DH has become obsessed with the idea that our house is/was his parents and/or grandparents' house. I never contradict him; just go along. I have asked him if he remembered all the good times in this house and he always says yes, it was all good times. But then he thinks we may have to leave here since we're not supposed to be here. I told him it's okay for us to be here as long as we take care of it like it's ours. Today I asked if he wanted to vacumn the rugs and he said, "yes, we need to keep it clean like they did"! I don't know how else to handle this other than go with the flow!
Likewise regarding our car. Always wants to know where it is, who is driving it; I try to divert him fromt that subject as much as I can. He does tell me that I can drive it, but one else can.
This seems to be very common. My dh also regards this house in a different way, seems to be at home but always searching for the rest of his family. Last night when it was time for dinner he said, "let me go get her"???? He went back to den and other rooms searching but came back and said, "she must have left." I go along with everything; try to answer his questions the way he'd like.
Wants to know who drives our car. I tell him, "me" and that seems to satisfy him. Has he already forgotten I drove us somewhere the night before? That just astounds me the way the memory of things disappear from hour to hour.
Ysterday DH became obsessed about "whre's my car???" to the point of a soulful whine. Nothing could distract him-not seeing the car, sitting in the car, going for a ride, helping prepare dinner, etc. He has never disracted easily and when he becomes obssessive like yesterday it drives me crazy.
My husband asks, "Do we own this house? Is it ours? How long have we lived here? Have we lived here all the time or did someone else live here for awhile?" He seems satisfied when I tell him the truth. He never asks about driving the car, thank God. He used to.
I'm finding, though, that he's having a hard time remembering his children's early life. He can remember all of his aunts and uncles and the rest of his family, but he can't even remember which child he's looking at when I show him a picture. This is astounding to me. I know this is part of the disease but I'm having a difficult time adjusting to it.
I've about reached the end of my "going with the flow" today. This has been going on all afternoon. Same as Bev and LFL - same questions. Then wanted to know where the guns were??? WHAT??? The only guns he has ever had is a BB gun and a pellet gun. But I told him he sold them at a yard sale. Then when our mower came over to mow, I gave him both of them. Hadn't thought of them in years! Now he wants to get the car out of storage so we can use it.
My DH went through all this just before he went ino the NH...now he never asks, I guess it's because he's not here to see the house. I used to tell him it's ours, we had it built, showed him photos of it getting built...he was happy with that for a while, then he would start on it again the next day...say we are going to get thrown out if we don't leave...or how much are we paying to stay here. I probobly could have handles it better. Your doing a great job of handling it Vickie..
You ARE handling it well, Vickie. I try to do what you're doing but I find it so hard not to tell the truth, but it is getting easier with each passing year. As for guns, he used to collect old BB guns, and he had a small gun someone gave him. My kids got those out of the house as soon as we had a diagnosis of dementia. He didn't seem to care that they took them away and he's never asked about them.
Vickie - I wish I could "go with the flow" better than I do. Dh is obsessed with this house being moved or rearranged with the back part on the other end. It drives me nuts some days. Our son who is trying to understand az - good luck to him - thinks dh is confusing more than one house where we have lived and now they are one in this house. I'm too tired to analyze. Dh also wants to know where our Volkswagon is. We never owned one! Our daughter had a VK for about 24 hrs. before she totaled it long ago but we've never owned one. He also looks for "others" in the house. D@**# disease!
Oh, flo39, excactly like mine! Both with the house(s) and the car(s). Only one house, one car! It's so hard to deal with. Don't know the answer, just hope this phase goes away soon. Me too on the D**** disease!
My wife went through the period where she wondered how she was going to get home? Was I going to drive her?
What I find odd about some of the experiences of others here is that my wife didn't have a continuity of these things. Your husband remembers later that 'we have to keep it clean like they did' which means he has a working concept of what's what.
I think my wife was so afraid of this she just blocked everything out that didn't make sense and lived in the moment. We rarely talked about the strange things that happened. Only when I lost my way from frustration. She only once in all the years ever asked crying what was going to happen to her.
I think you're handling this perfectly. And my heart goes out to you that in the losses you have had to and are suffering you may not have someone who spends their life helping you through it. You're a good woman Vickie and your husband is a lucky man.
Well personally I think everybody that even comes here should get a medal. You only come to a site like this when you're trying to face it and I honestly believe no matter what mistakes we make (or in my case absolute tantrums at times), it's still says a lot about character.
Every romance novel ends if there's marriage. (what?!!???) But when two people share their lives, that is where the realities of love begins. Any fool can fall in love. Maintaining love in the full face of reality where you learn the other person hides their dirty socks under the bed - isn't apparently romantic. Who knew?
This is still going on about the house. He is in bed but just asked me if we are leaving in the morning to 'go home'. I told him we are staying for awhile and he wanted to know where the office is so he can make the arrangements for us to stay. Told him we already did that but we'll go see them in the morning. This gets so tiring! At least he can still go to the bathroom by himself - but that's about all!
Sounds like you are doing the right thing to me. I remember the last few talks my dh and I had were very strange like your dh. He really couldn't carry on a conversation with me or anyone. One night he said to me out of the blue...."They are having a prayer service for Mildred tonight" and I didn't know what to say I didn't know anyone named Mildred...so I asked him who Mildred was because I just wanted to see what he would say. He said..."you know Mildred..Bob's wife" well that still meant nothing to me. So I just said ..."well, that is nice" too bad we couldn't go. I always tried to see the humor in these kind of exchanges. As he kept getting worse so fast I was grateful he didn't know what was going on around him except for just every once in awhile. If there was no pain...it made me feel good. I really don't think he even knew he was going to die...I found that a blessing and it made it so my easier for me.
vickie those comments are like a fracture line in a fault zone huh? ha. always laying more stress on top of what already is there. its not easy to try to resist these repeats but you are doing a fabulous job. try to tune it out if possible, i know not easy. the going home as we know is one of the widespread commonalities in AD victims as we have seen here. i got to where i would just answer yes or no or we will see. too much explanation just bounces off you.:) and still wont register. maybe it is time for another up the anty on the meds. they tend to get used to the doses and need adjustments sporadically. divvi
Vickie, you are taking the right response in not challenging him but reassuring that all is taken care of. I know it is tiring but have no recommendations for that aspect of the disease.
Vickie, I don't think there is any other way to handle these questions. You do it the way I do it. Usually dh wants to go back "to the house" in the evening but last night it happened at 3 AM!. He woke me saying he had to get back. I played along and said it would be best if he rested longer and took care of it in the morning. No Way. He was up and getting dressed. I couldn't do a thing except let him. He went into the den, turned on the TV and dozed off. I kept checking because I was afraid he would leave the house. Probably forgot why he got up. I know how you feel after answering the questions; it is tiring and after a while you feel like you are in their world.