Yes,Joan,happiness is a puppy or a furry cat. You will feel happiness again,I find so much happiness in observing nature and all my pets.A kitten sitting on my shoulder,sniffing my ear,my Doberman laying on my feet while I use the computer.Remember the song "The Bluebird of Happiness".
My two much loved red boys saw me through all my heartache. Sadly I lost both of them around the time my husband died. Gracie came into my life almost by accident. My friends and family say it was no accident. My sweet cat was meant to be my soul mate. Burying my face in her soft fur makes my heart sing.
What an apt description Joan, still feeling moments but not constant. Sometimes I feel selfish when I think that all is all right , that there is still a lot of fun to be had in MY life, as his drains away.
What a difference 6 months makes. 6 months ago I was constantly down and fearful and hopeless, literally.
You know, as I was walking among the flowers this morning, I truly realized how much this site means, that I would not be near as hopeful if I had not found it. Who else could understand, and give priceless advice? I would be so much more lonely. This place makes me happy.
Something I want to share about happiness. When my som was in Jr,Hi they had to finish this sentence "Happiness is..... " He wrote "Happiness is your Mom standing in the door when you get off the school bus".It still brings tears to my eyes to think that something we take for granted would bring a 13 yr,old happiness.
yhouniey, that was so sweet, especially coming from a 13 yr. old boy! My 2 boys were (& are) always Momma's boys. They are very supportive as are my 2 daughters & grandkids & thinking about them.....that brings me happiness.
I agree Joan - that deep inside happiness seems to evade. Working in RV parks, helping people that come in, making their stay happy brings me joy. Last winter between jobs I felt 'dead' inside. This summer the days I work, the walking around chatting and laughing with the people is when I feel alive, feel 'normal', and enjoy. When we are sitting in the RV watching TV and me playing games on the computer is when I feel I just exist. He only wants to do things if I bring it up. We all know that feeling - wanting us to entertain and bring something more to their existence.
I dread when I have to give it up which could be as soon as this winter. The thought is so depressing. But, at least I have my working where many of you are not as fortunate.
I, too, am happy the dog has a new family. Thank you, Joan!
Sadly, I know what Joan means about the lack of true happiness. There are some moments of joy, fleeting moments ... but no sustained happiness as there was before.
its so wonderful to hear the little guy has a new home with pet parents who will love him. everyone needs something to love be it human or pet. i think you are correct joan in that we do go about our smiles and laughs but they dont resound from the heart like before. 'smiling eyes' like the irish say are truly expressing the joy of love life and laughter. this disease destroys so much happiness. divvi
What a gorgeous face that little guy has...I hope he'll be happy with his new family. Happiness, is very hard to find these days...AD took all that away from us.
My sister whose husband died 6 years ago tells me there is happiness after different than before but still there. In the midst now of loosing my soul mate it seems impossible. So happy for that little dog. He is so sweet how can anyone mistreat animals? Never understand that. We have a rescued cat now that is a companion for my dh. Pets are so loyal. My son rescued a pit bull from the road ditch. Someone dumped the dog, then later someone shot him but only wounded him. Son found him, took him to the vet - friends pitched in with funds - son posted on line his day to day adventures. Long story short he was contacted by a publisher and now has a book about the dog and him. Happy ending for all.
Awww, what a sweet little face! I know what you mean about the inside happiness fading. My husband is still in the mid-stage, so we go everywhere together and every now and then he can still make me smile. But that deep inner sadness, the grief, sits hard and heavy on me everyday. This week,I accidentally discovered something else that has gone away.
I hired a neighborhood 8th grader to help me clean out the basement, closets and storage cabinets. The plan is for him to help me until he gets used to being with hubby so I can sneak away for a couple of hours without worrying about leaving him home alone. At first, the idea seemed like more work, more planning, more of the stuff I just don't want to do, ugh. But he came for the first time on Monday and we spent two hours throwing things away, sorting and stacking, sweeping and dusting. It was hard, dirty, icky bug work. But I felt something I hadn't felt for a very long time. The sense of moving forward. Of having a goal and doing something to reach it. Not hope really, maybe accomplishment? Maybe something separate from the sadness? I guess AD has put me into a limbo, where the days pass, one much like the other. The disease progresses painfully slowly but at the same time, you can't wish that it would progress more quickly!! So maybe deep happiness is out of reach for now but having a tidy basement still feels pretty good.
Thanks, Joan. Your blog is the only voice I know that truly understands the AD spouse's experience.
....Ok...You have just pushed my button. HAPPINESS happens to be my obsession. I Know I've contributed my thoughts about it befor but please bear with me and see if you can agree, or just tell me I'm crazy. ....About 66 years ago, just married, Helen 18, me 23. She was shopping in a shopping mall, and I was just wandering around... A couple guys with a microphone and a movie camera came up to me and asked me this guestion. "What is happiness?" (They were evidently making a presentation for a show or ?) ....Well, I stuttered and stamered around and don't remember what I said, but I followed them around to hear what other people were saying. I found out that everybody had a different idea of happiness. I heard "Wining the lottery","Good health","In love","Family","Living in Ameaica","Living a christian life". ect. So I went home and looked it up in the dictionary, but found nothing but synonyms. ....That little experience started me on a life long search. Exactly "What makes a person happy".There must be an answer that covers everything. ....I've seen unhappy people living in ultimate splendor, and happy people living in the worst situations imaginable. What is it? How can I have it if I don't know what it is? ....Over the years, I've thought about it and changed my mind about it a few times but it finally came to me loud and clear. Of course I can't speak for everyone, but for me, it's just one simple thing.....HAVING A GOOD OPINION OF MYSELF.... Thinking that I'm right...Thinking I'm a good person. Thinking I'm doing the right thing....It doesn't matter what others think or if they even know....What matters is what I think of myself. That's what happiness is for me. ....In order to think I'm a good person, I have to do good to others... To family, friends, strangers, animals any living thing, even the little lizard that fell into the pool. He was so happy when I fished him out. That's what makes me happy. ....I think that's what makes anyone happy and at 90 yrs old, I've thought about it a lot. .................With Love, GeorgieBoy....
Now that is wisdom well learned from 90 years of living! Thank you for that post. I hadn't thought of it that way, but yes, when I have been happy with myself as a person, I have known inner peace and joy.
Georgieboy, What a revelation! Yes, it's true. I am happiest when I look my best, when I've done something good for someone or even when I've done a good job with something. Think about how bad we feel if we're having a bad hair day, have sloppy clothes on, the house is a mess, we've lost patience with our spouse and haven't done or said anything good to or about anybody. Sometimes I think we have to be old to have any sense. LOL
Thanks, Georgieboy, you've given me something to think about when I'm way, way down in the dumps. I know only I can make myself happy or unhappy it is all at how I handle things. But I'm afraid it is easier to blame than to accept what is.
I thought I would update you on the doggie adoption. It has been barely 5 weeks since Gina, Barbara, and I found "Newman" a new home with Myra and Norman. That dog is so loved - they treat him like their new baby, and he has responded beautifully. He is adorable and loveable. They had him neutered about 10 days ago, and when that is all healed, they are getting his teeth cleaned, because the vet said they had been quite neglected.
When I went outside to pick up my paper this morning, M and N were walking little Newman, and when he saw me, as little as he is, he pulled N towards me, wagged that tail like crazy, and rolled over so I could rub his tummy.
Joan, maybe you can't have a dog yourself but nothing says you can't be Aunt Joan to him. Like a grandchild - love him up, spoil him and send him home!!!