When did I become a lawn mower repair person. The drive belt in the mower busted. My dad came over and he fixed it. My husband watched, but we said great job to both. Next thing I know it is off again after my husband cut grass. He said it was not the right belt. I put it back on per my dads instructions over the phone. While talking to my dad we figured out a spring was missing. My husband said it must have fallen off. No he took it off and I found it in a cabinet. He said it was not the right spring or belt. So to placate him, I ordered a new belt and spring on line. When it came in I put both on the mower. He cut the grass 2 times over 1 week and said it wasn't cutting right again. I went out to look and he took it off again. Then the spring was missing again. I just went out the spring is back. But he put the drive belt over the deck belt. I tried to explain that it was not right. Well, needless to say I had to go back in the house. I don't know what he is doing to it now. I know he is frustrated. He always gets mad and says I know what I am talking about I worked on cars for years. When will it stop? That is a rhetorical question. I know that it won't and will just get worse. It was fine. Why do they get something in their head and cannot get it out? I think he does not remember we fixed it. I push mow and ride mow and use the weed eater, but this is something that is hard for me to do. If he wasn't helping I could go it. If I get the belt on he is on the other side taking it off. Ugh! Just needed to get this out. Thanks.
You may need to disable the lawn mover before he hurts himself 'fixing' it. I would also question letting him use it - one of these times it may not be turned off and he will get hurt.
as for venting - let it go here. We all understand.
jackiem 29, please disable that mower!!! Mine has taken to knocking pictures of the walls of all things. Usually he is just picking up kids' socks and shoes and carrying them around or throw pillows off the couches. Kids have been warned. We find one shoe upstairs and the other downstairs. It is maddening! And one of the few things he can say is "I didn't do that". And he will argue that point if you fall into pursuing it which sadly, sometimes I do. Ok, we are now approaching crazy funny things our spouses do. Everybody, tell! Therapeutic and good for a few laughs!
unfortunately there does come a time when we must intervene and disable any equipment that could lead to injury as charlotte says. its only a matter of time before his ability to judge what to touch may cause him grave injury so if it were me, i'd have someone else cut the grass when he wasnt looking. many of us are use to the excuses of them not being responsible. i heard the 'other guy' who was him but didnt recognize himself, was the culprit. even blamed our 7lb chihuahua for alot of the peeing on the floor on furniture and down into stairwells over artwork. yes, i remember those times, not happy ones. mine also took every pillow off beds and furniture and carried to far corners of the house and was left. it was constant picking up after him. finding dirty toilet paper was not pleasant as well. it was hid in very conspicuous places. pills not taken were also found in cushions just about everywhere til i had to crush and watch him take them. yes the things they can do will drive us mad if we let it. take a deep breath, and the hope is that eventually this will pass and something else will take its place. ! divvi
I had to take the knobs off the stove, hover over stove as I cooked then quickly remove knobs. Clean pee out of floor registers. Hide my jewelry, knick knacks--actually all smallish things. Most are still in boxes in the basement. I'm getting used to the simplistic look, and dusting is quicker, easier; so boxes may stay there for family members to marvel at when I'm gone:)
We moved at about the right time. An amazing number of things "disappeared" during that move--our lawn mower, snow blower, tools, step ladders, even my husband's car.
Could you do something to disable the mower, enough to have to take it in for repairs, and then "somehow" they never call you to pick it up? I know (from experience) that it costs more than I like to have the lawn and snow taken care of, but I can't have my husband trying to do it himself.
I agree - fiblets start flying for their protection. Everyone has given you the best advice for this stage...the lawn mower has to leave your property.
My husband took apart the ceiling fan, and couldn't put it together again. I had to buy a new one. Then he took a screwdriver and was going to "fix" the loose wiring with the fan blades going!!! It is a miracle he didn't shock himself to death! Then there was the vacuum cleaner, the dishwasher, etc....over $700 of replacement items had to be bought....and my husband was NEVER Tim, the toolman, Taylor!
We who have already been there, can tell you many tales....most of them are in the older discussions we've had here at Joan's. You have to protect him from himself. You will learn to redirect his attention to things where he can't harm himself or your home. Watch out for his unloading the dirty dishwasher.
Your advice about the unloading of the dirty dishwasher came too late. Been there, done that. My dh was always so adept but 2 yrs. ago when he decided to replace the deadbolt on garage service door, I realized he shouldn't be trusted with a tool again. I ended up doing the job before he ruined our door and that had to be replaced. If I see him with a screwdriver in his hand, I always ask "where are you going with that?" When my son came to visit this summer, he spent a couple of days just correcting his father's mistakes.
I am SOOOooooooooo lucky. During our marriage we never cooked(!) Two working professionals wthout kids. It was always easier to just eat out. Fast food mostly and lots of heating things in the microwave. 20 years of marriage and she never cooked anything.
Now with the AD my wife NEVER touches the stove! :-) She never used it before the symptoms and subsequently has no interest in it today. Who woudda thought? Of course with our income cut in half and care bills every month I am now having to learn how to cook in my old age. (not something I wanted to do)
This weekend it was window washing day. the tools consist of a bucket of wash water, a sponge, a squeege and a towel. For each window I had to search at least once for one of the items.
When I was wiping on the water the squeege walked away. When I found it then the towel left. Recover the towel and the bucket moved into the living room. And no it was never her that moved the things and she had no idea how they got there.
Pain in the neck but thankfully nothing was harmed.
I'm dealing with DH getting up in the middle of the night (so far no mdication keeps him asleep all night) and gets into erything in our bedroom, bedroom closet and one of the guest bedrooms. He rifles through everything-clothes, shoes, blankets, etc everything you can imagine and strews it all over the rooms and hallways. This happens 5 out of 7 nights. I have no idea what he's searching for (or hiding) and it is not practical to remove those items from the rooms because it is stuff we use frequently. Iam frustrated beyond belief! Jackie, you've been given good advice-get rid of or disable the lawnmower. It's very dangerous for him and for you. Yes, it's very expensive to have the lawn mowed by someone but I had to do it when DH really wasn't capable of doing it anymore safely.
LFL, my DH went through that getting up in the middle of the night stage about 2 or so years ago. It drove me crazy. He'd turn on every light in the house & even open the front door (thankfully he never went out because he was afraid of the dark). He also rifled through closets & drawers. I made the mistake of leaving my purse on the kitchen table & I woke up to find the contents of my purse & wallet strewn all over the kitchen & I found my drivers license in his pocket. After a while, along with all that, he started the aggressive stage & that's when I came here & asked what I should do & the experts here suggested Seroquel. After he started on that he started sleeping at night & the aggression eased a lot. Now he is pretty docile & the only thing that he hoards is paper items – napkins, paper towels, toilet paper, etc (wish I would have bought stock in a paper company!)
Elaine, thanks for your post but we are now 4 years down this dementia path (FTD/possible mixed with AD) and he's been on 300+mgs of seroquel during that time (now currently on 300 mgs), in addition to neurontin and trazadone (traz at night). We've been thru the agitation and violence (still agitated) but nothing seems to work for sleeping and the nighttime rummaging. Working with a geripsych but we just can't seem to tame the nighttime beast! He hoards his wallet and any money or IDs (3 IDs are "missing")and god knows what else! Unfortunately my guy is a difficult one; I still love him but he's trying my patience. I'm open to any other suggestions!
LFL would child proof locks on drawers and closets keep down the rumaging or just frustrate your husband? You could try a couple to see how it works. Toys R Us might be a good place to look if you can get out.
LFL I don't want to insult you-treating your husband like a child. I'm just trying to offer suggestions. Here is a site I found http://www.totsafe.com/
bluedaze, I am not insulted (nor he) in the least. He's behaving like a spoiled 3 yo so you have to deal with that behavior. You may recall I bought him 2 thing-a-ma-jigs when they first came out. He loves them! Others were offended that I would buy him a child's toy but he truly loves them, so what's the harm?
I think the child locks will frustrate him but what can it hurt if I try a few to see? Thanks for the suggestion.
I don't have to worry about my dh cooking or unloading dishwasher. He has never done what he calls women's work. He does reorganize closets. That is a pain. There is no organization to what he does. He has over the past 4 year, broken every piece of lawn equipment we have. He use to change the oil, rotate the tires on the cars. I have since told him that the warranty would not be good on the cars if he does it. He accepted that. He tries to check air in the car tires, but checks one and thinks he has done all four. I have learned if something is broke, I fix it or get my dad to when someone takes DH for awhile. Dad will cone and DH will watch him and my dad will ask him to get a tool. By the time DH comes back my dad is done. This lawn mower thing will be a hard one. Sometimes I wish he would get to where he forgets these things then I will not have to deal with it. I know it sounds bad, but I know you all understand what I mean.
I have magnetic child-proof locks on my kitchen cabinets that hold food. He would eat everything he finds, but for some reason won't go into the fridge. The magnetic locks were easy to install and he can't see them. He tries to open the cabinets periodically but doesn't get upset that he can't open them. Just looks a bit puzzled. I keep all of his meds locked in a lockbox and have keyed deadbolts on all the doors. We do what we need to to keep them safe.
My husband also has a thing a ma jig that he loves. He also has a singing leprechaun. :)
jackiem29, I hope you don't mind that I piggyback on your vent thread.....it's kinda about lawn mowing. I am mowing my lawn today. I have a big front yard with a hill. I don't mind that I have to do everything (like everyone else here), but I have 2 neighbors with riding lawn mowers who know my situation. How I wish that they would just take it upon themselves to help me out a bit & just mow the flat part of my yard when they are doing there own yard. Actually the one neighbor did mow my lawn once last summer & used the weed whacker too. I thanked him profusely. But he hasn't done anything since then. Don't get me wrong. My neighbors are nice people & I'm glad that they are my neighbors (it could be much worse). I can't help but think that if I saw someone struggling to do something that I could do for them in half the time, well I would help them. Oh well. Thats my vent. Thanks for listening.
ElaineH, I know exactly what you mean. I have "good" neighbors too....but there are times that I struggle to do things - which they can see - and no one offers to help. I don't know, I guess everyone is so involved in their own struggles, lives, whatever, that they really do not THINK! I hope when this is all over for me, I will be more alert to other people's needs.
My son lives right around the corner so he will pop over and mow and weed whack every once in a while...God bless him. jackiem29, Lloyd did forget about 2 years ago that he smoked or we would probably be living in a pile of ashes by now. That would be my silver lining around my big old storm cloud!