorry to learn of this rapid decline.. there is nothing I can think of to say that could even begin to alleviate your suffering Jim: our PCP has repeatedly said to me; don't hesitate to take one half or one of the Ativan I've prescribed for your DW if your anxious or do you want me to write an RX for you? Walking out so disorganized w/o my wallet is, as of late, not an unfamiliar scene for me. (Chips stored in Publix's cooler never recover) Until this past year walking out without my wallet was something I'd never done in my life. My solution was to take a rarely used credit card (for safety sake, I reduced the credit limit to the bank's minimum line of $250.00.), and hid it under the carpeting in the trunk of the car. It's a PIA to get to, but unless you know exactly where it is, you'd have a tough time finding it. I've used it once and it's was a lifesaver avoiding the return trip home, then back to Publix and back home again.
Don't be overly concerned about forgetting your wallet or anything else. It is over-load. Our brains and emotions can only handle so much at one time and our emotions are going at high gear. When my dh went on the major down hill slide I was going from room to room looking for "somthing" and when I got to a room, I would even forget what I was looking for. I couldn't even remember to take my own medications from time to time. Your entire focus is on your wife.
Good sleep at night is the major life saver at this time. I usually slept very well, but sometimes I would take one-half of an ativan to be sure I got my rest. I lost 8 to 10 pounds in less then 2 months and I am a small person. Your health is very important at this time so please take care of yourself.
Jim, I've cooked all meals for almost 10 years because I was home and my wife still worked. I cut myself badly twice when I was where you are where she was really slipping, it was a lot more work, she was losing weight, and I became adept at standing still for a few seconds to see if I was going to drop from the combination of exhaustion, stress, and worry which did happen a couple of times.
She gained weight again. She never got better or held. No thinking when you drive. Slow down when you cut. Have your numbers handy. New routines about key/wallet. (I changed to keys on the wallet and cardinal rule was they must be together at all times). Program the speed dials you may need short of 911. Load up on subsistence food like cans of soup or frozen. And try and have someone you can talk to.
Those are some of the things I changed when it turned while I was tired.
If you don't have anyone, I offer to be that person for you. Don't give it a second thought if you're not interested I won't be offended. No need to answer this part and if you ever change your mind just holler because I'm going to put my email address up again.
I've walked your path and it sounds familiar. Anyways, stay strong and focus.
Jim, I am so sorry Kathryn is declining so quickly...I know how difficult this must be for you both physically and emotionally. Like others have advised, please take care of yourself and take advantage of any help you can get. Perhaps having someone come in a few hours a day or week might help relieve the stress and anxiety you are experiencing but having someone else do the mundane, household chores. My prayers are with you and Kathryn during this difficult time. I know I will be a total wreck when dh reaches this stage.
Off Topic Apoligies Wolf, we started dating at 14 & 16. Married at a 17 & 19, DW PG of course. We've enjoyed a very special life together, With wonderful parental support, we put each other thru college each obtaining an Master's degree, quite an accomplishment when I had just completed my freshman year and DW hadn't completed high school when we married. For the couple that would never "make it" according to the local gossip, we've enjoyed a charmed life and in many ways we still do. DW advanced through the management ranks within IBM, in our opinion the world's best company to work for, and now has a wonderful retirement package.
Jim, thank you for sharing your feelings and Kathyrn's current state with us. I know that you are weary my friend, but you still have lot in you. You have loved her so dearly, please take care of yourself and use hospice and anyone else that you can trust so that you can get some grieving time alone. Please know that we are all here for you. Lots of prayers for you and Kathryn., Arms around from south georgia.