My husband is spending his first night in NH. I knew it was coming but I can't believe I am really home alone. I spent his first 9 hours there
with him. I was prepared to spend the night if needed but decided I was too exhausted to do that. I hope he is a good resident, although I
know he won't be. My dear dear sister and BIL were here for the 2 weeks he has been in the hospital, our daughter drove 2 hours here and back just to be
with us on this day, and my best friend came along too. I couldn't have asked for a better support group to be with me, I am so blessed. I had
put us on wait lists at my preferred facilities last year (best recommendation of all from my Alz support group) and I am happy to report he is
finally in our first choice place. I had to beg and plead and pay until medicaid is approved, and I am SOOO glad it worked, otherwise we only
had one grim option. If I had to leave him at Grimshaven I would have been a complete mess. His new home seems to know how to handle people like him and I trust them to care for him. He is treated with respect, people that work there seem to love it (so far as I have observed in one day and two tours), and I'm pretty sure I will feel good visiting him and all of the other veterans at the Colorado state veterans home in Denver. What a journey! I am home alone at 1 am cleaning house with reckless abandon. It is such a sad disease, I have cried more in the past two weeks than in my whole life, I think. But I must say I am happy to be done cleaning up spit (especially this!!!), changing depends, washing him,
dressing him, feeding him, sitting him down, lifting him up, fending off his swats, etc, etc, etc. You know what I'm saying here. While he
was in the hospital I had time to take our dog for a walk - alone. It was amazing not to be pushing the wheelchair while holding back our
exuberant border collie and worrying if he (and me) would have a good nights sleep. Alone on that night I felt as if a 133 lb weight had been
shifted off of me (I guess it is only 121 lbs now that the NH has weighed him). I ache for the pain of his adjustment because I have loved that
ornery man for 34 years but I have done all I could and now I want to go camping and watch the perseids meteor shower this weekend and let someone else do that while I start the next stage of my life. Months ago a friend talked me into reserving a spot at Rocky Mtn National Park this weekend and I couldn't be happier. It is now the next stage in both of our lives and I will honor it watching meteors (please be a cloudless night). Now if he behaves so badly they kick him out of this place I might need a divorce.
Frankswife, many of our members have or are contemplating placement of their spouses here. we must do what is best for us and them. if we are exhausted with our own health issues then sometimes the decisions cant wait and our need for the continual help they would get from a facility is a must. its super you have a weekend planned out in nature. and i am sure your lovely little border collie is enjoying the time with you and the walks. now its time to care for yourself and get that spark of joy back into your life at some level. your DH will be cared for and you are his advocate in all things, so the job isnt done just shifting to a lesser amount of time. hoping he adjusts and you get your personal times to begin loving life. my best divvi
Frankswife--I am happy for you and hope you will find that it is an amazing gift to "get your life back". One year after placement, I am still unable to take anything about this new freedom and the ability to start to pick up the pieces of my former life for granted. My health has improved and although the sadness of what it happening to Steve is still there, at least now I know that he is well taken care of and I can nurture myself after years of forced neglect of my own needs.
I think that, after years of focusing all our attention on our AD spouse, it's very difficult to change gears. A couple weekends ago, I went out of town without him to attend a wedding - gone for 3 nights & 4 days. I thought I'd be in heaven al that freedom; not so, I missed him & couldn't relax. Downright pathetic & revealing.
That's about the way I am when he's at daycare or a few hours 2-3 day a week, Mothert. It is pathetic, isn't it?? I'm slowly getting used to it - but it's interrupting our routine - his and mine! LOL
Frankswife, I am glad to hear how things are going for you. Not glad for the lonleness, but for the rest. I am glad you have plans to have fun. I would like that but have not done much of that since placing my dh. Yes, the nights get lonley but that is ok because he is fine where he is and I am getting a better nights rest. Hang in there, things will be what they are,,,,, some days good, others bad.... but at least the weight of the problems are not on our shoulders anymore and we are better able to make decisions now that we are not so overloaded with 24/7 caregiving..... Hope you have a great weekend.....