i haven't seen much written on the amount of damage an alz spouse can do and the expense that it creates. My DH is alone some days while I work full time. My sister is moving in with us to be his daytime care giver in a few weeks. It has been a rough year. While alone, DH has put sand in the gas tank of my sons motorcyle, has put marbles and stones in the gas tank of the quads, Has spray painted the garage floor, spray painted the rocks bright orange in the yard, has left the water run all day, burned the tea pot, unsrewed the cupboard doors and can't put them back up, he's brought all his tools from the garage and filled my kitchen. I have car parts and tools all over the house. I find stuff under the bed, in the shower, in the yard, on the road. One day I found my tablecloth in the middle of the road. He has thrown away important papers and hides any keys that may have been left out. I know he can't be alone anymore and I have that taken care of. But, my question is - why haven't i read about anyone else having these kind of issues? Is this a FTL dementia kind of behavior? That was his latest diagnosis.
Wow Mag...that is an impressive record of trouble-making! I'm sure some here can at least compete. We have not had so much of that because Jeff lost mechanical and visual abilities along with his cognition, but he did manage to mangle a few handyman jobs before he completely lost interest. I've put things back together that I knew nothing about, such as door locks and a fancy water-mixing mechanism that's part of the shower guts.
Your guy does seem to have a special spark of creativity though.
these issues do not usually just crop up all together but one can see forming changes that tend to lead us in the directions that its not realistic to leave them alone. its why we always say here its best to bring in daytime help at the earliest signs they are not functioning in these areas and need supervision. its a very good idea you have your sister now to take vigil.
Wow...so sorry to hear your problems. When was your dh dx and has he been on any kind of Alz. medications that might control some of his problems? That is very important. This condition is a real problem for those that feel like they have to work.....It is unfortunate you couldn't be here with us where we all have learned so much. Also many of the Alz people are older and their mates are retired and can look after them on a daily bases.
Well, I've mentioned in various threads here the expense of adding keyed deadbolts to all outside doors, mopping up water that's flooded the kitchen and dripped into the basement, destroyed "handyman" projects, cost of gate w/padlock for deck, turned gas stove on and could have done us in, burned counter top, etc., but I can't compete with your hb's creative interests. Quit my job to monitor hb's activities and still missed some. He had vascular dementia, not FTL. Then there's spend down....
My husband was like yours, and I couldn't keep up with it, even though I was home. Raspberry jam on the kitchen ceiling, sticky orange juice on the floor from fridge to out the back door, mail missing...no, changed my mind, your husband is more creative.
I guess there is some advantage to me having an AD husband who is also physically disabled. He can't get into anything.
However, I had a friend whose AD husband decided to water the plants in the back of the house, but the hose was in the garage in the front of the house. So he hooked up the hose in the front of the garage, dragged it through the garage and the entire house, then went out the back door to do the watering. Unfortunately, he had turned the water on in the front of the house. You can imagine that mess.
Just recently, a friend's AD husband broke a big bottle of olive oil all over the kitchen floor, stepped in it, and walked throughout the whole house. A lot. Back and forth. Barefoot. Had to get the cuts on his foot taken care of and $600 to get all the floors and rugs cleaned.
When my son & family moved away, they left a beautiful mirror for us to store. Son should have hung it himself. Instead dh hung it. It hit the floor within 8 hrs. and was smashed. Door to closet started sticking. Any handyman would take door off and sand. DH chiseled wood out of the door frame. Looks terrible. Poor guy doesn't know how to do anything anymore except vacuum and wiping up little spots. I had a beautiful cooking pot (nonstick) and I did overcook something so I left it to soak a bit. Without my noticing, dh took it down to basement and chiseled all the nonstick coating off. Had to throw it out. He has forgotten how to open the hood of the car or I am afraid that would be dismantled. I have had yard waste in my kitchen. Sometimes I am not as diligent as others and I catch him throwing out important stuff. We have lost our spare remote garage door opener. Their poor brains are all screwed up. Sunday I came home from church and there was dh in his pj's (2 pm) planting empty pots in the ground. Can't ask why because he can't give me an answer.
Lets see...diesel in car, ATV, snow blower 2X....cost to fix $600+. Almost burnt the cabin down with the wood stove. Shot a hole through the wall with a rifle....no more guns in cabin. Yard is disorganized and most is wilderness. Cut off 2 fingers in wood plainer...didn't put safety guard on. Don't even get me talking about his electrical work....thank goodness electrition is a good freind of ours. Now he is putting wood on walls in bathroom...at first I was against it then I changed my thinking and thought "it is only wood and I can take it down and fix it later.
I learned early on from comments like above, that I could not ever leave my dh home alone. Not for 15 mins. or 2 hours. It only takes mins. for them to destory something. When I first came on the site there was talk about things the spouses had done that really was a surprise to me, but I soon learned they want to try and do so many things they can't do. This is just another reason to thank joan for this great teaching blog....it probably has saved my house in many ways.
Diesel in the car? That reminded me, he put kerosene in the Jeep and overfilled the oil. He does keep himself busy. He never sits. He likes to eat standing up. If I insist that he sit down, he will sit at the edge of the chair for a few minutes then get up. It sounds like he is over active but he really isn't. It's like leaving a 3 year old at home alone.
Mag - I see you have been with us for awhile, not a newbie. Probably people just don't think others are interested in the cost of Alzheimer - other than medical cost, lost jobs, spend down,etc. They damage they due can be very expensive. So far I have had minimal cost but know it could come at any time.
Oh Mag, stories I could tell you! Glad you brought this topic up because lately I've been telling friends/family (those that still talk to us) that the cost of this illness is not limited to the meds and healthcare but all the stuff that they hide, never to be recovered and break. Where would you like me to begin? Hidden car keys that were found 8 months later, toiletries (razor, shaving cream, small flashlight, toilet sanitizer, etc) flushed down the toilet clogging it, broken sink, hidden important papers-deed, mortgage papers, property survey, investment papers, unpaid bills resulting in the cancelation of a credit card we had for 20 years without any late payments (sorry, doesn't matter that you have a 20 year perfect credit history with us, you didn't pay your bill for 90 days), storm door ripped off it's frame, injuring the dog because he was in his "space", breaking the riding lawn mower, stealing/hidng mail which is an obesssion....I thank God that he hasn't ripped the refrigerator doors off like some have posted here, butt he constant worry of what he's going to destroy next and the expensive costs of repairing and/or replacng whatever he's broken, hidden or thrown away is overwhelming. And I'm home with him with an aide!!!!!
LFL...I forgot about the things my dh hid. He did that worse early on and now just sometime. I know he probably has hidden at least $800 to $1,000. I did recover $400 one time hidden in the back of a a wall stud finder. When it didn't work for me I thought the batteries were dead. I opened the battery flap and instead of battiers he had put 4 $100 dollar bills in the space. Since then he doesn't get very much money to carry around. He never buys anything anyway.
Mag- thanks for bringing this topic up. This is when I knew my DH could not be left alone anymore also
1. I would come from work and find the refrigerator unplugged 2. No telephone service 3. He cut the pipes off to the upstairs tub, so when you filled it it flooded the lower level of the house 4. using a leaf blower to blow snow (kept him busy for a while anyway) 5. Used a chain saw to try to cut down a tree in 50 mile an hours winds ( the tree was standing had not fallen or anything) 6. Tried to make a pot of coffee after he had just filled it with coffee pot cleaner The list goes on, I made a list of these things , actually printed them off my blog and took it to the neuro he then wrote a letter stating he was danger and I was able to get him in to daycare! Oh I forgot putting a outlet in where the light switch was and with reverse polarity!
That sounds terrible....May I ask why you needed a letter from the doctor so he could go to daycare? Is that something done just in your area or state?
I don't know about every state, but here in Florida, a letter by a doctor is required to be eligible for Day Care. Sid's neurologist wrote it, confirming the AD diagnosis.
After reading all of these posts, I am saying again - Maybe his physical disability is a blessing in disguise. I cannot even imagine the trouble he could get into if he were physically fit.
JudithKB Yes it was required for him to get into the daycare and it is a state program. Because I am still working fulltime they cover him full time there, I am very grateful for that. Joan- Well, DH is not as bad as Sid but not really what I would call physically fit- has had both shoulders repaired, both knees repaired, his neck fused together, a broken back and 3 disk surgery's... walks with a cane.... at now 69 looks like he is closer to 80. He just won't stop doing things that will hurt him! LOL! It is all about the judgment thing as I have discovered. He has both Frontal Lobe Dementia and Alzheimer's.
Ladies, I think you have missed a biggie. Poor judgment/impulsivity with money resulting in major financial losses. This is so well known within the financial circles that they are even attempting some self-regulation to curb the damage done by unscrupulous advisors in these cases. Right now, it's a grey area--but an honest advisor (thank goodness we have one) will recognize that something strange is going on with the client and not cede to their wishes, try to get other family members involved when they notice a big change in investment style or risk tolerance. Less honest types only care about their commissions, and do whatever the client wants, even if it makes no sense. This can result in a huge financial hit, before the person is diagnosed and the spouse is still unaware of what's going on. I tell all my friends to get involved with the finances and not leave it all to their husbands.
P. S. I noticed everyone posting on this thread is a woman--wondering if any of the female patients have done similar things? The only one that comes to mind is starting a kitchen fire in an attempt to cook something.
A small fire, totally confined to the gas oven, so I bought a toaster-oven for the countertop (which has an automatic cut-off after one hour) and we use that now. Nothing goes in the big oven anymore; all 'cooking' is now confined to what can be made in an electric frying pan, that new toaster-oven, or heated up in the microwave.
Hmmm lets see my wife would be very busy anytime I was out of the house,all keys to barns,cars,home dissapeared,all legal papers,deeds,home insurance,car insurance,life insurance,dogs dishes,would lose her purse "daily" which always caused much panic(wrote about this a cpl years ago)opened new account at credit union,applied an got new credit card even tho she didn't know her SS# or her birth date,the list goes on,gee I wish she was still here,I could put up with all that just to see her smile one more time
Only one near disaster here, but it really could have happened to anyone one of us. Our stove is a ceramic cook top. The only way you can tell if a burner is still hot is by checking the little red light one the bottom of the cook-top. . DW left a damp towel on top of the stove – luckily it smoldered and the smoke set off the the detector. I've worked out of our home ever since we moved to FL in 2000. DW wasn't Dx'd until 2006 so she was never alone to get into trouble.
We moved about four years ago and our children helped us pack and move. We "lost" so many things, just "disappeared",--my husband's power tools, the lawn tractor, the snow blower.
When we moved from CA to the midwest in Feb. my husband would not cooperate with selling any of his tools, he was totally unrealistic and wanted to move everything, even junk. Then he gave away lots of things to the neighbors while I was at work, even my garden tools that I wanted to keep. We moved tools that I know he will never be able to use. He used to be able to repair anything. Now I know better than to mention anything that needs fixed. The last truck he had to buy before his diagnosis was an expensive piece of junk. I sold it after he lost his drivers license and took a huge loss, but had peace of mind that he wouldn't try to drive it.
Oh, girls, I am blessed!!! The only thing Lloyd ever did was dig in our lockbox constantly. Eventually he broke the lock on that and I just moved the really important stuff to a file cabinet so he could continue to dig. Then I was the one who couldn't find the car titles. I put everything in with his will and it took a long time to figure that out. Occasionally he will turn the water on for no reason. He has turned on the burners on the stove, but I just take off the knobs for a while and he stops. My daughter and I are guilty of smacking his fingers gently when he touches things he shouldn't. I'm not sure if that is good or bad, but it works. Plus I am with him 24/7 or my daughter or older grandson is with him. On rare occasions, I will leave him with my DIL. He just becomes her sixth child. She is so good with him.
Yes, the $ thing was big, but not so big as for some others of our friends here. Applied for and received a credit card I knew nothing about before he was unable to do such a thing. Charged over $4000 for "get rich quick" programs, on-line schools, etc., etc. I was working at the time. Found out about it when I took the call from cr card company explaining they needed payments. I had a conversation with local bank employees (fortunately, we live in the country near a small town) re his going in to get cash from time to time before his driving was stopped. They were kind and cooperative and gave him excuses why they couldn't give him $.
Good grief! I thought I had a lot to deal with, but the more I read this thread, the more I realize I don't have it so bad after all. I think waiting on Sid has to be better than him getting into everything. And he would if he could - he was never one to sit around and do nothing.
We have lived in the Independent Villa for almost 3 years now. So 3 years ago, when we were living in our house, Sid was still on his feet, although couldn't walk too far without pain and fatigue because of the neuropathy. He got it into his head that the extra empty boxes in our garage HAD to go into the attic. HAD TO. I went into the garage, and there he was on the pull down ladder to the attic, trying to climb up with boxes in his hands.
Then one day, the smoke detector batteries started chirping. He dragged the ladder into the living room, and climbed up to the top ( he's afraid of heights), to change the battery, all while I'm holding the ladder, begging him to come down. That's when I made the decision we had to move into a place where I had maintenance service. The last time one of the smoke detectors started chirping, I called the office, held the phone up to the detector, so the receptionist could hear it - she laughed, and said she'd send Corey right over. Within 15 minutes he was at my house changing the battery.
Even when we had money and credit cards, Sid was never able to figure out how to order things online. If he wanted something, he always asked me to order it, so I was lucky there.
Whew! I guess I have it easy! DH never gets into anything. His worse, I guess, would be unloading the dishwasher and putting everything where I can't find it! No harm done, though! Never had a problem with me handling the money either. I'm lucky too!
The only thing - so far we are early into this nightmare - is he turned the water on put the hose in a flower bed all while it was pouring down rain. Of course I wasn't aware he did this. Next day I noticed water standing at the garage door and commented that sure was a good rain. He said I put the water in the flowers last night - it was still running. Fortunately we have a well so no high bill to pay and it seems an abundant supply of water as the well never runs off. This is not the first time he has done this. I need to watch to see when the pump handle is up and set a timer. I try to answer all phone calls because he told a political party the other day he would send money. Of course they had to listen to his opinion for a time I'm sure - serves them right I figure. I probably will trash the letter when it comes.
I think my biggest nuisance was some years ago when he became inclined to believe tv and radio advertising. So, while watching tv one night, he called the 800 number and ordered the "performance" enhancing supplement pills they were advertising. It was a bit of work for me to put an end to both the automatic billing/shipment of a continuous supply of the things PLUS the monthly membership (you automatically got enrolled in) in the outfit that started sending us porno dvds. That was fun.
Sorry, Emily, I found that quite hilarious. So happy that the only strange thing Steve ordered were some worthless coins. He spent about $26, and I was easily able to stop the subsequent shipments. (He did this while using the phone at the adult day program. He regularly ordered flowers for me that way, and I guess that's what the staff thought he was doing.) After this coin thing, I took away the credit card.
Emily, thanks for the chuckle! We had some issues with on-line porn-he gave 1 company his checking account number!!!! Thank god I appealed the issue to the credit union which had his checking account and they reversed the withdrawals. Something about those tv ads and infomercials that suck them in-I have to convice DH that we don't need anything and that he needs to hang up the phone. I don't allow him to answer the phone anymore either.
This subject has been on my mind since I read the first entry. There has been a LOT of money that was thrown away, squandered over the years - and not for medical supplies. As I think back, I know that there were signs of his behavior that didn't seem to fit, but......you just go along until the next time. I knew at the time that money was being thrown away, but thought we could afford it and at that time I couldn't stop it. It would be interesting to start a list of the incidents and the amount of money involved. Maybe someone new would reconize pre diagnosed AD behavior an save themselves some moeny. But, probably not - I would have thought at that time "that isn't my husband".
Our most recent one, not a big one, was that he was "working" in the yard. I thought he was safe out there as it is fenced and locked and I check on him every 15 minutes.. He disabled the AC by removing a fuse and sitting it (thank God) on top of the box. Couldn't figure out for days why it wasn't getting cool as the fan was coming on. And the last one two days ago, our 6 pound dog became very sick throwing up - had to go to the vet $169. His poop looked and smelled like Italian food we had recently. Our dog supposedly gets only premium dry dog foor. I guess I am not quick enough to catch everhthing. The dog goes in his carrier now when food and meds are out and when the trash is being taken out. Now about the new water softener that was under warranty, the power moon roof on our car,the motor home, last house we bought.........
I'll stick my nose in here - my husband ruined (and therefore I had to replace) dishwasher, vacuum cleaner, ceiling fan (x2), washing machine, garbage disposal, and two calls to the electrician and to plumber - total cost was over $1,000.
That is nothing compared to what some of you have had to spend/go through, but we had one lady with us whose husband was very financially well off, and managed their funds in the stock market - he didn't need/have another job - the income he produced was very high. Until Alzheimer's. He managed to lose it all before she knew what had happened. I felt so sorry for her!
Another husband changed the beneficiary from first wife to second wife (married to her for over 20 years) - insurance company lost the change of beneficiary form and they had had a flood in their basement and didn't have a copy - and first wife got the proceeds and second wife was left empty-handed! Make certain your financial paperwork is done!
So please, take good credit cards and give him expired ones; give him only $20 at a time; disconnect the internet when you are not at home; and hide the phone if you can! (My husband would fill out the mail orders in the back of the AARP magazine and put it in the mail box - of course the address wasn't complete, no stamp, etc. - I spoke to the postperson and asked to put a note on our box in the main office NOT to pick up anything from our mailbox until further notice!
It is amazing the steps we find we must take to protect our spouses (spice) and what we have. But very necessary.
Oh, I put everything but one bank account in my name only for safety too. I kept the one account for his checks to be deposited into - however, he had no checks or debit card to take anything out of it.
Oh Mag!!! I wish I had 5 mins for every 15 mins we spend "looking for things"!!!!!!!! Last week I had to go to Sears to purchase a new electric stove. Of course he looks normal and the sales lady was asking him about the stoves on display. I kept saying "no smooth top and I need one that has knobs that I can remove" she looked at me like I had three heads. When he got distracted opening freezer doors I explained why I needed burners that turn red when hot and why I needed to take the knobs in my purse with me. I think the light finally came on for her. If only people knew how much damage one old man can do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mag, yes we have had great expense from my DH. This is the third summer I have had to take the riding mower to be fixed. Totaling over $600. I said next time it is broken I will hire people to do the yard work. Two leaf blowers broken, one weed eater, one push mower, helped me paint and paint wood work along with walls. Wood work was white painted it green. When I do a project, I send him to find sand paper or something. It takes him a long time to find it. By the time he does I am finished. I have learned how to change belts on lawn mowers and small plumbing and car repairs myself. Most of the time I don't let DH know and a repair person shows up. We have lost glasses $300 (he now has 2 pair) and a watch he got for 30 years of service on the job around $400. The glasses we found hanging on a tree branch a year later. So much more I could add.
Last year we built a new house. The tax appraiser came out when I was in the hospital. Sonny told her it was a two family house and of course we were taxed at that. Had to go to county courthouse for a hearing to get it changed.Also.we are missing 3 hearing aids, a pair of dentures, and his glasses.BUT we have someone else's glasses,bifocals ????Now he is in NH, I said no hearing aids(doesn't hear anyway)no dentures(does't keep them in) and he can use the bifocals(Whose ever they may be)It is nice not to have totake the knobs off the stove,or turn the water off under the sinks and all the other precautions I had to take.
My DH got a pair of $4000 hearing aids a few years ago which he no longer wears. They are relatively high tech, come with a gadget so that he can adjust the sound for watching TV or use blue tooth. I thought at first he wasn't wearing them because the technology was too much for him. But now, I don't think he ever had a hearing problem, it was a comprehension problem all along, because when he wants to hear (usually when I am talking on the phone to one of the kids about him) he can hear a whisper. He has an appointment with a hearing specialist in October, which I will be cancelling.