Hello, I'm a 79 year old and I have gone through a few weeks of what probably is depression. My husband depends completely on me, but can shower and tend to his bathroom needs. He is quite sweet, thanks to the good Lord, but otherwise is completely dependent on me. Until the last few weeks I've been quite resigned to the way things are.. But I have taken fluoxetine for several years and suggested to the doctor that perhaps I needed an upgrade on my fluoxetine from 20 mg to 30 mg. She gave me the 30 mg. But now that things got somewhat worse I'm back on the original dose. Have any of you had anything similar happen with fluoxetine? I have the good fortune of sleeping long and well at night and realize I am old, but this amount of sleep is ridiculous. Lately I find myself wanting to sleep more and more until 9 or 10 some mornings and with a 2 hour nap in the afternoons. Also I'm not caring about personal appearance as much as usual. I'm a creative person ( water color beginner, piano teacher,organist,reader, sewer, etc.) But I think I'm trying to escape what is happening now.. Many of you dear people have it SO much worse that I feel shamed to complain. But do any of you have this desire to sleep more you than should and what do you do about it? I "think" my husband is in stage 5. I still want to be creative. Maybe that isn't realistic.
It's very realistic to want to be creative, and it's equally true that being full-time caregiver to the AD spouse at home is a life often lacking in sufficient stimulation. Any chance of day-care or time off? I think it would be great if you could take an art class or something similar.
I personally do not have experience but as a nurse would offer some simple advice. I am assuming your doctor checked you out and you do not have any other medical problems to make you tired. When are you taking your pills? Sometimes changing the time of day helps. Also when the dose was increased did your doctor tell you it would take several weeks for the higher dose to kick in? Check with your doctor about either adding another medication or staying on the increased dose until your energy kicks in. Lastly, if your doctor is not a psychiatrist maybe you need to see one, they are more familiar with perscribing meds for depression.
You are not too old...you are just physically and emotionally drained. Do not let this disease take two of you. As Emily suggested, look for resources to provide supervision for your husband so you can gat some relief. Everyone is here for you.
midwestern....You sound like you are in the position I was in except I didn't take any medications. I am 78 and there is a lot of difference in doing this job when you are in your 60s or even early 70s then when you are nearing 80. I also am a creative person and like to sew and crochet. For two years I could not leave the house without my dh. I felt like I was trapped in my own home. I finally put my dh in an ALF for two weeks so I could have respite care and rest and recharge my batteries. I had all kinds of things planned for this week. But, besides doing just some minor shopping I have been mostly resting...2 or 3 short naps during the day. I am feeling so much better already.
We all need some time away from being a caregiver. It is so important.
It was so good getting some feedback from you! I was almost deciding that I was too self pitying and that no one would identify with the likes of me. I'm going down to inquire at "Curves" tomorrow. I know exercise would help . It would leaving home for an hour by himself, though he does not wander, can't use the stove, and we've turned off the fireplace. He's very placid, but still one never knows.
Have you thought of just walking in the morning? I use to walk 4 miles a day. I am thinking I may start walking very early in the morning when I know (I think I know) my dh will not wake up. I will only walk for maybe one-half hour.
I craved sleep for the psychological escape and also because I never felt rested. It was like trying to sleep while still being aware of husband's actions. Back and forth to the bathroom and more recently announcing to me at 2 or 3 am that the sun was shining and it was time to wake up.
At least 3 times a week I left the house and timed it to follow his mid-day dose of ativan when he would sleep pretty soundly. I knew he would be up and pacing by 3:30 or so, so I took advantage of that window of time. I was taking care of everything with no help and just had to do some things. I was never gone for long but never felt free while out of the house anyway. Sometimes I just went a mile or two to get a newspaper and blast the radio in my car.
I'm one who can't walk much because of a bad knee so I'll suggest yoga. Like sleep, my body and mind crave it.
This forum has helped me so much- I hope you stay and know that if you do you will find wonderful support here.
I think going to Curves would be a good move for a lot of reasons. Exercise is thought to ease depression, and you'd be seeing other people and another environment. Any little thing you can do helps.
Thanks to all of you that have replied. What a relief! It's so cathartic to be free to tell the truth and not have to worry about who you tell it to. I for sure will be back here often. We have Homecare for him 3 hours a week - and a nurse every other week. It helps a lot, but I need more time than that to clear my brain. I will inquire more. We live in a small town without access to many programs that could help us out. I think the church might be an untapped source.
Midwestmn, welcome and never feel like you are complaining. You are doing what we all come here and do. Scream, cry, laugh, write, and share but never do we complain....... We all understand the feelings each of us have here. Not everyone is going thru the same things at any particular time but at some point in this horrible disease we will all be able to relate. I understand the wanting to sleep more and more. In my case, it is depression. I recognize it for what it is and some days I give in and stay in bed, and other days I get up, get busy and make myself concentrate on other things. It is not easy some days but the more I work at it the easier it gets. I am only 56 and 3/4 and really there is no reason since placing my dh for me to be so tired. You are on the right path to getting better as I am, so don't give up or give in for too long at a time. We caregivers have to make ourselves care again, and reach out to the world. Hugs to you and good to have you aboard.....
I was on Prozac/fluxotene in the 90s. It worked fine for a few years except I could not take a higher dose than I think 10mg a day - one side effect is muscle tremors. I would get them across my shoulder blades, made me feel like I had a itchy muscles. After a while it started having the reverse reaction - making me more depressed and suicidal. It could be time for a medication change. Also, have your thyroid checked.
These are the comments that I took from the "waiting for feedback" thread. I want to keep everything together - joang
ElaineHCommentTime16 hours ago edit delete
midwestmn, Welcome to this site. I'm sorry that you haven't received any responses, but sometimes on the weekend people don't log on here as much as during the week. Also Father's Day might have something to do with that. Please hang on & stay. I promise you will have reponses & be welcomed as one of the family. I have been her almost 2 years & have gained so much valuable information that I wouldn't have found anywhere else. Keep checking back & I know you will hear from someone soon.
CommentAuthorVickieCommentTime15 hours ago edit delete
Welcome, midwestmn, to the best site ever! There are responses now to your first thread. I have no first-hand experience with your problem, but I know others will be along to try to help. If you can get out and walk - that's the trick for me!
CommentAuthorCocoCommentTime15 hours ago edited edit delete
I think Judith KB and Vickie had the best advice, just get up and go walking if you can. I know I know it is hard sometimes, but if you can, and don't forget to smell the flowers! Good luck on your feeling better!
I would add, eats lots of fruits and veggies and drink lots of water. ( less wine, but some...) and oh also,, dig in the garden a bit. The plants have a way of making us calmer.
CommentAuthorJudithKBCommentTime12 hours ago edit delete
Coco....you are so right about the plants. I like to get up early...and I sit out on my patio and have my coffee and look at all my beautiful flowers. I walk around the edge of where the plants are and pick the little weeds that I don't like and maybe even do a little trimming. It is like medicine for me....love the early morning.
CommentAuthorgeorgestreitCommentTime11 hours ago edit delete ....To Midwestmn....
....The way I see it, depression is the same as being unhappy, and I've already contributed a fairly long blog about happyness, so I won't get into that. I'll Just call it depression. ....If I happen to feel depressed, I re-live the good times. And the way I do it is to drag out some old letters, old photo albums, an old diary, old audio tapes, anything to look at or read that brings back the wonderful memories of the good times we shared. And then, since there's no one else around, I tell the dog all about it. And our little dog happens to be a very good listener. ....How can I be depressed when I can fill my mind with such great memories?
.................With love GeorgieBoy
CommentAuthormammieCommentTime8 hours ago edit delete
Don't give up on us midwestmn,,,, sometimes it takes us a few to get to the threads and read and respond. But like Vickie said, this is by far the best site you can get on and find the help, information you need to make it one step at a time. Help is coming and this site has a lot of very experienced, helpful, loving people. Hope you are feeling better,,,,,,, hugs....
CommentAuthorblueCommentTime24 minutes ago edit delete
I'm sorry you are so down, midmestmn. I am not always able to take a walk. To hard to work it out sometimes. But I walk around my yard. My dogs and I go out, we walk around look at the flowers and just soak in the sunshine. I know their are many who take meds for depression. I am not there yet, but it is a possibility if needed. I have already talked with my doctor about it.
Do you have a finch feeder? I have one outside my front door. I can see it from my chair in the living room. I love the way they sing and the bright yellow color. They cheer me up.
Welcome to my website. As you can see, I combined your two threads into one, so all of the comments can be found in one place. Sometimes, especially on a weekend, and even more so on a holiday weekend, it takes time for members to answer. But our members are always here for one another. They are full of information and the best support anywhere.
I started this website in 2007 because I couldn't find anyone who would talk about how I felt - I thought I was the only one feeling the way I did about what Alzheimer's Disease was doing to my marriage. I needed a place that dealt with my unique issues as a spouse of an Alzheimer patient. This site is now a place of comfort for spouses/partners who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife/partner. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience".
Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
I It's so good to know that this sleep escape is something others (Abby) have experienced. And also the advice about the exercise being important in helping depression. I went to Curves today to be given the "journey" through the machines and exercises. I don't really want to do it, but I really felt good after. I will go tomorrow too since the first week is free and I have a homecare person here. You guys are certainly kind and generous to give me this kind of attention. I don't think I know how to get to the "previous blog" that joan mentioned, but I will give it a try.
For Previous Blogs, go to the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and look on the left side. It's right up near the top. Click on it, and they are arranged by year.
midwestmn, welcome to the group! all complaints are valid here! nobody has it worse than others because to each of us if we are complaining its stressful to us. i hope the exercise helps. i am sure it will. we tend to get depressed just by the very nature of having to care for our spouses who are terminal. nothing to say but depressive moods are part of this stinking disease we have been handed. take care,, and be sure to checkin often. divvi
I echo divvi, whom I credit for a lot of help from her to me.
It is not a question of worse, we are, no matter what the stage, or phase of this, each in our own hell. I would say private hell, but this site makes it shared without violating anyone's privacy.
And it's great not to violate anyone's privacy including our own. I want to tell you that I have gone to "Curves" three days in a row. I often brag before I actually have the deed done, so I need to warn you that I felt my spirits lift after the 1st time there and it cintinues. I hope it is not the placebo affect. A friend today told me that I had lost my spark and she was glad I was taking steps to try to retrieve it. I hope I don't have too many "threads" here. Thanks divvi and abby!
I kick myself for not taking them up last month when they offered 30 days free. I would love to go but know I can't keep going financially, so dont' even try.
Charlotte at the risk of sounding strange. ....I would be so happy to send you the fee for curves. I would sacrifice something to do that for you, perhaps cut back on the expensive local coffee I drink.(ha ha)
How I hope you can find a way to go, I know it would help you so much. Truly if you would accept my help, email me and I will send you a gift. You are precious and you deserve a break! (please please let me help you)
I live too far from any places like that, however I am immensely active and in pretty good shape, from my work. My neighbor just gave me the coolest old old Schwinn exercise bike, and I can ride it and watch him at the same time.
Charlotte, I hope you take Coco's generous offer on Curves. Did you know that Blue Cross/ Blue Shield will pay $20 of the fee each month if you attend 12 days that month?. I went again yesterday and still like it. Everybody talks to you there and the female chat is something that helps. I can't get over how people like Coco (and others) have such loving concern. It restores my hope in humanity. Charlotte you have my understanding about the financial burden. Maybe we should move to Norway where these things are taken care of by the government. I'm kidding of course. Maybe I am writing about 2 threads here which Joan has told us to try not to do.
midwestmn.....trying also to keep on topic, ........which was depression and this is to do with it.... you know, I was telling Charlotte, that since my husband got sick, and in a way since my lovely sister died last year, I have had a change about the way I think about money. Now, we are on a small income, just scraping by, but making it.
When he got ill, and could not work any more than his Social Security, it also cut back on my work and a good chunk of my income as he could not assist me in my business anymore. I was sick with worry.
Then I told myself , FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, that I was NOT going to worry about money, I ALWAYS have and I am sick of it. Taking care of him was MORE THAN ENOUGH to worry about.
Well that was a year ago, and you know , despite less income, we are still making it. I still drink expensive local grown coffee. I can still scrape up enough to help out a friend that needs a bit.
Maybe giving up a life of silly worrying was the way to go. .Now hopefully it will continue and I will not end up on the streets, ( a glorified bad lady, living in my car, can do here)
So the point of all that, is that I believe that sharing is much more important than getting something for ourselves, it is truly better to give than receive . You can hoard and get cheap and for what? To not have love and to not see the heart open of the ones in need. How much better is that , to give and receive love?
(don't ask me to give up my nice every 3 month haircut though, and my Italian hair color. Even if I do live in a car)
Coco - the expensive coffee, the haircut all help with depression. We have to do something for ourselves once in a while. For me it is my Mt Dew every morning. I gave up having more pop, but not that one in the morning.
midwestmn - great that BC/BS will pay for that. That is preventive treatment and should be covered. I don't have any health insurance so can't look for that. As I told Coco, I will keep walking. Husband gets antsy so walking helps there. Maybe if I walk with him he won't become a 'runner' like his dad and sister were.
Walking is good for depression too, or so they say.
Coco--we must be soul sisters. I am not high maintenance on anything else, but I'm all about quality coffee and good hair :)
On my kitchen counter there are 3 coffee makers--a Nespresso for my espresso; a Cuisinart Automatic Grind & Brew (left over from the good old days when I entertained a lot); and a new Keurig for everyday use. And as I mentioned above, I make frequent trips to Starbucks. All this great coffee seems to help me from eating that fattening chocolate! And don't get me started on my hair.
marilyn...ooopss wait a second, one more sip...ahhhhh .....coffee....nectar of the gods.
As for Starbucks...of COURSE I still go there, even if I have to drink other than Hawaiian coffee. What I like about them, it is so consistent. Hot, strong, good varieties.
Funny the growers over here have bumper stickers that say , "Friends don't let friends drink Starbucks" lol
I find I have to hide my Starbuck's cups falling out the car door as I pull up to the Farmers market. Don't want to be crucified.
I am one that thinks, well if they find out coffee causes about every disease, well bring it on. Life is not worth it without it.
Well, you know there was at least one study that said drinking a lot of coffee fends off AD. (Naturally, my husband was a big coffee drinker and a lot of good that did him!)
Marilyn, I am so oblivious sometimes. I did not notice all the coffee-making devices. (yes--I had lunch at Marilyn's house today! I recommend it.) I've got a drip machine with thermal carafe so I can come back later and it will still be hot. A burr grinder so I can start with whole beans, and a Nespresso so I can make random coffee drinks (caf or de) at any needed moment. The young adult migrating children make good use of that too. Coffee is also thought to be associated with a reduced risk of Parkinson's. I'm sure none of this is worth a penny, but I'll keep drinking it anyway.