When my good widow friend asked me to go on an all inclusive vacation to a Mexican resort with her and her family I was inclined immediately to say no but after urgings by my family I decided to try a trip without my DH for the first time. I went and although it was not the same as going with my love i did manage to have an enjoyable time in the sun and just basically resting, eating, and reveling in the beautiful surroundings. However upon arrival home, I was faced with the news that my DH who is in a nursing home, had been in an accident and had to go to the ER at the hospital. Thank God, my son and my daughter had gone to be with him at the hospital and had stayed , then returned to the nursing home with him. My husband had a bad fall in 2004 resulting in hematomasand had to have an operation on his skull to releave pressure of fluid buildup. He recovered but the neurologist told us that he would have to be watched and not fall again. On this particular day, the CNA had been giving him a shower, in which she should have had two people, with a lift, to shower him. He cannot stand alone. She LEFT him alone toget supplies she should have had at the shower and he fell, injuring his head, scraping his arm and left buttocks resuling in terrible bruises. My son after being informed, had my husband sent to the ER of our chosen hospital, and met them there. He stayed with my husband, for the necessary cat scan, x=rays, etc. and then returned to the nursing home with him. Needlesss to say, the staff was very upset, fired the CNA, and tryed to smooth over the incident. My son is a lawyer, well known as he has been a judge, a state representative; He is insisting on written documentation of the incident, and wants to make sure if we can that this type of negligence idoes not happen with other residents.
I feel terrible that I wasn't here but my son said it was better that I wasn't informed of the accident as I couldn't do anything and I wouls have insisted upon coming home. I will probably not take any trips out of town for a long while. I now don't want to be very far away from my sweetheart. I just don't understand why he must live such a miserable existence for such a long time. He has been through so much, and continues to suffer. Life is such a tenuous thread that can be so sad for some of us.
Carewife, I am so sorry your husband got hurt! Wouldn't you know this had to happen the very first time you went anywhere alone too. I fear the same would happen with me, and haven't been brave enough to do so. But, I have been looking, JUST looking into the care giver cruises.
I have been thinking on this a bit before I posted a reply. I hate when people try to put a positive spin on something that is really troubling me. Having said that, I can't help but think how wonderful it is that your children stepped in and took care of everything. They have proved that are able and willing to step up to help when needed. Though you are upset, and rightly so... maybe you could try to go on respite again, knowing your husband was in excellent hands.
thannk you Nikki for your understanding and kind words...yes i have wonderful children and am so blessed to have them. It was heart rending to see my husband's bruises when I went to see him. He tried so hard to tell me what had happened and he looked so forlorn that I just gathered him in my arms and held him while I cried. I so wish I could have the money to bring him home and have full time help. But I cannot care for him myself and over all he has good care at the nursing home when his regular CNA is with him. I just mourn for him as he was ....he was such a vital , intelligent, self confident man and now he must rely on others to care for him.
Oh carewife my heart is breaking for you!! I can only try to imagine what that must have been like for you, seeing your poor husband banged up and bruised. Your reply brought tears to my eyes, but a tender smile too, at the deep love you had and still have for your husband. I'll be thinking of you, Nikki
Your son is right. You needed the rest desperately, and he was there to step up and take charge of the situation.
However, I can fully imagine the depth of your pain upon returning home, and seeing your precious husband in that sad, confused, bruised condition. Please know that we are all surrounding you with love and understanding - it is all we can do in the face of this dreadful disease.
carewife - it is so sad that your DH was injured, but it reminds me of briegull trying to get respite. It is so difficult to leave our spouses for a few minutes sometimes, for our own needs to get respite. I hope your DH will recover fully from the injuries, but of course, they never can recover from the AD. How wonderful to have your children to help out. I would like to go to the support group that meets for 90 minutes tomorrow, but I'm not sure I will do it. Most likely my DH would just sleep all the time I was gone, but if he wakes he probably wouldn't be able to remember where I was and that is the rub. I'm pretty sure he would be panicked. He is to the point I don't think he could read a note, and a lot of the time he isn't sure if the time of day is AM or PM.
briegull - In a lucid moment this morning my DH said I should go to the Support Group and he would be fine. I did write down the time I would be home and went! I can't remember the last time I actually left him, though he feels he is in familiar territory now that we have returned to the town of our last home. I think I paid for this 'time out' because I'm pretty sure he wasn't willing to rest/sleep while I was away. I will be so glad when we see the surgeon on Thursday, since I can't imagine someone with just gallbladder problems acting like he is! He is so agitated at times. Thankfully, it only lasts an hour or so at a time before he has worn himself out.
Briegull: I have been reading your postings concerning your DH and his health. Is he still in the hospital? As I undertand your situation, your husband has not had a Alzheimer's diagnosis yet. Is he cooperating with the hospital staff now? I live considerable miles from my husbands nursing home so can't go everyday. My childrren and I are calling everyday to ascertain that Earnie is recovering and has not had a recurrence of the hematomas and brain injury he suffered a few years ago. I do sympathize with you that the one time you go to get some rest , your husband gets ill. I know how you feel; that you are afraid to leave him for any length of time now. I am not wanting to leave my husband again but I also know that I must take care of myself . I have the blessing of having a wonderful son and daughter who will watch over my husband if I am again gone.
I do think of you and hope you will again try to get away for awhile when you feel all stressed out. You are just beginning this journey with your husband and it is a long, arduous one. You will need to think of your own health so that you can take care of your dear one.