I sent this before but got no responses and couldn't even track down my original comments. So I again ask if it's o.k. that I found this funny? Yes, I learned something when this happened, but I had to laugh at this apparition without teeth and in his shorts (the kind he wears to bed). I didn't laugh in front of him. Is this cruelty on my part ?
I need to say that he was out there looking for me. but when I went across the street to visit a neighbor for 30 minutes. He had gone to bed and I was certain that he would remain there. So much for not expecting the unexpected!
You can't count on their staying in bed. I'd stay in bed until DH was asleep, then sneak out and within minutes he had followed me. But it's OK to laugh, sometimes things are just so darn funny.
midwestmn,Yes,laugh at much as you can. My Dr. says it's better for DH and myself.I try to find humor in all the stupid things he does.Like wearing his underwear backwards,having to hold up his jeans witth one hand all thee time because he has 10 lbs. of junk in the pockets(I did let that upset me for awhile),wearing two different shoes(we've gone shopping like that) and the list goes on and on,but it's better to laugh,because they do pick up on when you are upset and I know that puts him in a bad mood for quite some time. So when I laugh, he also starts laughing and doesn't feel so badly about his blunders.
I must be crazy because Lloyd is happy 99% of the time. He spends a lot of time wearing one shoe. I have to dress him every day, but he can get that one shoe on. I don't care. He only needs 2 on to go outside. He wore his Dallas Cowboys pajama pants for 2 days this week. He fought to keep them on...and won. Some things are just not worth it!
Oh, yes.I worked in the office of our park. Jean was able to stay home by himself then. I told him I was going to work and he could sleep in. Pretty soon a resident came to get me. Jean was walking around outside in his underwear looking for me. At least, I had a job where i could lock the door and go home. That's when I decided to take him to daycare. The first day there when I picked him up, he said that he thought he'd never see me again. Believe me, I could have cried. After a time, he really like it. They had a lot of activities and the volunteers all gave him a lot of attention. He loved to dance so when they had music, he was quite the popular guy.
My DD and I were just talking about this. She asked me last night if she was bad to laugh at some of the things her dad does. I said no, as long as we don't hurt his feelings it is ok to laugh. Many a time I have had to laugh to keep from crying. DH worries over his socks and shoes many times a day and will often walk through the house with his pant leg stuffed in his sock. For some reason that just cracks me up. The other is every weekday DH makes popcorn at 1:00. To watch Walker Texas Ranger, but for some reason known only to him. If baseball is on he can not make the popcorn. I have even asked him about it and he will tell me "no popcorn, baseball is on". Now I seem to find that a bit funny too......
yes, laugh - I'm not laughing at him but at Al as the dear writer of another blog says. I gave dh an undershirt to wear to bed instead of the usual t-shirt as our a/c is on the blink. He put his t-shirt over the undershirt and then put on two pairs of socks. Imagine all that and no a/c. I did persuade him to remove the extras. My son and I share the same quirky sense of humor and we don't dare look at one another when dh does something odd or we will laugh for sure.
Yes, if you don't laugh you will cry. I tell our friends that because when I tell some of the stories they are funny & I don't want them to feel that they can't laugh. Like when we are driving in the van & I see him looking out the window smiling & giving the thumbs up to someone, only to realize that it's the guy in the rear view mirror. (now come, on THAT is funny!)
blue, I can relate to the shoe obsession. My DH is continually tying & untying his shoes & sometimes he even takes them off & puts them right back on. He even sleeps with them on. When I told him that he should take them off at night so his feet can air out, he tells me that he can't, because then he can't walk. Of course a few times I tried to tell him that he doesn't need his shoes on to walk (silly me!)
Elaine, there are times that Lloyd sleeps with his shoes on, too. It's just not worth the fight. Every time he sees himself in a mirror anywhere, he looks like the cat that ate the canary and he dances. One day I went to mail some bills and pulled up the the mailbox and rolled down his window and handed him the envelopes. I thought for a second he would put them in the slot...until he saw himself in the rear view mirror. It's like finding his best friend! Sometimes I will tell him he is not allowed to play with that kid. He used to think it was his twin brother (he has no twin). Flo39, thank God they do such funny things sometimes. How else could we ever make it?
midwestmn--sorry this happened, but it sounds like it would be a wakeup call to you that it's no longer safe to leave him at home alone. When the disease reaches the point where they do something like leave the house in their underwear, it means their judgment is quite impaired and they could easily walk off and get lost. It's equivalent to leaving a toddler or small child alone. Thank goodness that didn't happen, but you never know about next time. It seems it's time to work out some arrangements like bringing help in/an adult day program, etc. to give you a chance to get out for some respite. There have been many previous posts here about people with dementia getting lost, and believe me, it's no picnic. The 4 hours my husband was lost were the worst in my life.
Midwestmn...All I can say is "double keyed deadbolts"! Lloyd used to run off and we used to send out the search parties and we always found him. My SIL installed double keyed deadbolts on the front door and no more running. You need a key to get in and out! One less thing to worry about.
How heartwarming your messages about being able and not guilty for seeing the funny side are! I've know in my heart that it's alright as long as it doesn't hurt him. And he can pick up on things that I don't expect him to. So I have to be careful. It seems like is memory is going fast now - and judgment. I didn't know about double key deadbolts. He would probably be insulted. Do you have to give your neighbors keys for the lock too so that if there is an emergency he could be let out?But getting him to wear what I want him to is getting to be time when he will dig in his wheels. Thanks to all of you who responded!
You guessed it Lori. That is where I am. One of my sons and his son are coming this afternoon for a couple of hours. We hardly ever see him (once every month or so). So it will be nice. We have 3 sons. Only one of them do we see regularly. It would be great if they lived closer. But I always said that we raise our children to let them go. I still think that's the way to go.
Lori, we don't live too far apart. About 50 miles. I'm reluctant to say the name of the town as then I could be identified possibly by people I wouldn't want to know it's me. The sons came this afternoon. One of the sons is so compassionate. The other one would be if we could see him more often 'Nice to hear from you.
My husband walked out of the house and down the street in his boxers that were too little for him a long time ago - so things were exposed. He insisted that he was dressed. We live in a very busy populated area with lots of children and I was afraid he would get in trouble as the young parets don't understand him.
When he was in the shower, I took all his "unsafe" clothes out of his room. I replaced them with those silky type shirts and shorts that are used by people who are into sports. I have shorts - no fly - just pull on, as well as long pants for the winter. Tee shirts - long and short sleeved. I bought them on the large side so there would be plenty of fabric to cover him as he is a big man.
He wears them to bed and doesn't change when he gets up. Wears them everywhere except to church.It is such a relief not to worry about him being in the wrong attire. We live in Florida so the life style is very casual and he sometimes is better dressed than the other people when we are out.
For the real cold weather, I bought him big sweat shirts and sweat pants - which he sleeps in as well. He wears diapers now, and don't think he would go out in just them - yet. I thought he would give me a bad time about the changeover and his missing clothes, but he likes these - feels like the young people on tv that are playing basketball. No more fights about what to wear like before.
midwestmn- You have no choice but to laugh. At least it relieves the stress! My husband used to put my clothes on top of his clothes. He would keep an eye out for anything with an elastic waist or made of a material that would stretch. Maybe he was making a fashion statement!
Lori- When you mention Willmar, it make me want to go on a pontoon ride around Green Lake in Spicer, and stop for a burger at little Melvyn's afterwards!
Pavanne, that is so funny! It really leaves you feeling confabulated and torn between concern for others and yet ready to burst out into laughter. He did say tonight that maybe he should go to the nursing home. He wondered if I would run around if he did. I am 79 so I'm sure I wouldn't do much running! He gets bored around here so maybe it would be more interesting at a home. I hate to think of the expense though. 'Not to speak of how lonely it would be for me.