Well I had to send my granddaughter...8 years old....home early because of his behaviour. He has little patience and will yell and say hurtful things to her. Even though we have talked to her about him being sick how much does an 8 year old understand and remember when her grandpa is yelling and saying hurtful things to her.
I refuse to give up my time with her because she is only young once and if I'm not involved in her life then I will miss it. This disease doesn't get to take this away from me. He is stage 4-5 and doesn't need day care or resprite care right now. But if I go alone he get really mad and then I have to deal with his tantrum. What to do?
Sorry for the predicament, and I understand your wanting to be with your granddaughter. He may need day care just so you'll have quality, undivided time with your granddaughter. Other threads have described how to get a spouse to cooperate w/daycare--being a "volunteer helper," even.
Oh Amber, I wish I could say something to help you but I am pretty much in the same boat. We have 9 grandchildren (ages 1 to 12). I used to put 2 of the kids on the bus in the morning, but that stopped when I couldn’t leave him alone. We used to do a lot with them when they were little, but now that has all ended. They all know that PopPop has a brain disease & they try to be so nice to him. He isn't usually mean to them, but he is always asking what there names are. He has no concept of family relationship. He doesn't know our children (he knows them, but he thinks they are his friends). Our youngest daughter lives right across the street & she tries to help me as much as possible. If I remember correctly when my DH was in the stage yours is in, he couldn't take all the commotion that little kids make & he did yell at them. That's when I backed off of doing so much with them. I HATE it that this disease is keeping me from spending time with them. Like I said, I'm sorry I can't fore any suggestions, I just want you to know that you are not alone.
If not Day Care,fo hi, get some in-home help aboard. Claim it's for you, if needsbe. Ater a session or so, the helper can start doing little things for DH (b ring him a cup of coffee) as the work \gets done. After a couple to a few sessions, pp out for an errand. Moving right along, work up to time for the Gchildrenwhile helper is there.
Caregivers have a triple load on their plates. You should not be blowing your energy on dishes, laundry, floor mopping, etc when anybody cn do those things.
Amber, with the probable FTD that we are dealing with, the personality changes and the memory (for the most part) stays. They also do not consider the feelings of others any more. In addition, because their reasoning button is broken, they say things and act out without being aware that they are out of place. And, the entire time, they appear so normal.
About two years ago, I was asked three weeks prior to watch two very small grandchildren for three hours on a specific evening. this was for our child that still does not understand (or accept) that there is a problem. I told her that I could not commit that far in advance and that I had to take these kinds of things day to day. She was a little "miffed" with me. I told her that I did not want to take the chance having them there that long. Also it was in the evening which are worse for DH. During this time period, DH would get angry for no reason and yell and swear. I just did not want to put myself and the children in this situation. I don'tthink to this day that she understands that I was doing it for the children and that I was not being unreasonable.
I have asked her over the years to bring them by for play dates with us but not to leave them for more than 1/2 hour. Or not to leave them at all. this has worked out well because we still get to see them. It is such a hard time because you are put in the position to protect the young ones. Even our older children know to leave if DH gets heated up about something and it causes them discomfort.
The best thing you can do is to do the right thing for your granddaughter. Plan however time you can with her. I'm so sorry that this is happening for you.
PS: I also remember when DH didn't understand why we couldn't watch The Chainsaw Masacur (sp) movie with two younger grandchildren. He was quite upset with me for not letting him watch it with them. This was during the same time period. DH is so much calmer now than he was two years ago.
Oh Mary, don't think I could watch that. I tell kids I'm not old enough at 66. Dh used to rock grabdchiidren and watxh Jay+jay airplane. That was 13 years ago.
Did you consider asking his doctor for some type of medication even in a small dose that might keep him calm when the grand children are with you. Maybe even a half of an ativan might help? My dh's neuro wrote a prescription for my dh and I haven't needed to use very often, but it does keep him calm when he starts to get upset about something.