Saw on another thread that you/your husband has been in crisis; I had noticed you were gone for a while. Please let us know what's happening when you can.
I have been in that twilight among hospitalization, rehab and alf placement. Remember "Twilight Zone"? There I am.
So many docs, so many dx, so many px; it all continues. Trying to navigate the system of insurance, home health rehab and "end of life" medicare, and always, always hearing, "but he is so young".
He may be young, but he is also sad and angry. The alf I chose, and I toured and/or visited 12, is, I think a good choice. I was encouraged today when I saw the white brick buildings, the courtyards full of hanging plants, and the geraniums (sp) just hung and blooming everywhere.
PS- edited because I forgot to say thank you!
He is in a palliative care unit, which is small. All one story unlike most I visited, so no elevator. Hospice will eval probably next week and as I understand it, there is a difference between their palliative care and end of life treatment protocols.
Over the last few weeks it has been a constant flow of incident reports, consents, etc. Having all this responsibility has been exhausting and sometimes I just wish I could turn it over to someone else (who?) but in the end feel like he entrusted me with the decisions and so I need to follow through with that and walk the ethical and moral line as best I am able.
I try not to cry and to be strong. My husband has disappeared into the dementia world and so I want to do my best to be strong for him and to realize that for the rest of my life I will be alone.
Abby--I'm a firm believer that crying is good. It sounds like you picked a good ALF and the palliative care approach is a humane choice. Is your husband aware of what is happening? Just think about the present and deal with the "rest of your life" later. None of us knows for sure that we will be alone.
Well, maybe we will be alone, maybe not. I have the very same somewhat morose thoughts. But I can say this (and here I go seconding Marilyn again,) I am having to remind myself, regularly, that it's ok not to have the rest of my life, or the meaning of life, or whether I'm going to sell my house, or anything like that figured out right now. Now has enough concerns, and I'm going to try to just think about those. Add small bits (rejoining a book group, eg) back to life, but not tackle anything more substantial than the obvious and immediate.
I have this notion that shortly after the "after," I'm going to take some kind of trip. A sailing cruise or something, and that will--in true fictional narrative fashion--give me the space to get my head all straightened out. That's realistic, right? ; )
Abby, I'll play some Twilight Zone music for you. In the Alzheimer's Symphony that would definitely be one of the movements.