What to do when dh begins to gather things to "take home" in the evening. Last night he got all the magazines from his chair side table and put on the cabinet so he could put them in the car. We've lived here 26 years! I wonder if home is across town at our other house which now is gone and a bank is there or is it the old farm where he grew up. Any suggestions as what to say or how to distract him. He doesn't give up all evening he is wanting to "go home" and find E that is me and I'll tell him I'm E and he says I mean the other E. This goes on until bedtime. He sleeps in 2 hour increments and is up wanting to dress and go to work. This has gone on for three or four nights and I'm exhausted. I used to look forward to bedtime and rest and now I dread evening time. Getting ready for bed is an exercise of putting his toothbrush and toothpaste and mouth wash on the vanity - shaving things next then starting the shower water. If I don't push this he may shave three times in a row or rebrush his teeth. any suggestions will be appreciated. I expect this is normal ? behavior for his stage. But I need help!
My dh hadn't gotten to the point of packing up his stuff but he was determined to go to work and if I didn't drive him, he would drive himself. Like you, I was beside myself so I called the pcp who prescribed a low dose of Paxil. Dr. said I could double the dose to 20 mg. if needed. That was in April. Two 2 weeks before Paxil really kicked in. Since then he has been very docile and hasn't spoken about work. I know he doesn't feel at home here even though we have lived in this condo for 12 yrs. I don't think he even remembers our former home.
This morning he took all his underwear out of dresser and placed on chair. Maybe he is thinking of packing up. I didn't say anything. When he wasn't looking, I just put the stuff back. He never knows where his clothes are...I have to give him clothes.
What a disease. The other day I was assembling a cherry pie. DH said his wife should help me. I wonder who he thinks I am.
Someone else on this site had your problem with the packing and wanting to go home. They just let them pack up, go to bed and then put the stuff back. Night after night. It was a lot easier singing lullabies to babies, wasn't it?
I am sure someone will come along with good advice. In the meantime, hang in there.
For at least 6mo. my DH has been packing to go home. Every morning I put all his clothes back where they belong. I finally realized he is talking about his childhood home. At first I would tell him it was too far away and he would get upset with me. Ichanged tactics and ask him to please don't leave me and he says OK, that he wants to take care of me.Seems to be working, I don't know how long this stage will last, but I am getting weary of putting his things away. Of course,in the morning he has forgotten all about it.He is still loading his pockets with all kind of junk. He had a whole bunch of large staples in them the other day and kept complaing his legs were sore but wouldn't take them out. He is very possessive of his junk. One day it was all toothbrushes and toothpaste.The Dr.laughs, said she doesn't know of any fix for the problem.If you come up with one,flo39,please clue me in.
I basically let Lloyd do whatever makes him happy. With the heat the way it has been, I never take him outside except for church on Sunday. When he has gone out, he has really suffered afterward. Before we got the double keyed deadbolt Lloyd would slip out and head for his parents' home - the last place he lived with them. The only thing I have to watch is everyone's shoes in the rack by the door. He likes to run off with them.
I guess there's something to be said for the posterior cortical atrophy version, where they lose their visuospatial abilities early. If he could see and manipulate things at this point, heaven knows what he'd be into.
flo, we have the same problem here-sometimes it's better than others. When it's bad, DH gets up in the middle of the night, goes thru all his clothes and shoes, packs and wants to go home. He makes a total mess of the bedroom. And he has never been one to distract easily. Sometimes I tell him I'll bring him home in the am, but he usually doesn't forget that I promised to take him and that creates other problem behaviors. We're working with a geri-psychiatrist on an out patient basis to adjust his meds so he will sleep thru the night again. He's on seroquel and neurontin and she's added trazadone at night and given me a prescription of Xanax to use as needed. It's only been a week and we have yet to break the waking at night cycle, but he doesn't seem to be packing anymore.
I too recall you were considering a psych unit stay?
Yesterday p.m. he was better didn't ask about home too much. And the night was better except for getting up once but it could have been a mess as he just stood by the bed ready to "go" Thankfully I woke up and steered him to the bathroom. So thankful to only get up once so maybe the meds are beginning to work. One evening when he was roaming and wanting to go home we got in the car to go get our mail as we live a ways from the street after he got it from the mailbox I drove through a housing addition nearby and then back to our drive and announced we were home. This may work again if he gets worked up too much. Last night when it was bedtime I found on his vanity everything from his shower tray even the used soap. I guess he was packing but forgot about it later on. Thanks for all your response. I don't know how I'd cope without this message board. I thought it was sundowning but everyone seems to be different as are the victims of this **%%&& disease.
That was quick thinking on your part flo39...to drive around a bit and let him think he's now home. Hope it work again if you have to do it. Dh was like that before placement...every night he wanted to go home...maybe he's home now.
Well tonight it was a meeting he needed to attend tomorrow. He kept insisting we leave this #%&*# place and go "home". He finally told me to call the sheriff(?) and tell him he wouldn't be at the "meeting" in the a.m. So I did just that (to a dial tone) and he has seemed to settle down and I hope sleep awhile. This is nuts! But I'll be thankful if I get to sleep tonight.
flo39,my DH has been packing and wanting to go home for at least 6mo.When I ask him what home, he says you know, the one on the hill. So I assume he means his childhood home.Every morning I put his clothes away.At first, he would get real angry when I would say we couln't go. But now I switched tactics and say do you really want to leave me,I try to act real sad,he says " I wouldn'y leave you,I love you" and that't the end of it for that day.OH, ihave untie all the knots in the clothes before I put them away, he has a thing for tying knots in everything. It's amazing what I find tyied in his clothes.
I have a picture framed and hanging on our bedroom wall of Lloyd and his brother with their parents standing beside an old car when they were small. I have another of us when we were very young. He seems to find a lot of comfort in those pictures. Maybe if you could find some old pictures to frame, they would be that link to his past he seems to be looking for.