Just wondering if any of you have heard of the term "ambiguous loss". I just finished reading an excellent book "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" by Pauline Boss. She developed the theory of ambiguous loss, which is exactly what we are all experiencing -- our loved ones are physically here, but psychologically not here. It has really helped me to have a term I can refer to when I'm feeling the loss so acutely. She discusses the "good enough" relationship which I think helps to reframe our experiences in trying to enjoy whatever aspects remain of our loved ones. My DH still loves music and little children -- the two aspects of his personality which originally attracted me to him. I have tried to capitalize on that by getting him to musical events and making sure we see our granddaughters as much as their parents' time allows.
There is also a --website -- http://ambiguousloss.com which has some good articles. I'd be interested in feedback from anyone who cares to comment.
Yes, I heard of it at a support group. Originally referred to people with close family members who were MIA in Vietnam. It referred to the person being gone but no body to prove that they are dead. Then Ms. Boss applied it to dementia where the body is present but not the mind.