Just a few minutes ago, I placed his dinner in front of him. He told me, thank you Jeremy..and then...looked kind of guilty, as I said "Who?" He then said, "Susan". (the name of the Home Health Aide that comes once a week).
I waited a second, and said calmly and with love, "Dado, do you know who I am?"
He replied, "You and me"
Well, is not that enough and better, than remembering my name? I told him, "That's right, you and me, you got it right"
He did remember my name when I asked him again, albeit with difficulty.
On one hand, this feels like a turning point, I have been watching for it. On the other, I thought, Jeremy , where the heck did that name come from? I think I recall a Jeremy he may have worked with at one time.
My dh asks me at times where is E. (that's me.) I'll always say I'm here and he usually just looks at me but has said "no, not that one." Just another odd part of this #&%* disease that has taken him away. He does always recognize our sons and dil which surprises me.
Coco, "you and me,"that is "enough and better" and it made me cry. Divvi, (I think) says that at some level, they always know us even in late stages but "you and me" says it all and just shows how important you are to him. I know that things have not been easy for you lately but you must be a wonderful, kind & caring person for your dear Dado to say that to you. Sending you a new jewel for your Princess (of p...) crown, you deserve it!
knowing how one feels on the inside is the easy part, saying it out loud is the difficult part. i think this applies to our dear poor spouses as well. coco that was so touching. hugs.
I have been in your shoes many times. First time is a shocker, second time not so much. This loss of our name seems to be very common. I am sure our dhs know our place, sometimes not our relationship but the familiarity is there. I can't tell you the tears I have shed. I just have to tell myself this is part of the disease and roll with the punches. Nevertheless it still jolts and hurts. We are all holding hands, blowing kisses to each other.
Coco...he knows who you are and will know to his last breath. Not only does he know you by sight, he will know you by touch. This is difficult for you...but it is just a fleeting moment when they are totally confused...touch him when he says that and speak softly and with love. He knows...I have no doubt in that at all. Hugs...hugs and more hugs.
I noticed that many nouns went away early. A classic description of someone with AD is that they will call a watch "the thing that tells time". So names for things, as well as people, seem to be difficult to retain for some reason. Of course, it hits us in the gut when our names can't be recalled, but I try not to take it personally. He shows me with his behavior that he loves me.
marilyn very astute of you to notice the missing nouns. Thinking back, my husband did the same thing. Lake Charles was "the boat thing", and my "doodle doodle" thing was ringing (cell phone).
Lots of "things" at our home. L hasn't forgotten a name, but has called our son by my name more than once, gets the cats' names wrong 60% of the time but I don't think she confuses them. So while it is a shock and sad, him not remembering your name is not the same as him not remembering who you are and his relationship to him. Yes, at some time you will be "just someone special" but that reflects his capabilities, not his feelings for you.
I guess I still, deny it, think that he is putting it on or it will go away. Weird yeah? But when I read what you all say, especially about the nouns, and I see the exact same thing, then I know for sure. I mean, he can barely walk, cannot talk cook or bathe himself, no driving or working...he just sits in his deck chair all day long. Yes he is sick.
It seems to me that he is moving on the a new phase. Very emotional, one minute he has this strange laugh, and then other times he has tears in his eyes. He even seems to not be pacing, quite as much.I had compared the progression with one particular person here, and now I see that it was not as advanced. But then, I see what happens so quickly, and am watchful.
Thank you for your kind words and your warm hearts.
Yeah, you do keep holding this idea that the whole AD thing will evaporate. It'll all have been a temporary curtain...it will lift and be gone. Jeff can't articulate anything. I don't see the noun pattern so much as just any word comes out. Whatever he may be trying to express, the words that come out are random and completely unconnected, so it's hard to make any sense. But still, when I sit down beside him, and he's feeling calm and peaceful, I can feel like he's still there, even though I really don't think he does know who I am.
Coco, it made me so sad to read your post -- but so beautiful to read the words "you and me". You are still connected. My DH does still know me, but his choice of words at times reflect an emotional detachment that is tough to describe. He was "reading" (I think mostly just skimming) the newspaper the other morning and found a reference to Hurricane Katrina -- he turned to me and said "That's funny -- I have a daughter named Katrina." And I thought, yes I know, we've been together for 30 years -- I know who she is. I think sometimes he just thinks I'm a caregiver -- a caregiver who sleeps with him -- but we're physically far apart -- both sleeping on the edge.
Yesterday his sister who was visiting from Europe was leaving to go home, so we stopped over at his mother's to say goodbye. After we left we went out to eat with our daughter. I reminded him that his sister was leaving and he turned to our daughter and said (in German his native tongue) "Well, goodbye, have a safe trip!" Of course, our daughter looked sad and I just said, your sister, not our daughter. He just said "Oh, okay." He sometimes looks at photographs of his sister (both from the past and present) and says it's our daughter. Even before AD he always said our daughter reminded him of his little sister.
Sometimes I feel I'm living in an episode of "Who's on First" but it was much funnier when Abbott and Costello did it!
God bless you Coco -- you are a wonderful caregiver!
No matter how prepared we think we are, it really, really hurts when they don't know us. I'll never forget when we went to Daytona Beach one year. We were sitting on the bed and out of the blue, DH said "Who are you?" I couldn't help it, I started to cry. And, that didn't even get a response from him. Before he would have been so concerned.
All you can do is keep your sense of humor. Last week we had a "hurricane" party with two other couples. We got 12" of rain in 24 hrs. DW who rarely speaks, kept going to the terrace widows, looking out at the wind blown rain and saying; "watering, winding, lot's of winding and watering." She was right!
I remember when my mom didn't know who my dad was..first time he came to her with several Silver Dollars he got as change...she told me Santa Claus gave them to her but the strangest thing was he was in FL and it was too hot for his santa suit. The second time she awoke in the morning and had a fit..Who is that fat man in my bed! Get him out of here!!! Sad for me to see, heartbreaking for my dad.
I dread the day DH no longer knows who I am. And somehow I think he has a fear too. Just yesterday he hurried into the kitchen, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said I love you..I have to tell you now before I forget...I'm getting old you know ( there is 17 years between us).....kind of telling I think...almost like a warning...
Lloyd hasn't known my name for a long, long time. He doesn't know anyone's names, but he recognizes them. And I have told them to NOT ask him "who am I?" It frustrates him horribly. He can still say "I love you" and cannot stand for me to be out of his sight for one minute. And when I do sneak out, he is so excited when I get back home and he finds me. That says it all. Most of the time he has to be physically touching me and it can be quite maddening. But I would rather have that than not have him at all.
It was Memorial Day 2011 that our marriage first disappeared. Thankfully this site prepared me for the moment and I adjusted. Our marriage comes and goes now (but is mostly gone) However I do still discuss it with her.
"Arent you happy, we are married now" "Ha, ha . . . No were not!" "Yeah we are" "When did that happen?"
or
Me: "It is nice to be married . . . How long has it been since we got married? Her: "I think it has been two weeks now" (actually 24 years)
I guess the best is when I am lying next to her in a quiet moment: "Do you think we should get married?" "Yeah we probably should"
I get a little pleasure talking to her as if we are on a date and asking her if she thinks we should get married. The joy comes when each time she says 'yes' ;-)
I donno what I would do if she ever said no . . . .
That sounds so familiar. I thought it was just sick humor I had when I found out my dh could have a conversation with me and it included things we have never experienced as well as names of people I have never known or heard him refer to in the past. I went along with him and it was OK because some conversation with your loved one is better then no conversation.
The one thing he rarely forgot to say to me until the final week was "Thank you for taking care of me". This made it so much easier to care for him.
My husband is now mostly nonverbal. I know he recognizes people and I know he still loves me. Comes up behind me to rub my shoulders or neck and always ready for a kiss. I would just love to hear his voice again saying my name. I wouldn't even care if he didn't make sense...I would just love to hear his voice.