The other day the Legion called and invited us to a dinner they were having. Hubby took the call and said we would go. Now we have never gone to the Legion in all the years we have belonged, hubby wanted to join because he is a veteran, but it is just too far away from our home. Because I don't know anyone there and never been, plus don't what to be stress with hubby maybe saying something inapropriate while there, I didn't want to go.
Now I'm learning...I didn't say I didn't want to go or anything.....I just let it be. The next day he says what this date and time about, that I've written down.
I say...I don't Know. Problem solved.
About the only good? thing I know about this disease.
The other big blessing is that in the later stages they do not know what is happening to them. It took my Uncle almost 2 decades from diagnoses to death with cancer. He knew the whole time what was happening to him. How excruciating that must have been on him…..
This, and other diseases such as ALS, is why I say there are things worse than Alzheimer's. I thank God that Lynn doesn't know what has become of him. He is blissfully unaware and quite happy. In this regard it is harder on us than them.
The one good thing—the only good thing--I can say about this disease is that I have met the most wonderful, amazing people because of it. The people I've met in support groups and on this site are the most decent, caring, honorable people I've ever met in my life. Even when family and friends sometimes don't care or don't want to know what's happening, other caregivers will lift you up when you need it most. That's my one good thing about AD.
My mother in the early stages no longer has the cognitive capacity to be as judgemental as she always was. She is much easier to get along with. It is harder to see a good side with my husband, but here is one: My husband's illness has turned our son dropping out of college and not wanting to do anything into a blessing--he helps with his father.
JanK I agree with you about the support given on this board. No one I know around here has the slightest idea what it is like to live with dementia. I feel so inadequate for this job I have now. And tired beyond what I thought this 79 year old body could take. The only relief in sight is death for the one I love. So the only thing good is the friends I have on line.
flo 39,I feel bad because I know your right about the only relief in sight.I do love him but I'm afraid of him too. He gets so mad at me over what most people would call nothing.Meds do not help.Your also right about our friends here, Thanks to our friends.
I hesitate to write this down for fear someone might read about this that I know from my home here. But It was a BIG relief to hear he actually hqd Ahzhiemers I suspected it for MANY years but mostly attributed it to my probably being mean spirited. Yes, I guess I suffer at times from lack of self esteem. I spent many years dealing with his bad moods, selfishness, and paranoia about many things. He's completely changed and become very sweet most of the time now. so it's easier in many ways. Nevertheless as you all know the stress on being responsible for everything is much. Exercise helps, but I couldn't go today as I was not feeling up to it. It is a relief to be able to vent here! There's been no sex since I was 40 and I'm 79 now.
midwestmn - if you find threads on sex you will find many of us have not had any for years. I know I never thought my sex life would end in my 40s. I guess that may have been the first indication of a problem - ED. And, many it is a relief to finally have a name to the behaviors.
For most of us being told that our spouse has dementia is both good and bad. Bad because our spouse has an degenerative disease that cannot be cured. Good news in that we at least know somewhat what we are dealing with and that our spouse isn't just mean. The dementia dx gives us something to hang on to.
I agree, if we are lucky enough to have even a couple of friends locally who have not given up on us because we are hard pressed to return hospitality for a dinner....or picnic etc our real pals are found here on Joan's site. All to often we are reading on FB or get letters or post cards from others, family or friends all about the beach weeks or trips camping or hiking or to a dude ranch,etc. Even family waits for us to send up the red flag ( or is it white for surrender?) that we need help or a break....I wonder how often any of us experience a friend or family member offering to come stay for a week or 10 days so we can really get away and go someplace...take a train ride to anywhere? I bet not often....and people wonder why on earth we get depressed....How would any of them manage day to day facing the reality of the impending losses to come with this disease? Sure is great getting notes of "how well we are doing" and " thank God for you" etc when what is not said is " so we don't have to take care of_________"
Ours have offered to come stay but then there is the juggle of schedules and sometimes it does not work out. Everyone has a life and obligations but most have some space for some freedom to take a break and do want vacations and their time is limited..I get that...What I also get is we never get that without a lot of worry and apprehension, even when we "get away" we don't really get away after all.
Is there something good about ALZ? From my standpoint nope..I was out of the house at 22 and on my own for 8 years before I got married so...nope...learning to stand on your own at 50 or 60 or in her 70s as my aunt did was very hard and yeah,she finally managed with a lot of help....but had no confidence in what she was able to really do, always second guessing herself, had someone do the bills etc for her....so for me, having been on my own before becoming someone's dependent was a learning opportunity. For me there is NOT ONE SINGLE GOOD THING OUT OF THIS DAMNED DISEASE NOT ONE!
As he gets worse, we go out less and less. My 34-yr-old daughter and her family moved back home to help, but she works all day and the brunt of the household expenses is on her. My sister-in-law offers to keep him from time to time, but I need help when she is at work and sadly, his brother will not step up. He is afraid he will have to take Lloyd to the bathroom or Lloyd will have an accident. It just doesn't seem to be convenient for them. The sad truth is as long as they all sit in the next town over, they can pretend that all is well with the world. The older grandkids stop over every day. God bless 'em. My 24-yr-old grandson stopped after a dentist appt this morning. Zak said, "Ya know, Grandma, in all these years I have never heard you and Grandpa ever argue about anything. Never heard an unkind word." I told him that was how we set an example for the younger generations. Of course Alz rears its ugly head once in a while, but we get over it and go on and the kids miss it.