Terry54 and anyone else, please feel free to share I just updated the post with my name and copyright so if you print it it will appear. Thank you again for the kind words.
Thanks once again for your beautiful poem. I'm reading this at 1 a.m I thought I'd fall right asleep because I'm so tired but my brain just wouldn't shut down. So I'm up trying to connect with the only folks who would understand. I want this to be over but the only way it will is for him to be gone. No happy ending.
Thanks again for the kind words. I am glad that I might be able to put into words the way we all feel. Thank goodness we have a place like this to talk about it. Thank you Joan.
Those were the words that stuck out most, the ones that came screaming at me as I was driving alone one day, the ones that brought on the child like torrent of tears.
FEELING LOVED......Just this evening my DH just said " Have I told you lately that I love you?" and I said of course you have...then he said " Good. I really do. You are my favorite person."
Sheri, tears as I read the poem. I ck your blog daily. Thanks for sharing.
Mimi....when I asked dh who is was yesterday, he replied....my favorite one! Your comment made me smile again. When I ask him who I am, he never says,wife. One day I was best friend or lover or maid or nurse......
I'm guess I'm lucky. I still feel the love from him, and he says it often, and also says how much he appreciates what I do for him. Mind you, there are times when he's angry, but I still know he loves me. The problem is: My love for him is so different and I feel guilty about this.
Bev, I know exactly what you mean. My DH also says he loves me & thanks me for helping him. He gets angry too, but not like when he went thru the raging stage. I love him too, but it IS different & I also feel guilty........well maybe the word guilty is wrong, I feel more sad than guilty.
I think it is a natural change, this love thing for our spouse who is now totally dependent on us for everything..WE love our children in a different way than our spouse but when our spouse essentially becomes a child in a big suit, how can we be expected to feel all wine and roses when we are picking up after them, answering 20 questions all over again...it is just a shift but does not mean we don't love them...we just don't have that same ol chemistry anymore...how on earth are we supposed to get all " hot and bothered" for the guy who is no longer the lover and now is well in so many ways childlike?
Elaine - I still feel guilty... There is a deep sadness about other parts of my life, and his, but the love part is so very different, I feel terribly guilty. I love him deeply, but not in the way he wants and not in the way it used to be for me. I guess after I typed this and re-read it, it really is sadness.
Sad is my feeling for him at this time. He is no longer the strong one in this union but the dependent one in all ways. I've loved him for over 60 years and that will always be. I just long for things to be like they were but that is wasted time for of course it can never be.