I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read the weekend blog. I must be getting nutsy from lack of conversation. Check out my solution and post comments here. Has anyone else tried my method?
Funny you should bring this up. Just today DH and I went out to lunch. We sat, I talked a bit he would listen and say nothing. It seemed to take forever for our food to come. It made me sad. Next time fast food. No more sit down dinners out without DD. He was not this bad the last time we were out, just the two of us. If I was alone I could of at least had a book with me. Around the house is the same.
I agree with you completely. I think exactly what you said "the fine art of talking to yourself" is very important in finding a 'friend' who can share the road with you. In time different aspects of our thought can take on personalities and I find talking to myself is less like an echo and more like a conversation because Wolf Two is getting better at pointing out another side of things so that I can keep my own conversation going.
That works as well with a fudge sundae as it does with supreme court decisions.
On that, as someone outside of the argument being in Canada, it's impressive to me how well the supreme court of the United States works. It's legitimate that two sides of most arguments is a liberal and a conservative one as two natural sides to any issue. I have no opinion of this ruling, but, my point is that once Mr Roberts was appointed to the bench - he decided his vote on this issue with his own mind.
In that same way the politics of the United States likely fairly represents the virtually equal divide between those that are more liberal and those more conservative. It's only recently I became aware that in fact the Senate was an appointed body - not an elected body - until 1913.
I have to go. One of my other selves keeps shouting for "Ice Cream!" and I have to feed that troll.
It's an important point I think Joan. A big step in both survival and helping ourselves is learning how to get along better within ourselves, and while it may not be for everyone, I think many have different 'voices' inside and developing and getting along with the different aspects of yourself can be both rewarding and interesting.
Underneath characterisations we learn to get along with and develop our own thoughts. In any form of self help that simply has to be a first step. Not discussed enough I don't think.
Conversation with dh has to almost be as with a child. I'll be talking about something and he responds with something entirely different. Mostly he wants to know when we are eating and what doesn't matter if we just ate. This will probably pass onto something else. I printed a 6 mo. report that he was always interested in from one of his favorite web sites. I hoped this would be of interest as he is roaming again. Foolish me he doesn't understand it. sad I do think when visiting someone who seems to not understand anything caution should be used in case they do. I remember visiting in the hospital with a woman who was advanced in her illness she had undergone chemo and had lost her hair. Some unthinking person in the group blurted out - she is bald- duh, she had chemo. I wanted to bop the clod - I didn't but that was years ago and I can still hear it.
I have a bad habit of talking to myself out loud. “Before” my DH would ask what I said & I would tell him & then we could have a conversation about it. “Now” when I talk to myself & he asks what I said, when I tell him, he usually can't comprehend what I am saying, so then I have to try to explain & he still usually doesn't understand. So now I find myself whispering to myself. That way he doesn't hear & I don't have to try to explain what I am talking about. For me it's so frustrating when he talks but doesn't make any sense.
Well most of the time now I have talk radio on...and I answer that back and then DH wants to know what I am talking about..sometimes he will understand and at other times I have to start from square one to tell him or better yet turn the radio on . I use a headset that way I can go about my chores with company. I always thought when we answer ourselves then we are in trouble hahahahaha...nothing like having someone along who agrees with our talking to ourselves opinions.
I've been talking to myself for a while now - I like my opinions & answers! But seriously, I think it helps to keep my own brain in gear to a certain extent, although a real give & take conversation with another person (NOT my hubby!) is essential. I hope we all have someone else we can have serious discussions with, or a real belly laugh or two. My kids, two cousins that I'm close to, friends from church help to fill the gap. Fortunately for me, I've always been a lover of solitude,so not talking is okay with me too, although my times of solitude are beginning to disappear!
I find I don't talk with my wife. Most of the time she doesn't respond, or even acknowledge that I am talking. Other times she will "respond", but what she says doesn't make any sense. Sometimes she will start a "conversation", but, again, what she is saying doesn't make sense. Today at dinner we were sitting with another couple, with whom I was having a conversation. Suddenly DW entered in, but with mostly jibberish. Fortunately, the other couple knows what is going on.
Conversations have gone by the wayside. Like you, Marsh, I don't understand what dh is saying to me. If I speak to him, I can see he doesn't understand a whole sentence anymore. I am reduced to language fit for a 9 month old.
I don't speak to myself. I have become a very quiet person. Strange....dh was always a very quiet person. In fact, that was the most difficult adjustment I had to make when I married him. He was not a man of many words. He became a bit more talkative through the years. Now he seems to want to talk more but he speaks in a different language. Rarely do I know what he is talking about.
I am expecting our son and family from Kansas City for a 10 day visit. They haven't seen dh for a year. I know they will be shocked at the decline. I have tried to tell them about the changes but it isn't the same as witnessing it.
When I try to talk to him or to myself he just says I am muttering and he can't understand me. Then I have to say it all over again and maybe explain it twice and he still doesn't understand so I tend not to say anything at all. The TV is on all day every day so I don't need to say anything.
Yeah, I do that Joan. Just expound, describe, air the subject in monologue form. Why not? I used to be most apt to to this--just pick a point and beat it to a fare-thee-well in a barely-interrupted speech--while driving in the car. I think it vaguely entertained him, even though he had little absorption of what I was going on about.
Not so much now that I don't drive him around, but I do sometimes do this in a shortened format, while looking at the paper in the morning at the ALF.
oh joan, i didn't think I missed conversation until yesterday. I was out doing yardwork rehashing my visit from my elder sis and her husband and my younger sis and her husband and they insisted on doing a lot of things to get me caught up in yard but it was the easy conversation among us that keeps coming back to me. The work was fantastic and welcome but what I keep cherishing and remembering were the times we just sat and talked among us. Also another thing I never thought I would miss because of the difficulties of dealing with incontinence and male stubborn issues was just the company of men... the easy camaraderie among us while working. I could say anything and not have to repeat it a million times or look at blank stares.
Do I talk to myself to fill the void...not really because when I do all the sudden he is all ears and asks me What? I usually say I was talking to the cats.