This weekend my DH, two sisters and I went out of town for a little R&R. I thought DH might like a change of scenery instead of being in the house all day. WRONG! We are from Northern Illinois and traveled to Door County, Wisconsin -- if you know the Midwest, you know it's a beautiful area. One of my sisters is mentally handicapped, although very functional, and I knew it would be challenging since both she and DH are very repetitive. My sister was the least of my problems. DH was so confused the entire weekend regarding our whereabouts it was nerve wracking. The first night he wanted to go back home at 10:00 p.m. Sorry, I said, it's 4-1/2 hours to get back, we'll discuss it tomorrow. Next morning, my other sister had a kidney infection -- had to find a doctor for her. We left DH and MR sister together -- God watched over them for two hours and they were ok. Poor DH still didn't know we weren't in Illinois -- that night again he wanted to go home -- said he thought the owners of the place wouldn't like us staying there. I reassured him they didn't care, that we were renting from them. Then he thought we lived there.
Needless to say, I've only seen him so confused once before and he was hospitalized at that time. So I guess the moral of the story is I don't have to worry about giving him new experiences -- he just can't handle them. The last time we had traveled together was over 2 years ago, and it's been 3 years since I've had an overnight without him. His world has become so small, but I do have to say, except for the confusion he was a happy camper -- of course because all the decisions were made for him.
Every day I say, "Well, he can still bathe, dress and eat by himself, so he's not that bad." But I guess in reality, he is not as good as I thought. One day at a time --
P.S. This morning our garage door broke and I couldn't get to work -- one more stupid thing to take care of -- and I have to keep explaining why the guy is in the garage repairing the door. GRRR!
Elaine- Glad you got away for awhile a change of scenery and that is beautiful scenery in Wisconsin is always nice. Your dh being confused is not surprising to me as my dh is confused in our own home!! We've been going each February to the gulf but I wouldn't think of going next Feb. He handled it fair last year but has regressed so much in a year. He asked me last night how much we were paying to stay here (in our own home) I told him I had made a sweet deal with the owner and we were ok. sad . My dh too can still bathe and feed himself but can't be left alone. Yes, one day at a time it has to be that way.
Oh Elaine, we have so much more in common then our name! You have given me pause to maybe rethink a trip that I have planned for next month. I's funny (not HA HA funny!) the situations we think our LO's will be able to handle only to be disappointed that they can't. I am planning for us to take a 6 hour trip to visit our son & his family next month. We actually made the trip last month to take our grandsons home & DH did well on the trip there & back. We stayed overnight & he did well with that too (much better than he did on our trips there last year – when he was in his angry stage). But this time I plan on staying 4 nights. I THINK he will do fine because he actually likes being around his “friends” (he thinks our children & grandchildren are his friends, he no longer knows them as his children). So I am going to go for it. If worse comes to worse we will just leave early. Like yours, my DH is usually pretty happy, but sooooo confused. Funny, I grew up in Milwaukee & most of my relatives are still there, but I never went to Door County. Maybe it's a trip for “later.”
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - traveling with my husband is taking my work with me. It is stressful, exhausting, and not the least bit fun, which is why we don't do it anymore. He panics in a small hotel room until he is sure he remembers where the bathroom is. When there is one or more of these - physical disability, incontinence, confusion - it's time to hang up the travel wings. I shut down the emotions related to the end of that part of our life together. Too painful for me to deal with.
I've found that trying to take DW out of her nest other than for shopping or going to dinner has one guarantied result – She immediately loses all symptoms of aphasia and very clearly expresses herself: I want to go home, take me home, and the plea's just escalate from there
ElaineH, if your hubby did well the last time you traveled, I would still try it. As you said, you can always return home early. I did think about going back a day early myself, but I felt I owed it to my sisters to hang in there. They have been very understanding, even my handicapped sister. She was wearing a shirt that said Myrtle Beach and DH kept asking her over and over if she had been there, and very patiently she would answer him each time.
We did a lot of traveling over the years, especially since DH was from Europe. We traveled there several times and he was the driver and guide for all of it. It's so sad to see such an independent, self-directed man just sort of watching life happening all around him.
Our son recently moved to Southern Illinois for a teaching job and I would like to go down to visit him. He really wants my husband to come too and he's so afraid that his father will forget him. So, maybe in a few weeks we'll try -- we'd have to stay for two nights and maybe if I hand him a printed itinerary it might help.
Thanks to all for your kind comments -- and I did get the garage door fixed, plus a new opener to boot. Our 25 year old house is showing its age these days!
ElaineH, go for it. I put Lloyd in the car and drove from Ohio to Florida in January and lasted 3 weeks. He survived it. I know he wouldn't now. Of course , our 19 yr-old grandson came along which made things so much easier.
Elaine K & Linda Mc, thanks for the encouragement. Our trip is a month away, but unless something drastic changes it's a GO! He does travel well in the car. He just sits there looking at the scenery (& it is beautiful – the mountains of western Maryland & West Virginia) & I listen to an audio book. It's something for me to look forward to.
ElaineH, my DH also travels well in the car and loves to look at the scenery. Our problem is when we stop for a bathroom break with no one to go in with him and our stay in motels. I'm so afraid he will get confused, get out and wander at night when I'm sleeping. I have a motion detector that I set and put by the door before we go to bed but I really got worried when I was in the shower. Ha, If the alarm went off, I'd be streaking down the hallway after him.