On tuesday I began the first of two weeks respite with my dh being placed in an ALF. This is a beautiful place with a great patio area.
Anyway....I had all types of things planned to do. I have done none of them. I am loving just having my house to myself and doing what I want to do and when I want to do it. I know there is a great difference to losing your spouse vs placing them in a ALF while you take respite. But, I am almost feeling quilty because I can honestly say, I do not even miss him. I visited him on Friday and he looked great and even talked good considering his condition. However, I went back yesterday and took him out to eat. He looked terrible and didn't say more then 10 words and if I hadn't said something to him he might not have said the 10 words. I refuse to be concerned or worry about this. I really don't think it means a thing except it is what it is.
I keep thinking that if this is what placing him would be like I think I would be very comfortable about it. I am not ready for that at this time. But, it is kind of nice to know that I don't think it will be a difficult decision for me to make if and when the time comes.
It would be intersting to read comments about how others liked having their respite, especially if you were staying at home and not taking an actual trip.
Please don't feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty. All too soon your respite will be over and the hard work will begin again. Right now you are just lending your responsibility to someone else for a short time.
I have never had respite except for two or three hours at a time. How I envy you. I probably wouldn't do any more than you are doing, just relaxing and being a little lazy. You deserve this break.....enjoy it any way you like.
JudithKB, good for you! I'm glad that you are enjoying your respite. I haven't had a respite (only a few hours here & there) but I have a feeling that I would feel the same way that you do. I would love to be in my house by myself for a few days. Right now I am a prisoner in my living room. When I leave for more than 10 minutes he hunts me down & gets upset because he doesn't know where I am. I hope the rest of your respite is restful. ((HUGS))!
I WANT TO THROW A PARADE FOR YOU!!! good on you, no guilt you silly thing. Just take a look at what you have endured.
I like your comment on just staying home...I know I had mentioned possibly going on a trip later this year if Dado gets the 3 week respite. I told my friend that has offered to treat me, please, let us not make any plans I just don't know yet. After all, she is coming to Hawaii and it is not too bad here.
I hope that he takes to it as good as your guy. It is not even approved yet, and 5 months away, and I am already fretting like a nut case.
Enjoy JudithKB...you earned your time, don't feel guilty, says me who was just that when my DH had a weekend respite. i worried about him, how was he coping, did he behave for his carers...before i knew it the weekend was over and I missed my time that was meant for me. Just having the house to yourself, doing as you please is bliss, it will pass all too soon.
Respite and placement were very different for me. Respite was fabulous. I think it's a bit like vacation versus retirement. This was a break. I knew it. And I drained every drop.
Placement hasn't felt the same even though it is the same. We are on our own in both cases with freedom to be ourselves without all the things we have to do and not do when they're with us.
Hope you enjoyed it. When I did it the first time it took quite a bit of coaxing on their part. When I went to pick her up the director asked me if I would like to book a future respite now. I nodded like a puppy dog. It gave me something to get to, got me thinking about what I wanted to do next time with my time, and all that is useful for when we have all the time in the world but no motivation.
JudithKB, have read on other threads how awesome your respite is, and how you will be ok when he comes home. It makes me want to stay around my place if we get the respite in November, instead of taking on the stress of traveling. Still waiting to hear if it is a go.
It has apparently helped you SO much, of course, but it sounds like more than you even expected. I am so happy for you, and hope that many others can take time for themselves too.
judithkb its nice to hear your time in respite has worked its charms. just having a clear mind free of stress and a smile on the face is all one really needs huh? a vacation of the mind is just as wonderful! divvi
Well...free of stress yes...but a smile, at least the smile I have now looks very strange. The other morning I catch my shoe in a hole and fell down. The good news was my feet were below my legs and I my arms were not needed to brace myself from the fall...instead I fell hard on the sidewalk on my face. It really made me see stars and I was out of it for a min. or two. I just laid there and composed myself and made sure nothing was hurt too badly like my legs and arms. I was afraid to move.
Then I thought well, it is early morning and if I really hurt myself and I can't get up someone will be going to work and see this lady on the sidewalk and come and check on me. Good news...I could get up and just my nose and face hurt. Went in the house and I look unbelievable. Never saw anything like how I look and my kids said the same thing. I have a nose that looks like bozo the clown. My glasses cut into the top of nose and the top part of my lip has a small split.
Well...needless to say. I didn't do much that day. I didn't go to the doctor because I could actually move my nose and it didn't hurt that badly just looked awful But, I was really shook-up for a day. I am fine now, but still look like I ran into a concrete wall running 20 mph.
I have had to go to the store and to see dh and everyone just takes a look at me and goes...WOW...what happened to you? I wish it would just all go away.
I remember back when I was walking home from work and tripped over a speed bump - I hit the ground, bounced back up and kept walking hoping no one had seen.
I am going to pick my dh up today and bring him home. I could wait until tomorrow, but decided I will do it today when it is kind of a slow day there at the SLF and Monday is a busy day there.
I am anxious to see how he really is. The times I have taken him out it seems like he has really gone even further down hill. I took him out yesterday for lunch and he walked so slow it was unbelievable and he kept wanting me to hold his hand while he walked slow like a little 5 year old. He really seemed kind of out of it and couldn't figure out how to put his seat belt on in the car. He also looks thinner. Anxious to weigh him because he was losing weight the month before I put him in ALF for my respite.
I think it must often be true that by the time many of us seek respite help or consider placement, our LOs have hit a downhill slide that can continue to surprise us.
I know how you feel. I was going to place my DH for respite care in a few weeks but found out that they have an opening in the ALF memory unit. DH has been failing so quickly!! Just like you said JudithKB, he can no longer put his seatbelt on and has difficult time sitting down or getting into bed. He is also having trouble eating without dropping food all over table and floor. He is asking me where is he going tonight to his house or here? Then, where are we? I told him he is at home. So sad but so difficult to make that decision. Belinda