Judith, you are an amazingly strong woman and caregiver. I have been so touched by the love you have for your husband (and he for you) and your caring and thoughtfulness about the music and life's gifts you've shared. I hope I can be as kind, loving and calm when it is my turn. You are an inspiration.
My darling Jim has passed on. It was very strange yet a wonderful experience. My son-in-law had just come in from doing a little shopping for me. My daughter, son-in-law and I sat down for just a few minutes in the living room and then we heard two loud barks from darling little Sophie from the bedroom where she had stationed her self on the floor at Jim's bedside for the past week. We all got up and ran into the bed room and Jim's breathing had changed to what we knew was going to be the final stage. I stayed with him, holding his hand, rubbing his head and telling him how happy he had made me and how much I loved him.
Within a half hour he was gone and I was so grateful beause he did seem to have some suffering at the end. Could have been from his seizures or his difficulity in breathing. I gave him morphine often because I did not want him to suffer.
I called hospice and a nurse came out to pronounce him dead and then the Furneral Director sent two well dressed men to take him away. I had told the director I wanted to be out side when they removed his body. My kids said..."Mom.....you have to see this and it won't upset you it will make you proud"...and they were right. They wheeled my darling out with a quilted American flag over his body. Jim would have been so proud of the honor they have him....then I went back out side and looked into the eastern sky...and behold...there was a double rainbow. How can one be sad from just lossing a love one when his final departure from our home he was so honored by the method of removal and a double rainbow. I didn't even shade a tear...it gave me such peace to see how he was honored by the director and by the heavens.
I will be alone tonight and that is alright. But, I know I will never really be totally alone as long as I hold Jim in that special place in my heart. This entire experience has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.
Judith....thank you. What a wonderful gift that was. I have hardly been able to look on this site to see this. But I am so proud of you. Good bye Jim you were a lucky man.
Judith, I am so glad that you had this momment with Jim. I will be praying that the good memories will help you during the coming days. You'll smile everytime you see a rainbow. Hugs
What wonderful last half an hour you shared. AS someone else said earlier in the week, this is such a personal experience between two hearts... I loved the honor given Jim as he left his wonderful home...with his flag..and then the symbol that all is well with the double rainbow to show his soul has soared to heaven to a place of peace. And you are so right, he will always be with you...and you will always be able to talk with him too and if you listen very closely, you will hear his counsel.
Oh Judith..tears flow as I read your post. What a touching compassionate ending to such a hard journey you and Jim have been on.. Rainbows will always have that special meaning for you...I know I will think of you whenever i see a rainbow now. Hugs ..♥
How special Judith, he is at peace and you no longer have to watch him suffer. Hope you sleep well tonight. ((((hugs)))) for you, for you courage and strength through all this.
Judith, what an amazing experience. I know you will find peace and comfort in the days ahead just knowing that your dear husband is no longer suffering.
Oh Judith, your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm thankful that Jim had such a peaceful passing with you by his side. The respect from the funeral director was touching & the message from God was AWESOME. It sounds as if are at peace & I pray that God blesses you dear Lady.
Your cherished Jim is in a much better place. You both fought the valiant fight. May you find strength and peace in the days and months ahead. I know you will miss him dreadfully. You are an inspiration to all of us.
Thank you all for your comments. Yes, the double rainbow was very special because we so seldom have rainbows in Ca. and it had just been a very slight sprinkle of rain an hour or so earlier.
I can't say enough about the peace and pleasure one receives from having your loved one die in their home. I know that is not possible for everyone or even something some do not want to do. But, for me it was and will always be the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my entire life. And, the comfort for you to be in your own home makes it so much better. You can eat and drink whenever you want to, you can lie down for a few minutes when you want to. And if you have hospice (which I highly recommend) you are having people come and go on a daily basis giving care and respect to your loved one. And, you can talk them about what will happen next...what should I look for...and that to me was priceless.
Judith, you and Jim have touched my heart so deeply-I am crying with abandon. Inspite of this terrible disease you were given wonderful blessings at the end. I am glad you both are at peace and wish you continued peace and strength as you honor your life with Jim and prepare for your new life.
Judith, thank you for sharing with us your blessed time with Jim and his peaceful and honoured passing. It's what we all pray for, "a good death." I remember feeling a tremendous sense of peace when Eric was released from his suffering. You fought the good fight and ran the race. Well done.
Judith - Thank you for sharing those last very private moments with your lo. My prayers are for peaceful rest for you now and the days ahead. Tears are still flowing thinking what lies ahead for me. I only hope I can handle it as well as you.
Your wonderful husband has gone to a place of joy and glory. What a beautiful passing. Now you and Jim can both be at peace. Thank you for your generous sharing.
Judith, what a touching post ... I am in tears reading it.
It truly is an exceptional experience, to be with your loved one until the end, in the peace and comfort of your own home. My mother was, when my dad passed, and I was there with them. It is a feeling I will never forget.
The flag was a beautiful tribute ... and the double rainbow a sign from the heavens above.
Thank you, Judith, for opening your heart here and sharing the story of Jim's passing. You are an inspiration. God bless you in the days ahead.
I haven't posted in a while but logged in today and saw your beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your special moments with us. You did your job well and you're an example for the rest of us still struggling with this awful journey. You're going to be fine. {{{{Hugs}}}}
JudithKB, what a beautiful story that you have shared. Not only of the final hour and moments but of a life that was shared with love and compassion. You are a remarkable woman and Jim was truly blessed to have loved and been loved by you. The angels are rejoicing, he is whole now. Thank you so much for sharing this. This has touched me deeply and make me want to be a better person to my DH and a more compassionate caregiver. Praying for strength and peace to you and your family.
This will be my last post on my darling spouse, but I just wanted to tell you one more special moment that you may share in the future with your spouse that will give you a memory that will be with you forever. I don't mean to imply you can't have these special moments with someone dying in a NH or whereever, but to me it makes it just so personal when they are in the same bedroom we shared for so long.
On Sunday morning, I woke and Jim had his eyes open for the first time in days and seemed more alert. I'm told this often happens as death draws nearer. I immediately said to him...I am going to put your Elvis tape on and he raised his hands and clapped. I almost fell over. I said..."I love you darling"...and he said "I love you too" with a big smile on his face and that was the last words he spoke to me....the alert spell only lasted for about 15 mins. and then back to eyes closed and little to no response.
Once, again I say to you. Don't fear this event...yes, it breaks your heart and it is very sad, but the rewards far out weigh the pain of seeing your spouse in their final days on such a personal bases.
I will be taking Jim back home to Illinois tomorrow to be buried by his parents and say my final goodbye. My two daughters will be going with me...and when I return, I will get my star and try to help others when I can and answer any questions that will make this easier for them. Again, Joan...give yourself 5 stars for having this site...what a blessing you are to all of us.
Ok, I am crying enough for everybody! You did well, Judith. He got to be at home with you and have the personal moments together that you need before you close the book on that chapter of your life. I am even envious of how well it went and pray for everyone to have the closure you made and found for yourself. Hugs and condolences, dear one.
To Judith and everyone else who has shared their very personal and important moments with us.
You will probably never know how much comfort you will bring to those of us who's journey has not yet ended by teaching and preparing us for how it can be done with both class and dignity. You just cannot learn these lessons anywhere else.
THANK YOU! You have helped more people than you know.
Judith, so sorry to hear of your loss, but my thanks to you for letting us share in your private moments with your loved one. So hard to read about someone dying, at the same time a loving thing to do for those of us who have shared with you some of our good but mostly difficult moments. My thoughts are with you tonight.
Judith--I've been away for a few days and am now reading this thread and catching up with what has been going on. I'm also crying because although we've been at this for 7 years, the moment of Steve's actual death sometime in the future still seems surreal and--I must admit--scary to me. Reading how peaceful and meaningful the experience of your husband's passing was, I am so grateful that you posted about it. Thanks for sharing and I wish you peace.
My sincerest sympathies to you. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I only hope that in time, the bad memories of AD will fade, to be replaced by the good memories of your life together.
JudithKB, if you have not found your star yet, look on your key board and above the number 8 is a *. Hold down the SHIFT BUTTON and a star will appear, not the number 8. I just finished reading your post and it is a blessing to me, you and everyone that reads it. You are a special woman that gives lots of inspiration to all of us.
I send my condolences on the loss of your loving husband. I am just reading of his passing tonight. I pray for you and your precious family in the days ahead. Thank you for your inspiration. It is much appreciated..... hugs and love to you.....
I see your star JudithKB*, you were already a star and now you are double that. I am going to look at a 4 bed Adult Foster Home tomorrow, with the VA Social Worker. Just to look, as the facility I saw before was too institutional. After reading all that has happened to you and Jim, and your family, I am hoping it will not come to that. Just checking off my options.
I know you will never forget the beautiful moments of Jims passing. When my sister died, I held her and, and she let out one last soft breath. It also, was one of the best moments of my life, spending those last days with her, praying over her, talking to her, washing her face.