I think that the biggest challenge that I have had lately is the Always ME attitude. He is so good in other ways and is really making an attempt to not let everything upset him. Today, I told Son that I would go to his house right after work to meet a man who is purchasing some furniture from Son. (He lives next store; it's not like he lives across town.) Son is camping and didn't want to miss the sale. This is the kind of thing that upsets DH. When I give time to someone else. I knew it would happen but it would have been unfair of me to tell Son no. He has been looking for a buyer for a month. So how do I keep being a part of my family without letting DH "get to me" every time an issue comes up. I do understand that he is home all day while I am at work and misses me.
I'm just curious how you all handle this. 1) keeping in contact with your family and not having to say NO when they really need help. And 2) defusing DS's anger when it happens. (It is more pouting than anger most of the time.)
Oh Mary in MT, I just had that happen to me today, but sadly he was upset because our year old granddaughter came over for an hour. He doesn't recognize our children or grandchildren anymore & the little one confused him. He kept telling me that he didn't have any babies or children. He finally went outside & walked over to the neighbor's house. (God bless my neighbor). This morning we went over to my daughter's house to drop something off & he started to complain to her that all he wanted was something to eat. I told him that we were going to go & get lunch. So I also have the opposite happening. He complains about me to our kids & sometimes to any one who he talks to. I haven't figured out how to handle it either. Maybe someone else here can tell us what they do.
I know this probably isn't much help, but I have come to see all these stages they go through - the irrationality, the ME ME ME stage, the clingy stage, etc. as the same as the developmental stages our children went through. Some are worse than others; each of us handles each stage differently. Some of us are able to grin and bear many of the stages. Others of us (i.e. - me) go nuts through each one.
I honestly have no answer how to handle the ME stage, except to get as much YOU time as you can away from him.
I think mine is in the ME stage too. I mean, he is not whiny and demanding, but just sits and waits for me to do all I do. I know he can not help it, but that does not stop me from once in awhile tearing at my hair and exclaiming, " I am trying to do it ALL and it is too MUCH!"
he gets a grumpy look for a minute and then he forgets.
I think the full moon is too active.... My DH is into the Military Channel or the History Channel..Last night we saw 3 different exposes of the assassination of JFK FOUR TIMES and when I asked if we could see something else he said, I am watching this.I said stupidly, we have seen this 4 times now...and it was NO we have not.
Tonight it was WW II and more Hitler and the death camps etc...
At 10 he goes to bed and now I am watching some old movie.....
When he isn't watching the same thing over and over and over, he is snoozing.
The only thing about the snoozing bit is I can get more housework done...filing, bill paying...and apart from the kittens, there is no excitement.
I fall into saying no, just to give (myself) the message that I matter too. My husband asks me to do something and I say I am busy right now, even if what I am doing is trivial. And then in a few minutes I go help him. But it still bothered me last night when he kept needing my help, and it seemed to have no meaning when I told him I was in a crunch to get a 70 page paper read for a student. He did need my help, but I was wishing for an apology or some appreciation. He has Lewy Body Dementia and is still in early stages--he still discusses politics and thinks he can manage fine on his own.
I remember the time I phoned my husband from the Emergency Department of the University Hospital to say that I was being admitted to have IV antibiotics for a facial deep tissue infection resulting from a spider bite. He was angry and said, "You're supposed to be with me." Talk about feeling alone.
Mimi...I think I have seen every WW II movie at least 5 times! Can recite lines which does bring a chuckle to both of us! A coping mechanism which has helped. Instead of leaving room to watch another TV while he is awake, I have wireless earphones I bought them a long time ago when I wanted to watch TV while in bed. I now sit near him listening to my program from the other TV and he gets to watch Tora,Tora for the 100th time. We are both happy.
As for the child like behavior. In our house it has gotten better...not as upset when grand children and others get "more attention". That only took about 10 years. lol Made me crazy when it first happened. I finally realized it was part of his disease which saved his life and my sanity!!!! Learned to treat him like the other children in the room...reinforced my love, told him he was the best and gave him a treat.