I wrote a poem and I read it to my girlfriend and she suggested that I put it on facebook but I am not sure that it is diplomatic enough! It is called WHAT IS MISSING?
Do you have a husband that loves you? I don't Do you have a husband who spends quality time with you? I don't Do you get to spend time in intimate moments with your husband? I don't Do you have a husband who takes care of you physically, mentally and spiritually? I don't Would you want to trade places with me for any length of time? What did you say? I don't! Do you have a large family to be with and share things with? I don't Do you go shopping with your sons or daughter-in-laws? I don't Do you see and play with your grandchildren when they come to visit? I don't Do you get in your brand new car when ever you want to and go somewhere? I don't What was that...? You say I lead a very lonely life and you couldn't do what I do. You're right! I have--- but not really--- 3 sons, 3 daughters-in-law, 5 grandchildren Don't judge me unless you want to know what I am really going through! If you are interested in knowing instead of judging let me know...otherwise Respectfully, Keep your mouth shut!
Thanks, everyone. I can't believe how much people are still talking trash about my situation! If they see me cry, I am being a selfish cry baby and they still, after 5 years still think I am making it all up. "It is not really that bad" "You should think of your poor husband, you are just being selfish" Blah Blah Blah!!! If they are saying things like that now just wait until after his neuro appt. when I ask him to help me get him into a nursing home because I am afraid of his actions and lock myself in the bedroom at night with a cell phone. Of course they don't know anything about that because I have been taught not to say anything negative about my husband because I don't want anyone to not respect him so...I don't talk about anything negative.
I like it. I would only correct some grammar..that is in a few spaces rather than I don't an I can't might fit a little better...and the meaning is the same...I know I had one of the English teachers that pounded stuff like that into me.....Sr Madonna...everyone was scared to death of her ( she also taught latin) but she is the teacher we all remember the most! I like every bit of your poem..you said it well and right to the point...and who the hell cares how diplomatic we are on our FB pages..I just posted something called Alzheimer's and Crab Grass..got a couple of replies but most people just ignored it. It goes where they don't want to.. My philosophy now is don't suffer fools, be direct. That doesn't mean be rude but don't put up with crap. We don't have the time or energy for it anymore. So to quote my DH.." To hell with it, feed the parrot another seed!" You have given me an idea to do something similar on my FB page that fits our situation more closely...I don't have the fears of my DH, at least not yet, but one never knows about these changes until they happen. I might just post something on my FB page to get the attention of the girls who read my FB page....maybe they will start to wake up...
Thank you Mimi and Mary, I have never written a poem before and I was surprised that I had it in me but look at the inspiration that I have had! All these fine caregivers that have gone through this before me, I have learned from all of them on this site and also from my own experiences. I have been going through all the emotions, the whole gammat of them. I am with you Mimi on the fact that I don't even have time to be diplomatic or play nicey nice with people anymore. As long as I am not rude I should be able to speak my mind. So, you all have inspired me to put this on my facebook page and on my twitter page as well. I will look at the grammer :) I also had an english teacher in third grade that was a bear! haha Thanks again for the encouragement! What would I do without any of you?
Deb, I agree with Mimi about the grammar ... I was mentally editing it as I read it. Love your raw emotions ... and you really tell it like it is for many of us.
Poetry often flows naturally, but that does not mean poetry is not written and rewritten ... poets work at their craft to make it the best it can be. You don't want your readers to stop at an awkward phrase or misspelling.
You need to make the "I don't" fit with the question above it, so change the "Does your husband take care ..." to "Do you have a husband who takes care ..." Then the refrain, "I don't" makes sense.
Where you write "What did you way?" I think you mean, "What did you say?"
When you switch to asking "Can" - you either have to say "I can't" in the refrain, or rephrase the question to ask "Do you go shopping ... ?" And then "I don't" makes sense.
And "your right" should be "you're right."
Just a little spit and polish and it will read much better, I promise. I'm a former English teacher and present-day writer.
ms. magic, thank you so much for your help! I didn't think I would be interested in writing poetry but with everyone here telling me how it is I am second guessing that suggestion my friend made about writing a book of poems. Hmmmmm!
ms. magic, that you again for your help. I thought about the hypens between that too but hadn't done it yet. What I meant by that is, I have those people in my life but they don't come and see me. I haven't even seen 4 of my grandchildren at all except for in pictures on facebook. I have 3 daughter-in-laws, ergo the plural. I will put in on facebook and let it speak for itself and hopefully it will do some good.
You pluralize daughter-in-law by adding the "s" to daughter, not to law.
I am so sorry about your grandchildren ... that must hurt. We have 2 grandchildren via my stepdaughter, and she doesn't even consider me their "real" grandmother! In fact, the younger one, last time we saw her (almost 2 years ago) asked me if DH and I were married. And she was about 8 at the time ... so old enough to know. My stepdaughter does cruel things - like on Mother's Day, my birthday, etc. I never get a card saying grandmother - I get a very generic one from all of them, if I get any at all. (This year I didn't.) But DH gets two cards - one that says "Grandpa" from the grandkids, and one from his daughter & SIL. I've never said a word to her about it, because I don't want her to know she's succeeded in hurting my feelings.
We have a grandson via my younger daughter, and he is the light of our lives. As far as her is concerned, DH is his "papa" -- and my daughter would never think otherwise.
Make sure you come back and tell us how people reacted to your poem. I hope it gets through to them - but sometimes selfish people just can't be reached.
ms. magic, I am sorry to say that so far the only response I have gotten is from my kids , they took what I said the wrong way! What I meant was the yes, I have 3 boys, 3 daughters-in-law and 5 grandchildren but they live so far away that I never see them. I have 4 of my grandchildren that I have never met so I FEEL like I don't have them. My oldest son and his wife spoke for all the others and they didn't even acknowledge what I am going through they just made it sound like it was my fault that I haven't been around. How am I suppose to have been able to go see them. I have no money, no car, and a husband that I can't leave at home while I go visiting, and I can't take him because he doesn't want to go.
As far as everybody who I wanted to read the poem...I don't even know if they have read it yet so I am going to keep it on facebook but I think you are right I think that some people just can't be reached and I also think that is very sad. Based on that one fact alone why would anyone not understand me when I say that I am lonely!!!!
No one can truly understand except us that take care of an AZ spouse. We understand.
Most people in this world it seems, (including myself though now I am changing), just don't want to own up to anything other than they are right. That is one thing, but it really hurts doesn't it that our loved ones and friends just simply CANNOT understand how much we hurt?. Yesterday I almost yelled and snapped at a friend on the phone, because, when I told her I may have to stop doing my really really hard work for awhile due to difficult circumstances, her reply was...'Well HOW WILL YOU SUPPORT YOURSELF"
I said, "It is more important that I don't TOPPLE OVER AND FALL AND DIE FROM STRESS than how the hell am I going to make money!!!"
People mainly think what THEY are going through, it is just the way of the world yeah?
But little lights do shine through here and there, and I want you to know, I understand, and I am sorry for you pain.
msmagic: Boy...do I know what you mean. My dh's kids don't even acknowledge him except on rare occasions...and never, never do they have anything to do with me. But, my dh and I care so much about each other that we can and have lived through this and feel it is their lose not ours. I know it still hurts and it isn't right...but, it probably will never change so you have to try and file that one away some place where the hurt can't get to you.
Your heart is in the right place an they have no heart.