I was also very blessed to have married my BFF. I was sure we would be together 4EAE. Now many days are just ADIH. But he is till the LOML :) I KHYF, Joan - I miss my BFF, too!
Joan, You are so right about our BFF's. Even though Don didn't know who I was, When I walked into the room, I could always see the recognition in his eyes. I was someone to him, he just didn't know who. He still cared for and protected me until the bitter end. About 6 weeks before he died, he was still at the ALF. Another resident was acting up, hitting his door with his cane. Don held my arm, and said "go the other way". He was everything to me and always be. A better friend will never be.
DH has been my BFF for 17 years. Now, when I am excited about something and want to share the news ... I know he'll listen but won't remember. Or it gets too cumbersome to explain the back story. Sigh.
When I am hurt by someone, he would be the one I'd run to, so he could tell me it was OK, commiserate, hug me and cajole me into smiling. Now, I suffer the hurt in silence, because he can't quite grasp the idea of compassion.
DH was everything my first husband wasn't: generous, loving, giving, selfless, honest, intelligent, ambitious, self-motivated, romantic, intellectually curious, understanding, appreciative ... I could go on and on.
Us also for 40 years, 36 married. I try to keep the BFF attitude with DH. He still feel the same way also. However, BFF do not yell about everything, they do not pout to get their own way (well may be sometimes), they do not make us nervious all of the time, they do not forget that they just yelled at you and wonder why you don't feel like hugging them. They will be happy and hug, and then in the next breath get upset about some minor thing. It really is hard to keep the BFF relationship going when they are reverting in personality to a naughty pre-teen. This is related to my recent discussion about the ME Attitude and how to handle it.
I too married my BFF 35 years ago....and like Joan's he was all that and more...and now I am sick and sad seeing this marvelous man who once was so strong, ran faster than most 18 year olds on Physical Fitness Tests, could do 20 pull ups from a dead hang, was a gymnast, an aviator for more than 20 years now not know that the program he is watching was just finished for the second or third time, to see his once strong arms thin, his balance off, his walking very slow and his eating a constant challenge...to get him to eat..now it is more grazing, to hear him offer to help or run errands when he can't remember that he doesn't remember how to get some place or that he doesn't have the stamina to do the things he wants to help with...to see him not enjoying his books and magazines any more but for a cursory glance. And he can't remember the names of our two new kittens...Xena and Gabrielle....or just call them Zippie and Gabbie if that is easier...I should have named them both Cookie..our dear departed Cookie that we lost in April on Good Friday...
It haunts me to drive alone down the streets he knew so well and had to teach me the routes, or just going on errands that take me in directions in the country that we used to enjoy just going for rides on any given day..now he doesn't want to go...says he has been there...doesn't really want to go check the apricots on our tree or the fig trees under which he spent so much time snacking to his heart's content just a year ago....
When this is all over, with no family around here I find I wonder if these places will make me feel worse, even more lonely than I am now? I don't especially like the climates where family members live...hot, muggy, buggy, snake infested parts or the country...The risk of a CA earthquake doesn't seem so bad compared to tornados, typhoons, floods,bitter cold winters, stifling hot summers....but will I feel more lost here than ever?
Mimi, I think that, in time, you will feel surrounded by his love in the home you shared together. And then you will be able to pick up the pieces and make a new pattern with your life.
I first remember my dh the first day of school - I mean our very first day of school. Our families had attended the same church and he has a cradle roll certificate so we probably saw each other before we went to school. We dated some in high school so when we married after only 3 months of steady dating it just seemed natural. Now 58 years later this disease became undeniable and two years later he has really slipped away from me. He still knows who I am and is in the following me around stage I guess. I treasure time alone and then realize one day I'll have all my time alone. Yes he is my BFF.
Sad - that marriages now a days are so short they can't say they had 30, 40, 50 or more years as BFF. We have been married 41+ years and I guess he is the closest to BFF although sharing thoughts and hurts were rare. I never had a girlfriend or at least not one for long. Much of that was due to always moving for a better job.
I know there are those here that faced this disease after so few years together. My heart goes out and I can not imagine how devasting that is to finally find your BFF and then have this happen.
I married my BFF 53 years ago and had a great life until AD raised its ugly head about 5 years ago. We had lots of opportunities to travel ( Hawaii twice, Japan twice, Europe twice) while he was working, and after he retired in 1994 we started traveling more. I always said we should go while we could because who knows when we wouldn't be able to'. Now I am so happy that I have all those memories and so sad that he can't remember any of it. He can't remember any of the cruises we took but every couple weeks he wants to go on a cruise and says he is going to go without me. He can't remember how to get out of the neighborhood without me.
We have moved numerous times in our married life. I had a close girlfriend most places we lived but now have no one. I always said it takes five years to become part of a community but that hasn't happened since we moved here. I am glad my daughter moved here from VA 2 years ago to live with us so I have so I have someone to talk to.