Well now, in my time zone it is quarter to July which means some places it is already July..so I hope it is a bang up month of happier events...but not holding my breath....it is one day at a time, one step before the next....and so it goes.
me too Mimi. After some time of feeling quite "up" I am feeling a bit slumpish lately. I find I am already forgetting what it was like "before", and it was not even that long ago. I know we go through phases whether we are a caregiver or not, now I realize how good I had it before. Too bad it works that way.
The birds are singing, the sun is out, flowers galore, and he is stirring. On to another day of trying to see those great things, and not be too down.
Sun is up here too and DH is snoozing in his chair at 10:30 AM. Conversations??? not much..on EWTN, Mass just finished and now there are the choirs singing classics in Cambridge England..a boys choir...soothing at least...
Even though DH is snoozing, I am sure he hears the music and it will give him pleasure.
I am now going to be getting the bed made up, check on my older kitty who has had some difficulties lately following a surgery..surgery went well, it was reaction to medication that sent her into seizures and a little weakness but I think she is gaining on it, charging my cameras and getting the house even more kitten proofed..too bad we can't post pics of our mischief makers here...the tiny little runt is the instigator of all the mayhem..happy kitten mayhem.
Daughter who lives in Columbus, Oh called..the storms the other day roar through her neiborhood and she lost power and a tree from the front lawn. Most recent info is power 500K homes still without power and her area will not be restored until after the 4th. It 94 degress when she called. At least both grandsons are away for two weeks at a Boy Scout camp.
All is staus quo here and that's a good thing, the sun is out, DW's had her lunch and now is taking her afternoon nap.. a swin when she awakens, life is good
I just bought me a Keurig coffee maker. I have wanted one for years and years. I had a couple of gift cards and thought this was my chance. I just made me a cup of coffee and it is great. So nice to have. I don't get birthday, anniversary or Christmas gifts from DH anymore so thought what the heck! I love my coffee and wanted to treat myself. Also I found a little filter that fits it so I can use my own coffee. That was what sold me.
I feel so sorry for those who are without power or in the line of the fires. We just have the heat.
Our EWTN has been off the air here, no signal. Guess it is our cable co.
blue enjoy your Keurig. I love mine. I also bought the filter and find I've become too lazy to use it. The lattes, chais and other exotics are ready at my whim. I just had an espresso to wake me up.
I thought I'd get a treat for myself this month that might also be of interest to my husband. I don't get gifts from him anymore but he did say I should get myself something for Mother's Day and I have a birthday coming up in a few months, so I'd like to get an ipad. Does anyone else here have one? Do you like it? Has your spouse shown any interest in it? Would love to know the answers to these questions.
Happy 4th of July! Though, like most of you probably, we will be alone while the rest of the family has their celebrations with friends. Can't complain about that, though, we had a lovely visit with family and friends at our relatives' house yesterday and we had some of them to our house last Tuesday. Wonderful impromptu visits we should do much more of. Fortunately, the people we were with were good enough to talk about the "olden days," which is just about the only thing he likes to talk about.
I bought a Keurig several months ago after hearing a number of friends (that I made here) rave about theirs. I never was interested in buying one because I didn't realize the huge variety of coffees available for use with them. As soon as I got mine, I became a convert.
Sons and dil along with sister and dh had lunch with me today for my 79th bday tomorrow. dh doesn't seem to remember anymore. He awoke at 1:15 a.m declaring he was getting dressed and going to work! I suddenly remembered I had forgotten to give him his meds. Guess what 2 tylenol p.m. didn't know if they were right or wrong with his other meds but what the heck. He really slept. Then told me this a.m. he was getting a flight out of Huntsville right away. I called son and asked him to call his dad and invite him to lunch. Trip forgotten for the moment. oh the world of az
Well for us June went out with a bang. The neighbor behind us gets fireworks (the professional kind) & sets them off July 4th. Well I guess this year since the 4th is in the middle of the week he decided to shoot them off last night. So for at least 20 minutes last night we stood on our back porch & even though there were trees in the way we watched a spectacular fireworks display that would rival any professional company. Then this morning we went to church & then went to lunch with our friends from church & another couple that I graduated from high school with. It was really nice because DH just sat there quietly for most of the time & when he did go off on a tangent & talk nonsense, they just sat there & listened & agreed with him. I know how blessed I am to have caring people in my life. I also bought something for myself (well I bought it with bonus points from one of my credit cards so I actually didn't pay cash for it) I bought a vacuum cleaner that I wanted & I love it! (doesn't take much to make me happy!)
July 1. 100℉. Power not fully restored all over Maryland, including most of the traffic lights in my town. Still...successfully got daughter #2 moved into her new Baltimore City apartment today. 4 people wrestling 1 heavy oak futon sofa frame up to 3rd floor, with too-narrow doorways and several U-turns. The consensus is that that sofa--donated by me--will never leave that apartment again. I have some attractive forearm bruises.
Hoping when I go to help Jeff with breakfast at the ALF tomorrow morning, I will find them operating with no more need for generator power. It's wearing on everybody.
It's hot. But I'm not. Though Glenn Miller is who I have on replay replay replay because I'm in the mood.
And on this July 1 Canada Day I raise a glass to all the lover's everywhere over the many decades who might have been a flapper as my mother in law born in 1908 was, or my parents who loved dancing to Glenn Miller, or the boomers grooved out Herb Hancock, or some grunge garage band where tatoo's are de rigeur - it's all the same in all the centuries because it's about the moments. I never danced to Glenn Miller with someone I loved because I wasn't born yet. But I get it.
Other's get to write a poem so here's mine and whether it's good or not isn't that important just as a toast from a drunk isn't that important because it's the thought that counts and this is for lovers everywhere over all the times whether we ever actually danced to Glenn Miller's In The Mood or not.
I remember when you were a flapper, so dapper sashaying on the speakeasy floor In the bobby sox twirling lots to Glenn Miller when you were in the mood Swooning to Elvis watching his pelvis be bop in the loud club hall Moaning over the mop cuts and such in the invasion from across the pond
I remember singing when we meet again with just met friends Don't know how, don't know when But if there is another time When there is you so sublime I will wait until then
I remember the crowded room of all the moments gone too soon Where all of us tripped the light fantastic on that dance floor Laughter and banter, charleston and hip hop, it would never end In that cacaphone of delight, where all we wanted was more
I remember singing when we meet again with all the moments joined as friends Don't know how, don't know when But if there is another time When it is again so sublime I will wait until then
Hey Amber! Thanks very much. You're all invited to my house for tea.
Goodbye and good riddance to June, the month of my husband's death and the nine year anniversary of my best friend's death.
I read about Baltimore and thought of Emily and Marilyn. I am within driving distance of Colorado Springs and it is like an oven here too.
Mimi- I posted to you on another thread and am guessing you are referring to Ebonie? I am so glad to hear she is doing well. Do you have camera surveillance for your kitties?
The full moon is coming and with it the one month anniversary of my husband's death. I just want to stay under the covers, or really on top of them, but there is too much to do and maybe that is a good thing.
I have a kurig coffee maker too. Be sure to use RO water or bottled water. I have never had the scale warning lite come on though I do clean it every so often. Also if your machine is like mine it will tell you to use course ground coffee. I too have the little baskets but found if the coffee grounds are nor course ground it can gunk the machine and get grounds in the coffee. Let me know if your newer machine has that feature corrected. Mine is 2 years old....maybe 3.... I forget. Hahahaha sheesh. Oh oh!!
Oh one other thing, I am now a coffee snob. Because every cup is fresh, I no longer will have coffee at a restaurant!
One other rid bit, I get two cups out of one k cup...I fill the first with the largest amount and DH gets the next size down. He is not drinking as much coffee now as before. K cups are $$ so that helps a bit.
Mimi,What is RO water? I did buy the water filter for the machine. And have a picture with a water filter. Will that water work. I did have grounds in the bottom of my cup from the little basket. Will look for course ground coffee. Thanks for the tips :) We do have hard water here.
Virtually all hospitals that do various blood testing have reverse osmosis water filtration systems because that is the only method I believe to get absolutely pure H2O.
It sounds like Mimi's coffee system includes using water as pure as we can make it.
Bama, I was glad to see that you had posted, on a different topic, but it means that our trip was successful and that you are more or less settled. Let us know how you are when you've unpacked the last tea cup. Ol' Don will be glad to see you back and he has someone to tease.
Wolf, I am one of the poem writers & I thoroughly enjoyed your poem. It did bring back memories for me. My Dad loved the big bands & so I got to listen to them. And of course being a child of the 60's I LOVED the Beatles. Thanks for the memories!
I just wanted to share the good news that I had a nibble from a publisher for a book that I had to set aside for 4 years when in the midst of care taking. After taking 5 days away out of the city about 2 weeks ago, I came home and did a revision and sent it off to a 5th publisher. The thing that pleases me the most is to think that I might still have the chance to pick up my life again Life after Alzheimer - I have wondered if I had been completely depleted. I know, don't count your chickens until they're hatched , but still....
mary75* such great news. Hope it gets published without any revisions that you wouldn't want. Keep us posted so we can get copies “hot off the presses”!
Summer has finally arrived. I won't complain because those east of the Rockies have had it worse, especially those who lost power from the storms. Yesterday was in the low 90s, today in the high 90s and the next couple days are to be just over 100. Unfortunately, this heat will probably go east and the little relief you are getting now will be short lived. It is funny cause people looked forward to leaving the cold raining west side for our sunshine - but, they have sunshine over there now. That is OK, our pool is getting well used.
HB wants to sit outside in the shade and I have to tell him to go inside. Even in the shade it is too hot for him. Of course, inside with the A/C on, which I keep at 75, he wears long pants and sweatshirt. At least when he goes out during the day he has shorts on. But, then when I get off work at 6 or 8 he is back in long pants. I also am noticing he is having more problems finding words describing something. I am looking for a fall job but if he is going to loose ground, it may be time to give it up.
Closing a chapter in our life as we have a buyer for the 5th wheel. I've known for two years those days were over but somehow in my crazy mind I kept trying to figure a way we'd go "just one more time". Dh is declining rapidly everyday so of course traveling and camping is not going to happen. Still I'm sad to see this end for us. Dh isn't happy about this and I only hope I'm getting the price I should. I've never sold anything that we didn't discuss first but he can't discuss anything. His short term memory is gone now so he can't remember that we have a buyer or what we've sold it for. He will ask again where it is I know. I was worried about selling it before insurance was due again and now I'm concerned about the price. I think I'm just wanting to worry -- you think? So after 40+ years of having a camping vehicle ----- oh well.
If you are happy with the price you are getting don't worry about it. Getting the best price is like selling a stock when it is at the top, you can't. You might not get the best price possible but you probably don't want to do the work necessary to get the best price or wait too long. I can only suggest calling places that sell used camping stuff and ask how much something similar might cost.
But I am sorry that you have to sell because you can no longer go camping with you husband. That is the bigger loss.
BTW, when you sell it you should get any extra insurance refunded. At least it worked that way for me with cars.
Our youngest granddaughter graduates from nursing school this month,she came for lunch today and really wants Pappy and me to come to graduation. I hope he can sit that long. Guess I will give him Valerian beforehand,does seem to help him.Granddaughter in the Peace Corps called and said she is going on a safari this week.Oh,to be young again,so many more opportunities these days.She is in Tanzania to teach Math and French.We really miss her.Been HOT here in PA. We need rain badly ,the corn crop is getting shively and the tobacco isn't doing too well either.All the storms have missed us, so far.Guess our day will come.
flo39, did you go to www.nadaguides.com and click on RVs? That will give you an idea. You can also google the type of 5th wheel you have to find others out there that are for sale. This will give you a ballpark figure. I am glad you have found a buyer. That would indicate it is priced to sell.
We made it to 102 today, tomorrow is to be the same, then down in the upper 90s for a couple days, then a couple 100s days and back to the 90s. I won't complain cause many have it worse AND we don't have the humidity that east of the Rockies does.
Charlotte, I did try to find a price on line but there seems to be such a variance because of wear, etc. This guy came by this p.m. wanting to "trade" hitches. He must have thought I was some dumb old lady. Well, maybe but not that dumb. Why would I want a hitch when I don't have anything to hitch? I'll sell him mine but have no use for his. duh! He also wanted the tail gate which is for a 5th wheel so we'll see how he wants to deal. I will check about the insurance, Paulc, but I think if this sells now it will be just about time to renew insurance so should work out o.k. Dh had forgotten we had the 5th wheel over at the camper place for sale so we had to go through that again. But by now he's forgotten that too. He's had a bad p.m. asking for the first time what is wrong with him. Sundowning big time tonight. Got to call pcp tomorrow for help!
I've had a breakthrough. In my seventh month being home alone, I finally went out by myself, for myself, just to do something I like. I've been out socially often enough but this is the first time I've done this.
After two weeks of wrestling and sitting on the stairs for a half hour not getting into the car, I finally drove out into the country past the working farms and cows and horses and tractors and through the woods to the park with the spring fed lake and the beach I took her to so often and went swimming.
I sat in the car a minute after turning it off. I realized I wasn't moving and said "Come on Wolf", I got my towel and had my bathing suit and a tee shirt on, and right away I was in a warm cocoon. I love swimming. I walked up hearing all the chatter, and the children shreaking, running around with their shovels and buckets while the mothers watched from the shade. Families grilling something. Young people tanning. Inflatable toys bobbing around. A dozen canoes going out with some teenager camp group. I spread my towel and waded in and then I was back in that familiar embrace I've loved always of being weightless in the water. I swam out into the middle of the lake around the big inflated ducks and the air mattresses with kids piling on laughing, and was back in the cool womb with the sun on my dripping face feeling my body moving through it.
Two of the canoes tipped. One of the swimmers pointed it out and we watched but the instructors were laughing, everybody had life jackets, and it was clear this happened all the time. But I was fully there in the moment part of the tribe. Then I told two young boys to stay clear of the weeds they were swimming to because they could get too tangled up. "Told you so" one said. I lay back down on my towel dripping and felt the sun beating down on a body that hadn't felt this in two years. I shut my eyes and listened to the different conversations and the sounds just like I did when I was ten.
And after another long swim, I stopped at the general store on the way home still in my wet shorts with my towel over the hot car seat, and bought an ice cream cone, pralines and cream, just like we always did and licked like my life depended on it in the race to stay ahead of it melting. They didn't recognize me from two years ago. But they will.
And when I came back into the house and changed and hung up my wet towel, I knew I wasn't fooling myself that I'm going to be ok. "Told you so" said the little boy.
I love this too, Wolf. I did something similar. It is hard adjusting to doing things alone again but important to make ourselves and gradually our confidence and enjoyment returns. I once drove to a nearby state park and just sat on a bank a while and read a book. I ocassionally went into a Pizza place where Paul was a favorite - he went there at least once a week while he was driving. A favorite waitress always greeted him and was so kind to him. We went together the last couple of years and she still recognized him. After, when I went in alone, she did not recognize me.
Wolf this is so beautiful and has made my day today.
"told you so" brought tears to my eyes, that the boys respected you. God bless you dear Wolf.
and now, my awful memory of this July, just last night. And how I will cling to your good day Wolf.
Last night we went to the neighbors over the fence for a small birthday gathering, (60 years old), just us and two other couples. Dado usually stays home and I walk back and forth to check on him. Lately I really don't like to leave him alone, so I talked him in to coming.
He does his usual sitting on the chair not speaking of course, and I "let him" have a beer. Then one more. He was not impaired but I suppose with the drugs he takes I should have stopped it at one. I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A NICE TIME<if only for an hour.
I looked over at to my horror, his shorts were totally soaked, he had peed himself and did not even seem aware of it. We got up and walked home, (to the embarrassed look of the neighbours) Barely made it to the toilet before he had a huge case of the runs. And all through this, he was unfazed. I cleaned him up in the shower and got him to bed.
AND THIS IS WHAT I MEAN< when those nice folks next door say, "Oh you just have to laugh at life, have a good time", and then they see my shallow smiles, and the quietness which is so unlike me, and I want to scream.
So darn down.. Just can't seem to get appreciative and accepting and hoping. I now have medical insurance and am going to see a counselor to see if that helps , even a bit.
Coco, I'm sorry. Some days life just sucks. And we just get through it somehow. I understand your sadness. Wish I could do something to make it better.
thank you blue. As you know, just being acknowledged helps. and hugs always.
One thing I am noticing lately, is how well I DO NOT do. I could not do what many here do, with the violence, the really intense care. Yes, it is because I have to work too, perhaps if I was just home it would be "easier" I ache and hurt from work, but what can I do I have to pay bills.
Though I know I do a good job, I love him, I also know, that I may not be able to go on like this. Today I had an anxiety attack, pretty sure that's what it was. (just went to the doctor the other day and she said I am healthy)
My heart starting racing and I got really dizzy, briefly. Then it went away.
I am not beating myself up, but, just don't know if I can do what so many of you do. It is one thing to get down now and then, but this has been too long almost three weeks now. I am seeking help.
Coco,wissh there was some way I could help you.I,too, don't know if I can be the caregiver that many are here when really intense care is needed. I don't think I can ever be the POOP Queen.And I know that I can not continue without some kind of break,but I don't see any in sight.My Dr. said today that she is more worried about me than DH.I get Heart Palpitations wheb I start to think what the future will bring, I can only pray I will be able to handle it with God's help.You do what you can but only you know when you have to stop. God Bless!
Wolf so glad you were a brave soul and faced the elements and it was a total success. I'm sure there were moments when you were swimming when thoughts came into your head that made your heart ache. I use to be a swimer...loved it. I never feared the water and I am probably the world's best floater..(only joking). But, people would always comment when I went to the local lake and would just swim out several yards and get on my back with my arms spread and my feet would float to the surface of the water and dream on and on....loved it. Floating can be a great saver if one tires when swimming and you don't fear the water you could last a long time and eventually get to land. You brought back found memories for me.
And, sweet Coco. Of course you are are at a breaking point. You can't be all things to your Dado all the time and survive. When I got to your point is when I took the two week respite and it really helped. I learned early on that YOU and only YOU know your limits on being a caregiver and their is no disgrace or shame if it is less then what others can do. Early on I said my line in the sand was poop and pee...I now think I might be able to handle that if I find a way to move my dh when he is in the bed. Right now, he needs help getting in and out of the bed and I haven't found the hospital bed to be the help I had hoped for. I now know my line in the sand will be when he "really" can't move and can't even help himself when getting in and out of bed. It is just too difficult for me to do. The choice will be made because I just can't do that and I know I can't it would totally do me in. Right now I am just loving him and trying to provide comfort to him and smile, tell him a little joke now and then and remind him of all the wonderful times we had together and all of these little things bring a smile to his face. Of course, I know sometimes he doesn't remember what I am talking about, but he can hear my voice and see my smile and he knows I am telling him somthing good. He knows he is getting worse and he is trying so hard to be loving and show his appreciation to me and it breaks my heart every day to see him get worse and just become a shell of the man he once was.
Coco...just take one day at a time...one chore at a time...and when you get really, tired rest a little bit. It will help. I wish I had wings and could come and help you on the day my dh's aide is here. You and me and a few others...have no one (family) to help or to turn to just for support a few days a week or even a few days a month. Many here are so lucky and talk about kids and grandkids that come and go...it is rare that I have that and I know it is never for you. You will know when you have reached your limit and don't feel down about that...you may think you are super woman...but, you really aren't. You are a Super Gal...and that is different then being a super woman. ...love you dear friend...Hang in there.
Hubby went for a walk on the beach just like old times But as we ending our walk I noticed he had and accident (bowels) He was not even aware So coco........I know how heart wrenching this is But we went home and we got cleaned up
Later when he was in bed.....I drank a bottle of red wine and I went to bed!!!
Now. I need coffee coffee!!!!!
Wolf love your story of. Getting in the car for a drive
We have a beach close here..........I am famous for skinny dips......I refer to these as my "back to my womb" time
Dear Coco I'm sure you are doing your very best. Don't beat yourself up for wanting to have some enjoyment amid all this. I get so sad for myself and then I look at my dh and see that lost look in his eyes. he is not convinced that we live in this house and keeps commenting on the nice floors - he put them in - and it is another reminder that life for us together is over. I'm not a good caregiver. I think I'm just a taker sometimes and not a giver. I want to run away but where would I go. I need to call the VA and see about help in our state. Dh tells me all the time how much he has loved me since he was 3 yrs. old. can't beat that! Finally some rain and lower temps nice if only for a little while. Friday the 13th!!
flo, don't say that you aren't a good caregiver.......just the fact that you ARE a caregiver makes you good. I read here what other spouses seem to do for & with their LO's & I think the same thing, that I'm not as good as they are, but we all handle our situations differently. I almost hate ot talk to my DH because he usually doesn't understand what I am trying to say & then it takes more effort to try to explain what I am talking about. Does that make me bad? I hope not. He sits & “watches” TV while I sit across the room at my computer. He kept getting upset when he would see the people on the TV because he thought that they were in our house, so now most of the time we listen to the oldies music channel our cable TV has & when a slow song comes on we dance, right there in our living room! I wish I could do more with him, but when they get to the point where they can't play games or even follow a story line on TV, you just do the best you can.
Coco, I don't know what to say to you except that my heart hurts for you (& all of us). This is such a sad journey we are on & it seems like everyday a little more of our heart gets hurt. We try to do so much for our LO's to the point that we get so exhausted physically, mentally & emotionally that we just feel like we can't go on, but somehow we do, but like everyone else said, only YOU will know when you can't anymore. Hugs of love to you!
Judith, I love to float on my back. I bet there are lots of people who don't know how relaxing that is. (sadly I haven't been swimming in a few years).
Coco, as one who IS at home with all of the details this disease entails, don't be fooled by the grass is greener thing...At least when you are at work, as hard as that may be at times, for that amount of time you are in a more normal world...For those of us in prison at home and having to manage and do it all, at least at this point in the disease, this is even more stressful.
I think we all need a session to see if WE have PTSD and it isn't even post yet.
I just feel angry so much of the time anymore...and my anger is directed at certain people not everyone in general.
I posted something on my FB page the other day..." how would you like to play tag and be IT all the time?" so far only one person got the intent of the comment and this person is a ALZ spouse too.
I have not read this thread for awhile. Abby, I was one of the lucky ones here who didn't lose power (a miracle). My upstairs fridge (freezer) was filled to the brim with my friends' groceries; my downstairs fridge and freezer were filled with my brother's groceries; I operated a bed and breakfast here for about 3 days. Happy to do it--could be me the next time. Thankfully, Steve's ALF never lost power, but they were considering bringing 20 residents and their caregivers from a sister facility. Glad that never actually happened. It was weird shopping at the local Target in the dark--they lost power but opened without A/C and only emergency lighting. Customers were using their phones' flashlights to see their way around!
Last year I procrastinated and did not get any cherries. Today I made myself go pick some and glad I did - this is the last day. They said heat was drying them up but I found plenty of big juicy bing cherries - about 4 pounds worth. I love bings - brings back childhood memories of sitting in a neighbors big old tree pigging out. I told hb that was enough since he is not eating fruit anymore. He said 'I know'. He use to love fruit but will not touch it anymore. weird!
The last two days have been cooler - in the low 90s. This morning I got woke up by thunder at 6:25. I counted them and it was 15 - 25 seconds before the sound died down each time. Had a few sprinkles but that was all in rain.
When I was a kid a friend and I raided a neighbor's tree. We ate cherries until we were stuffed. Out of boredom we started opening the fruit. Inside everyone of them we found a worm. 'nuff said :0)