My 83 y/o father was driving with my wife in the passenger seat. While he was waiting at a light to make a left turn, my wife reaches over and unhooks her seat belt for reasons known only to her. Barely did dad finish the turn and the red light appears behind him. The highway patrol pulls him over and cites him for an unbelted passenger. Dad tries explaining wife’s dementia but to no avail, it ends with a $165 ticket.
You can appear in person or send in an explanation and get a trial by mail. Even though it was dad’s ticket a personal appearance would have meant a day off work for me so we send in the money and some documentation.
We sent an explanation of what happened describing how we all TRY to keep her in her seatbelt. We included a letter from wife’s doctor saying she has AD and that she can have “erratic and unpredictable behaviors”. We also included a complete copy of “Understanding the Dementia Experience” with the paragraphs related to the appropriate unpredictable behaviors clearly highlighted.
It has been over 2 months since we sent the check and since it had been cashed we figured they decided against us, then today a letter comes saying the judge has rendered a decision of not guilty(!)
WOW, for once an explanation of the many problems of dealing with dementia finally came through.
that is good news that someone of authority is understanding the dementia experience. i would be concerned though that your elderly dad is driving with wife upfront next to him driving. many of us have had our loved ones grab the wheel or key out of ignition. it may be a good idea to have him transport her in the back seeat strapped in out of reach for his safety while driving and hers. they can be very unpredictable as we know -my DH opened his door on the freeway and thank goodness he was strapped in, another time he grabbed the steering wheel and turned it thank goodness i was a stop light and lastly he grabbed my wrist while i was driving causing me to swerve. its no joke they can cause an accident even if not driving. better safe than sorry. glad to hear you dont have to pay that ticket. divvi
The system worked! Where do you live ? A Judge who actually read your plea on a traffic ticket and ruled in your favor, must be a first. Make sure he gets re-elected if he's running this year! I was lucky under similar circumstances, no citation, just a stern lecture given to DW by an officer who has a family ember with AD. No battles over her seat belt after that
I would not be surprised if that judge has first hand experience with dementia. More than one person I've talked with on a business call has told me he/she have some family member with dementia when I explain my reason for speaking for my dh. So nice to hear someone in authority has paid attention. He may be up for re-election ;)
Divvi – Actually dad drives a pick up truck so there is no back seat ;-) Because we were ejected from daycare, mom & dad watch Rita at their house 7AM-noon and then bring her back to our house to be with the home care folks until I come home at 6:30. At 54, with a new house, I gotta keep working and they can’t handle her for 12 hours. She STILL has crying fits that last for hours and sometimes she is calmed by going for a ride in the car so dad sometimes takes her and just ‘drives around’ doing errands and stuff. This is what was happening when he got the ticket.
California law has a ‘health’ exemption to wearing seat belts. If you have a doctor’s note saying you ‘cant’ wear seat belts then you don’t have to. The exemption is intended for situations such as orthopedic problems but I figured why not try pleading a cognitive problem? I was prepared to bring the wife into court and let her ‘explain’ to the judge in her aphasic gibberish what happened (and perhaps she would also have a crying fit while she was there too?) but for pure time efficiency I decided to just put it all in writing. California courts are underfunded and very crowded and I know they can quickly become biased against you if they think you are wasting their courtroom time so letters can have an advantage too.
I doubt that a real ‘judge’ actually reviewed the case. Again because of case load there are a lot of commissioners, judge pro tems, practicing lawyers hired for the day and once I pleaded a parking ticket to a sheriff’s deputy. He said "I don’t care what the law says, I think you are guilty".
Refund? They ALWAYS cash the check right away. The not guilty letter says a refund will be forthcoming.
Finding someone who has personal experience with dementia? We are refinancing the house. It of course is in the trust. The loan company insisted that they had to take the house out of the trust make the loan and then put it back into the trust. (I donno maybe they had to?) In any event, a notary came to our house with a stack of papers to sign. I told her up front it might be a problem because wife can’t sign. She did need copies of our driver’s licenses so I went into the other room to scan and print them. While I was gone the notary ‘talked’ to my wife. I expected to find her head spinning after that, instead I returned to the room to find her talking perfect gibberish to an ALZ person!
Turns out her grandmother has AD. Unlike those people who know all about AD because they visited their grandparent in the SNF 2 states away twice in the last 3 years, she has been actively involved with her Grandmother’s AD! She told me all about how grandpa got a girlfriend - which doesn’t bother her in the least because she says grandma is ‘just a shell’. The only problem is that the girlfriend was the nurse, and he bought the nurse a diamond ring and a new car!!! So they had to take the money away from grandpa. She also told me about her experience with board & cares in the area. She really knew AD. I was shocked.
After talking to my wife she told me would not allow her to sign anything because she recognized that my wife did not know what she was signing. The notary considered that to be wrong, but did say that another notary might accept the signature. I then dug up the POAs and that was acceptable to her and allowed me to sign.
I thought it was nice that as a notary she would protect the interests of the dementia person. There are too many who would knowingly take advantage of an ALZ person. So, there are A FEW people who get it.
My attorney gave me a list of things to do, and one of them was to contact that mortgage company and see about moving the house into the trust.
I guess I could have her do it, but I feel like I've already paid a small fortune to get the will, trust, POA & living wills done.
I will have to dig out the letter she gave me with the different directions ... because I know she said something about not placing it in the trust if they charge a lot of fees to do it. Ugh, I hate this stuff.