Thank you all. Thank you for the sympathy, the prayers, and the wishes for peace and healing. I cried as I read your messages.
Nine years ago, also in June, my best friend died. I cried so much I thought there could not possibly be any tears left. My husband's death taught me that there are more tears. That last night; those hours between Saturday's sunset and almost Sunday's sunrise taught me a lot about love. Not romantic love, but another kind of love and I don't really have a name for it.
After being informed of his rapid and unexpected decline I went to him. I had my tablet, full of music, including our wedding song, and a mind and heart in crisis. I played music, and talked, then more music and more talk, over and over again.
There is so much I want to share with you but I am having a difficult time. Part of me feels raw, and part of me feels like I am watching this happen to someone else.
Abby, you've just reminded me that I played music on the ipad, put it by his head so he could hear it, and his breathing calmed down.. completely unresponsive otherwise but Mozart did the trick once again.
I am sorry you have lost your dh. It hurts now and it will continue for some time. My prayers are offered for comfort during this time. I hope you are strengthened by our collective support here. jerseymama*
I added the star tonight and was not expecting it to come up on my previous posts- I guess I thought it would just start with what I posted tonight.
I never knew I could be so exhausted. It was my plan to write a narrative similar to Kelly's about the death of my husband but find myself getting stuck on that.
I want to stay and hopefully be of help to someone but I also want to stay for myself. I have received and benefitted so much from being here. So many in the non dementia world have, just since husband's death, said and done things I find it difficult to believe. I think peace is not going to be really anytime soon but am keeping your good wishes close!
People say really dumb things abby. I am sorry that this may be happening to you. Some one I know says over and over, despite my asking her not to, that it would be better if he died sooner so he would not have to suffer.
I find that sacrilege, it is not up to them to say it.
I for one want to thank you for hanging around..... we need you and all you have to offer and you need us because we are a silly, lot that will make you smile and have a good laugh every once in awhile. One of the things that make this site so special to me is the insite of the caregivers that now have earned their stars. We are all going thru or have gone thru this disease for a reason and I believe it is to help others. I am so sorry you are feeling so down, but hang around,,,, things will get better and we will make you smile......
Abby, I just read that you lost your husband a little while ago. I am also so sorry. I feel like I know you a little bit just from the brief exchanges here. I'm glad for you that you could be with him when he passed talking to him and being close. It reminds me of staying up holding my mother's hand and telling her the things I should have told her before. It will give you a measure of comfort that you and you husband had that closeness.
Thank you so much. I have not been here that long and the past few months can seem overwhelming to me. Yes, that last night was surreal and for the most part I still feel like I am not me, but someone else looking at me. Sense or nonsense? The kind words here are where I come for understanding and I do feel the care and concern.
mammie,
I'm getting through. Well, sometimes, other times I just have to find an old card or hear a song and there I go....
I have attributed this to Coco and hope I am not mistaken, but her statement on another thread about rolling someone in honey and setting them on an ant hill (or something close) made me laugh. As you said, those smiles feel wonderful.
and now we have one of Sid's doctors to put by the anthill, just in his underwear to give him a little dignity. As for the honey, well a bargain brand or maybe corn syrup would do.
lol not even worth brand name honey, thanks for the chuckle ladies :D
Abby, not nonsense at all. During some of our crisis modes I felt this way and I am sure it would only be multiplied with a sudden loss like you have suffered. Yes, you remain in my daily thoughts as well and I pray you find a measure of comfort and peace ((hugs)) ♥♥♥
To excuse my darrrrkkkkkk side, I tell myself that we all have one....
When those nasty people next door traveled to Mexico for the winter in their RV, instead of wishing bad luck to them or highway robbers, oh how terrible that was my sisters idea!!!, I only wished them a mild case of dysentry....
HA HA HA HAHa
Sorry about your thread abby....aloha to you.....sure is great to see you posting.